What amount of money would you give to help another mother?

[ShrigleyInc]

What amount of money would you give to a single mother / mother of one/two child(ten) who is actually facing huge destitution this month because pay has come in late, bills have risen, demands on finances (debt repayments and utility bills increasing)have risen (due to age of child and time of year) despite only able to live on basics for over two years?

The person is in your circle, maybe close, maybe distant. You may or may not like them. Your children may or may not like their child/ren.

Yet, on the principle of helping, where you can, you would, if asked (not that this is likely as the person in poverty has extreme shame in being in this situation, but is somehow connected to you) - would you do the following, if at asked?

Help by giving:
£100...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£300...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£500...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£Even more because you can....

I ask this for the following reasons: does the help have to be close to home / not too close - ie you need distance if you were asked.

or, does help just have to be needed in the outside world?

What are your actual principles on giving financial help?

I pay a monthly fee to UNICEF, because I believe it is good to do. But I got to thinking, there are many closer to us who need it, so what would you do?

Really interested.

I would never give or ask for money and never have.

I think people sometimes think the government or other people owe them a living, because they have children. I firmly believe that it's a parent's responsibility to provide for their children, not the state's, unless the parents are genuinely unable to meet this responsibility.

It's fair enough that the state and communities should provide a safety net for those in genuine need, but that's what it should be - a safety net - not a lifestyle choice.

I was a single parent on a low income when my children were very young, but I always made sure that I worked hard enough to never be a financial burden on friends, family or the state.

It wasn't easy when my children were young. Despite working long hours, I had no money for luxuries and rarely bought new clothes for mysef or spent money on hobbies. I saw it as my responsibility to make sure my children didn't go without. Not the state's, not family, friends or strangers and certainly not their good-for-nothing father. I would have been mortified if a well-meaning acquaintance had tried to offer me charity.

I kept my dignity, paid my taxes and progressed in my career so that I am now comfortable financially. I enjoy a good standard of living and I'm in a strong position to help my children get a good start to their adult lives. They are my priority. That wouldn't have been the case if I had given up work and depended on state handouts and charity (although at the time it might have seemed like the "easy" option).

There are many vacant positions in the area where I live, particularly in care, retail and hospitality, while people who could fill those vacancies plead poverty and complain that they aren't getting enough handouts. I realise these kind of jobs are low-paid and not particularly exciting at entry levels, but they are a start towards a better and independent life for people who are prepared to work hard (as I found out).

If it was a close, long term friend I'd do my level best to help.

Other than that - people need to generate the income, however they do it, to keep their own kids.

I've been without the proverbial "pot to piss in" but you need to find a way.😗

Op what is your view of the morals and principles of the person who fed me a sob story (when I was a single parent, getting tax credits) and used that money to buy (at least in part) drink and drugs?

Or the one who touched me for £75 at a time when I couldn't really afford it, and left me really tight for money because they didn't pay me it back when they said they would - and 13 years later I still haven't seen a penny back.

Or the ones who asked and asked to the point it killed the friendship when I said no.

What's your view of their morals and principles?

What amount of money would you give to help another mother?

What a manipulative question. You get ZERO from me.

I pay a monthly fee to UNICEF

It’s not a fee, it’s a donation 🙄. And no one’s giving you either, OP.

For someone who was so interested in people’s principles, you sure have disappeared sharpish when offers of money aren’t forthcoming.

The deciding factor would really only be whether I had the money to give without missing any other obligations.

I know the case where that homeless person who didn't want to sit outside Sainsbury's sober, but also didn't want to sit outside it drunk... Instead, having got drunk he went round to his ex and beat her up in front of her kids.
At least when sober her kept to the restraining order.

It really helped both of them as you can imagine.

Is this someone you actually know or just dramatic hyperbole?

I know the ex, and the police who attended have spoken to me.

Nice of you to dismiss it as dramatic hyperbole though. He'd probably agree with you and say he "hardly did anything..." too.

I am sorry that that happened to someone you know but I’m not going to take responsibility for that situation because I give money to homeless people without vetting what they spend it on.

I don’t think just because someone is homeless and drinks that that makes them a violent wife beater.

Nothing in terms of hard cash.
Sorry if that sounds harsh but it's honest.
If they came to me with the problems then I might suggest contacting somewhere like Citizens Advice for free debt management advice, a benefits check (to make sure they are getting all they are entitled to), and perhaps a local food bank/someone who could refer them to a food bank (again CAB). If their cupboards were completely empty I've give them some food/do a small shop for a few days worth, and an electricity/gas top up (if they were on a meter). I'd check in on them to see if they were following up leads for help, and would potentially drive them to an appointment if need be.

Yes it’s not great in the long term for them to be drunk, if drinking becomes their mode of escapism it can cause a lot of harm both to themselves and others.

I’ve seen drunk homeless men be very aggressive to people, often lone woman, especially if they’ve said no to giving money.

although of course there’s a chance they may have been aggressive and abusive even if sober, I do feel being drunk or even tipsy increases the risk.

And Granted some non-homeless men don’t handle their drink well either but I think there’s such a high percentage of the homeless population with various addiction and mental health issues that providing them with the money to buy alcohol is more of a risk.

Give her what you can.

Nothing because so often the people around me who are 'skint' or 'struggling' have made shit choices for their money they smoke drink go out buy the kids a mountain of toys at Christmas and have extravagant birthday parties have a fancy car on the drive and have more kids than they can afford. I refuse to work like a dog to bail out people who make poor choices and then blame everyone else for them.

I will bite but most of those positions require you to be very flexible, always available. Unfortunately a lack of available childcare that is also affordable means many parents particularly lone parents would struggle to have those jobs. If you have no family near by and no after school clubs for your school age child you are really restricted in when you can work. Just because you did doesn't mean everyone can.