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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just got a 'save the date' for a 2026 wedding

224 replies

Elizawho36 · 22/10/2023 10:36

Basically as the title reads for one of my friends wedding. We are in our mid 30's and whilst I'll of course be there, I can't help but feel sending them this early is a tad ridiculous! I know she's excited but every convo is about the wedding and going venue searching and it all seems odd to be for a wedding nearly 3 years away Confused

Having said that I did get engaged to married in less than 12 months which I know isn't the norm.

YABU - she's just excited
YANBU - its way too early!

OP posts:
Maireas · 22/10/2023 10:58

I think that's the problem. If people then prioritise something else and she was first?

Itsbritneybitch22 · 22/10/2023 10:58

This year is nearly over so not really 3 years

Ella31 · 22/10/2023 11:00

I'm probably the only one saying this, but just let her enjoy the moment. She probably will have to make changes being this early out but its not the crime of the century to be excited.

Original poster
Elizawho36 · 22/10/2023 11:00

Itsbritneybitch22 · 22/10/2023 10:58

This year is nearly over so not really 3 years

It's September 2026 so near as damn it lol

OP posts:
zurala · 22/10/2023 11:00

Yabu. She's presumably booked a venue for that date and wants people to save the date so they can come. Why are you being mean about it? She is excited, that's normal.

Original poster
Elizawho36 · 22/10/2023 11:01

Ella31 · 22/10/2023 11:00

I'm probably the only one saying this, but just let her enjoy the moment. She probably will have to make changes being this early out but its not the crime of the century to be excited.

I know but that's the thing. I think she will enjoy the entire experience so much more if she slows down a tad. I don't want her to have everything planned out and there's still 2.5 years to go!

OP posts:
Maireas · 22/10/2023 11:05

She'll probably have 2 kids by then and it'll have to be organised in a rush a fortnight before! In all seriousness, it seems a bit much, but if it makes her happy, fine.

Devilsmommy · 22/10/2023 11:06

Elizawho36 · 22/10/2023 10:41

Sorry didn't realise I had to enable it! She's even going dress shopping next month!

Like you I was married within 13 months, 3 years is ridiculous. Hope she doesn't put loads of weight on or lose a shed load if she buys a dress this soon. I wonder if that level of excitement can last 3yrs, for your sake I hope not🤣🤣

zingally · 22/10/2023 11:07

It's definitely too early!

Like others have said, you've no idea what people's lives will look like 3 years from now.
Personally, looking back at my wedding photos, there are people in them who I wouldn't have invited if I'd been 3 years in the future.

wildthingsinthenight · 22/10/2023 11:08

YANBU

MolkosTeenageAngst · 22/10/2023 11:09

YANBU. I never understand why people plan weddings years in advance, if you want to get married why would you wait? Weddings should be about the commitment and building a life together, not the big day. If they’re ready to wed they should want to do so soon and if they feel like they’re not ready yet then they’re also not ready to be engaged. 3 years in advance is crazy, to be honest anyone who plans their wedding more than a year in advance seems to me like someone who cares more about the big day/ party than the actual marriage.

SweeetFemaleAttitude · 22/10/2023 11:10

Lol, I’d have had 2/3 children but the time of the wedding 😂
Can’t imagine the dress would fit

CheshireCat1 · 22/10/2023 11:11

Let her enjoy the build up, she’ll probably calm down a bit once the initial excitement has worn off.

Mojodojocasahaus · 22/10/2023 11:12

We had to book 2.5 years in advance for a Saturday summer wedding in the venue we wanted 🤷‍♀️Could it be that?

Having said that we booked and then shut up about it for the next 18 months

WhatICallMyUsername · 22/10/2023 11:15

We got sent a very expensive looking save the date card 18 months before the wedding. All fine but then they sent the wedding invites out 6 months later a whole year before! So what was the point?! Plus the RSVP date was 3 months before the wedding when most people send out the invites

We didn't go anyway

Ella31 · 22/10/2023 11:15

Elizawho36 · 22/10/2023 11:01

I know but that's the thing. I think she will enjoy the entire experience so much more if she slows down a tad. I don't want her to have everything planned out and there's still 2.5 years to go!

