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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just got a 'save the date' for a 2026 wedding

224 replies

Elizawho36 · 22/10/2023 10:36

Basically as the title reads for one of my friends wedding. We are in our mid 30's and whilst I'll of course be there, I can't help but feel sending them this early is a tad ridiculous! I know she's excited but every convo is about the wedding and going venue searching and it all seems odd to be for a wedding nearly 3 years away Confused

Having said that I did get engaged to married in less than 12 months which I know isn't the norm.

YABU - she's just excited
YANBU - its way too early!

OP posts:
Nousernamesleftatall · 22/10/2023 10:38

Voting isn’t enabled but yanbu.

CesareBorgia · 22/10/2023 10:39

It's a bit pointless because so much could happen in the space of 2-3 years.

Maireas · 22/10/2023 10:40

It's somewhat early. Who knows what will be happening or what anyone's situation will be 3 years hence. Just shelve it for now.

Ssme92 · 22/10/2023 10:40

If its a wedding abroad or in a ridiculously expensive venue I think it's nice to give people time to save but I could never do this as a bride. What if I didn't like half the people I'd sent a save that date to by the time the wedding comes around 😅

Original poster
Elizawho36 · 22/10/2023 10:41

Sorry didn't realise I had to enable it! She's even going dress shopping next month!

OP posts:
PurBal · 22/10/2023 10:42

No voting option but YANBU. I’m with you. Also had a relatively short engagement (March to September). So much can happen in 3 years.

Ponoka7 · 22/10/2023 10:42

Some people book holidays five years in advance. I know someone who does Japan every three years and the US every two. It stops someone else on the guest list booking something if they want to attend.

Maireas · 22/10/2023 10:43

True, @Ssme92 ! She's obviously excited, but it's certainly a long time ahead. I worked with a woman who was planning a wedding 2 years ahead, and by the end it got a bit much. The marriage lasted 3 years.

gotomomo · 22/10/2023 10:43

Sorry but that's a bit ridiculous, apart from the closest family/bridesmaids/best man it's strange to tell people more than a few months ahead because there's no way they can commit firmly. For a destination wedding a years notice is required I suppose but 3 years! Crazy

Trevorton · 22/10/2023 10:45

I personally don’t get it, literally anything could happen in that time. But then again I got engaged and married in 5mths. Big wedding too with all the usual gubbins. Best bit about doing it so quickly I had to make decisions quickly, no dithering trying on 100 dresses in 14 different shops. I just bought the third one I tried on. I think leaving this much time is just asking for loads of stress and trouble for the bride to be honest, imagine 3 years of talking and planning one day.. 😬

Original poster
Elizawho36 · 22/10/2023 10:47

It's not a destination wedding. I have told her in the nicest way so that I don't burst her happy bubble, to slow down a tad. Mainly because I don't want her to have it all planned out and then there's nothing to enjoy the next few years. Plus her style may change in what she wants etc.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 22/10/2023 10:47

Makes me think the wedding is more about the extravaganza, rather than actually getting married. Why so far ahead?

ButterflyDream · 22/10/2023 10:47

Sounds like she’s excited. That’s a nice thing.

LeefsPrings · 22/10/2023 10:48

It might make sense if you are tying the knot in a cathedral, which probably would need to be booked a long way ahead, but otherwise it is attention-seeking at its absolute finest.

Maireas · 22/10/2023 10:48

I think you're right, @Trevorton . People have too much time to overthink everything and fuss over minutiae. It genuinely impacted my friendship with that colleague, it really got too much.
Just think about what's happened in the last 3 years.

BerriesNutsConkers · 22/10/2023 10:48

Way too soon.
But I met and married within a year so long engagements and years of wedding ingredients planning are alien to me🤣

UndercoverCop · 22/10/2023 10:48

We got married abroad, gave 22 months notice, but really it was scoping friends and family first to see who would be able to come, if lots hasn't been we would've reconsidered the destination. As it was more than expected wanted to come, so we sent save the dates about 20 months before after we'd booked the location. It gave people time to book cheapest flights, time off work etc.
It seems odd to me to send save the dates before you have a location booked, what if you find the right place and that date isn't available? Surely you'd just shift the date by a week or two rather than give up the venue you want?

Original poster
Elizawho36 · 22/10/2023 10:49

UndercoverCop · 22/10/2023 10:48

We got married abroad, gave 22 months notice, but really it was scoping friends and family first to see who would be able to come, if lots hasn't been we would've reconsidered the destination. As it was more than expected wanted to come, so we sent save the dates about 20 months before after we'd booked the location. It gave people time to book cheapest flights, time off work etc.
It seems odd to me to send save the dates before you have a location booked, what if you find the right place and that date isn't available? Surely you'd just shift the date by a week or two rather than give up the venue you want?

I know I have thought this too. It's a specific date she wants to get married on (the day they met). I'm guessing she thinks that all 2026 dates will be available. Which I imagine they are! Lol

OP posts:
PlaidCushionProductions · 22/10/2023 10:51

The new norm is booking a year in advance and getting a deal! I’ve only a handful booked for 26,27,28
She’s really stupid sending save the date without securing venue first.

Ssme92 · 22/10/2023 10:52

I've no problem with a 3 year engagement or a 3 month engagement, each to their own, there's certainly no perfect length of time. I do think if she spends every minute of the next 3 years planning the wedding she won't enjoy the day as she'll be micromanaging small things that nobody cares about and the come down after the wedding day will be horrific

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz12 · 22/10/2023 10:53

It's only a save the date. I'd stick the date in my phone and forget about it until the actual invitations arrive

Mumof2teens79 · 22/10/2023 10:55

But that's the whole point of a save the date.

They have booked the venue etc (lots do now book up 3 years in advance in high season) and she wants to make sure key people are there, or have the best chance to be, so you save the date...or not it's your choice, she is literally just telling people what the date is.
And yes obviously she is excited

LeonBlack · 22/10/2023 10:56

It’s a bit daft. You can save the date, but it’s meaningless if something more important gets in the way.

mylittleprince · 22/10/2023 10:56

That's crazy. As long as they're not expecting an rsvp just yet. The problem is though everyone will know the date, and then if something else comes up (family wedding etc) have to hope this bride doesn't make it awkward if people turn the wedding down despite knowing 3 years in advance.

ColleenDonaghy · 22/10/2023 10:57

Ah she's excited for something nice. It's a bit OTT but unless she's actually asking anything unreasonable of you (multiple expensive hens or the like) then just nod and smile and leave her to it. And change the subject as soon as polite Grin