What amount of money would you give to help another mother?

[ShrigleyInc]

What amount of money would you give to a single mother / mother of one/two child(ten) who is actually facing huge destitution this month because pay has come in late, bills have risen, demands on finances (debt repayments and utility bills increasing)have risen (due to age of child and time of year) despite only able to live on basics for over two years?

The person is in your circle, maybe close, maybe distant. You may or may not like them. Your children may or may not like their child/ren.

Yet, on the principle of helping, where you can, you would, if asked (not that this is likely as the person in poverty has extreme shame in being in this situation, but is somehow connected to you) - would you do the following, if at asked?

Help by giving:
£100...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£300...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£500...because you can with no knock on effect to your life
£Even more because you can....

I ask this for the following reasons: does the help have to be close to home / not too close - ie you need distance if you were asked.

or, does help just have to be needed in the outside world?

What are your actual principles on giving financial help?

I pay a monthly fee to UNICEF, because I believe it is good to do. But I got to thinking, there are many closer to us who need it, so what would you do?

Really interested.

Not chatGPT. Interesting that cynicism is the response. Seriously, just interested.

I volunteer for a charity which a much better way of giving to people in need, targeted to those I have an affinity for.

Well if their pay was late and I knew them, I would consider lending until wages came through but that's it.

^^
This

Ok. So, you would do it with 'strings'/'control' over the matter? Again, no issue, just interested.

I wouldn’t give money to a random person I don’t know. Especially not online.

I’m not uncomfortable lending money to people I know. I’ve been on the bones of my arse in the past and been helped, and been in a better position and been able to help.

Bazinga!

I've done a food shop in similar circumstances - and bought Ikea bedding once, but I have never given cash to anyone.

I agree.

I can't imagine a circumstance in which I would give someone £100 unless it was one of my own children.

Never knew Peter Singer was on MN.

Without them knowing, I pay £150 per month of a friend's rent, direct to their landlord (who I also know).

I will never tell my friend.

I can afford to do this.

It meant that her children could stay at their schools and not have to leave all their friends, when she needed to move house.

I have on occasion topped up a broke parents utilities card with £50. I have also paid towards a vet bill for a charity and do a local food bank shop for £50 a month. Usually toiletries tampons pads etc. I don't have a great income under 25K but I remember when I was really struggling on benefits before I could work full time and I live a very simple life, so if I can help I will.

I lent my friend £1000 which she needed for something specific. She paid me back £100 a month. I wouldn't just give my money away I don't think, at least not a substantial amount of it.

That’s very kind!

Why concerned?

You mean nosey. Which tabloid is this for?

Experience has taught me never to give cash to people, but I will give funds in deed, i.e., buy a food shop, top up electricity etc.

And yes, a gift is a gift: if I can afford it, I give it and don't expect it back.

The thing is, giving money to a friend who needs money is different in my mind to giving money to a charity that will be used to benefit many people. Yes, my charitable donation could go to someone I know instead of to a charity, but ultimately I'm then only helping one person, and very likely only in the short term - because someone who is struggling for money isn't likely to have that solved by me giving them £100+. Whereas a charity is more likely to turn the donation into more longer term support for many people.

I do not believe you are "just interested". You have definitely had some sort of discussion or argument with someone regarding this topic and are trying to find backup opinions. Or it's a reverse or you are testing the waters for someone else. Either way, the weird wording gives it away as it's strangely evasive whilst trying to ask a very direct question.

People are giving cynical answers because somewhere in all this, there is clearly some sort of intention of begging strangers for money without offering anything in return. The usage of "another mother" is irksome because it's trying to tug at people's heartstrings in a way that's too obvious yet intangible. Virtually everyone here are mothers. Some are struggling financially themselves. You are trying to gauge people's morals or principles by asking them to hand over their own hard earned money to someone who most likely didn't directly ask for it nor will they attempt to repay that amount for the greater good (eg. donating £100 doesn't necessarily mean this person's children will have a better childhood or end up happier people. Relying on charity is one of the most dangerous ways to live).

OP are you neurodivergent?

I probably wouldn't give cash but I would absolutely help on a practical level. If the situation was reversed, I wouldn't feel comfortable receiving cash but receiving some shopping/uniform/school trip paid for etc would be gratefully received.

I have given money ranging from £20 to £250 to friends with kids. I say given because I don’t ask for it back ever. I tell them if they can afford to pay me back they are welcome to but they don’t have to.

It has mainly been to one specific person who is a childhood friend. I’m not averse to the idea of giving money to someone I don’t know well but I’m a bit more cynical the older I’ve gotten.

The friend I used to give money to wasn’t a single parent. She had a partner who smokes a lot of weed and doesn’t contribute much to the house. I realised I was effectively paying for him, so I don’t give her money anymore.

Also if I need the money back I don’t loan it, I just wouldn’t give it out at all. I only give what I can afford not to be paid back to me. So I probably wouldn’t give out any more than £500. If people pay me back it’s a bonus but FWIW no one ever has 😂

Where is this question coming from? I think it needs context. How can you make a decision based on you might like them or might not. Might know them might not…

Who is this random single parent to me? If I don’t know them then why would I choose this particular struggling person to give my money to over all the others?

So confused…

IF I could afford it, I would be inclined to maybe pay a one-off item (one month’s utility bill/school uniform) and support with getting help from UC or food banks or job applications.
Nothing else is sustainable or appropriate really. But if it’s neither a friend nor someone actually asking, why and how would you?
There are good local charities that you can donate to.

I'd give, and have given, to https://www.acts435.org.uk/.

Otherwise, I'd have to know the person very well, that it was long term poverty or bad luck or escaping dv or similar that put them in this situation. I would seek to help by paying for specific things.

Brilliant idea. Thanks for this link.