Show quote history

I get it and you sound like a good friend too, to be concerned for her. I was a covid bride so ended up waiting 2 years to get married. I actually got loads done as I did a lot of DIY myself and saved. So this might be something you could suggest to her. Dress shopping I'd deffo to early at this point as where will she store it plus bridesmaids could be expecting or move away or fluctuate in size but venue booking is no harm. They do book out fast

Totaly · 22/10/2023 11:15

I booked and paid for a wedding 6 weeks in advance. Done and dusted and like PP I walked into a shop tried two dresses and picked one.

TBH I was fed up of the two years discussing and planning a wedding a friend had - bored to tears and dreaded all family gatherings discussing favours and music tracks. All consuming and pointless.

2chocolateoranges · 22/10/2023 11:18

Seems a bit strange but as it’s a destination wedding it’s maybe to encourage people to save for going.

I have a friend who got engaged and booked the wedding for 2 years later then got miffed when other friends were getting engaged and married before her wedding day.

we got engaged in a December and married the next spring, we thought , why wait?

Lemonyfuckit · 22/10/2023 11:18

We took two years to plan our wedding but we definitely didn't send out the save the dates at that point, probably a year if that. The two years planning was just for us, to a) give us enough time to safe up (without having to sacrifice every holiday or meal out in the meantime which was just our choice) and b) we didn't want to feel like every weekend had to be wedding admin etc, we wanted to pace ourselves precisely because we didn't want to have to be intensely 'organising a wedding' all the time. I honestly couldn't imagine 3 yrs of full on wedding planning, that sounds like a nightmare but each to their own! Possibly she's just in the first excited phase of planning it and will ease off.

Elphame · 22/10/2023 11:18

I also met and married DP within a very short time frame (less than a year).

I just can't imagine booking a date so far ahead unless you want a very highly sort after venue and even then I'd go with somewhere else as it wouldn't be worth the wait to me.

MorningWorkoutOrSleep · 22/10/2023 11:19

I know but that's the thing. I think she will enjoy the entire experience so much more if she slows down a tad. I don't want her to have everything planned out and there's still 2.5 years to go!

Maybe she'll enjoy it if she gets everything organised sooner rather than later. She's not you and she can do it her way instead of yours.

Warum · 22/10/2023 11:19

I'd say that's OTT.
Also, I'd only be 'saving the date' if it was a close family member/friend/wedding I actually really wanted to attend.

WombatBombat · 22/10/2023 11:21

This reminds me of the best comment I have ever seen on Facebook, where a friend had set her wedding date for 3.5 years in the future and had put a gushing post about how she needs everyone the save the date, they have had enough notice so should be able to make all attempts to be there.

Her uncle left a comment saying “well I’m pretty sure I’ll be there, but your 82 year old gran might not”.

Catlord · 22/10/2023 11:22

She or the groom might have close friends or family having to do long haul to get there. 2 and a bit years isn't ridiculous to save and plan flights and accommodation if they're not loaded. If so, they might have sent it out in the knowledge that it'll be some invitees' main holiday for a few years with the cost of everything now.

My cousin sent 'save the dates' out 2 years+ in advance. Her venue wasn't super fancy or a cathedral but it booked up quickly as was one of the nicest places on budget locally plus she had a couple of friends coming a long way. Didn't think much of it. I'd there was a change if circs such as a baby due then that would have been for her to rearrange.

dottiedodah · 22/10/2023 11:30

Im guessing shes excited ,but nearly 3 years! that seems extreme. Just let her enjoy the moment for now .Sounds like you wont forget the date if she mentions it all the time anyway!

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