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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just got a 'save the date' for a 2026 wedding

224 replies

Elizawho36 · 22/10/2023 10:36

Basically as the title reads for one of my friends wedding. We are in our mid 30's and whilst I'll of course be there, I can't help but feel sending them this early is a tad ridiculous! I know she's excited but every convo is about the wedding and going venue searching and it all seems odd to be for a wedding nearly 3 years away Confused

Having said that I did get engaged to married in less than 12 months which I know isn't the norm.

YABU - she's just excited
YANBU - its way too early!

OP posts:
FeverBeam · 22/10/2023 14:20

I'd just roll my eyes and have a little laugh to myself about it. No doubt there'd be a bit of whatsappping 'did you get a Save the date for Sophie's wedding...three whole years from now??'

FeverBeam · 22/10/2023 14:21

I wouldn't actually consider 'saving' the date though until much closer to the time

StarlightLime · 22/10/2023 14:22

YANBU. Ridiculous.

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 22/10/2023 14:25

I think she can just plan her wedding how she likes.

She can plan her wedding how she likes. She can't expect everyone else to plan their lives around it, three years in advance.

I usually say you should honour the commitment you first agreed to, but many things might come up in three years which would take priority over this Save the Date.

nobleisle · 22/10/2023 14:25

3 years! That's ridiculous

Floralnomad · 22/10/2023 14:28

It’s ridiculous .

MaryShelley1818 · 22/10/2023 14:30

3yrs is ridiculous.
We got engaged in June and married in December.

I think some people are more excited about the wedding than the marriage.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 22/10/2023 14:31

She'll get bored of the dress by then and buy a new one I guarantee. And the £1000s she's spend now will feel like it never happened because it was so long ago and she'll spend the same on a replacement 🤷🏼‍♀️ can't imagine why you'd start planning a wedding 3 years in advance or pick a date that far in the future but hey.

Essenceofpetunia · 22/10/2023 14:35

It’s a bit OTT and would make me roll my eyes but I’d bite my tongue. However, looking at dresses this soon is ridiculous, and if she is already talking about it all the time too, that would do my head in and I’d have to distance myself a bit or maybe when we got together allow her 5 mins or so of wedding chat and then just change the subject 😂

Mari9999 · 22/10/2023 14:39

@Elizawho36
Maybe she has a deposit on a venue that was booked up for 3 years and she is wanting to ensure attendance. In a 3 year period so much can change, but that is a life lesson that she will no doubt learn over the next 3 years.

Be a supportive friend, but stay out of the advice giving arena unless invited in. You will probably be viewed as jealous or raining on her parade with your well intentioned advice.

DontDareToGetOld · 22/10/2023 14:41

They'll hate each other by then 🤣

SisterAgatha · 22/10/2023 14:43

A full 20 months before my brother in laws wedding, his sister was trying to book the place we should eat our dinner the night before. And even attempted to “hold” somewhere in case it gets booked up. It was 10 miles from the wedding location. No one told her to calm down either, maybe I’m lax in planning but I really feel for the bride getting bulldozed in to all these wedding adjacent events in 2024.

bluepurpleangel · 22/10/2023 14:48

A lot of people I know aren’t that organised and will forget about a wedding planned that far ahead. Unless she’s planning to send out regular reminders…

Mari9999 · 22/10/2023 14:49

@Elizawho36
I can't imagine wanting a 3+ year engagement. I would not have announced an engagement 3+ years before the intended wedding, but each to his or her own.

Grendell · 22/10/2023 15:11

She's going to drive her fiancé crazy over the next 3 years, possibly drive him away.

wheatsheaf8 · 22/10/2023 15:22

If I got engaged but didn't plan on getting married for 3 years, I wouldn't even bother telling people.

harerunner · 22/10/2023 15:29

frenchfries111 · 22/10/2023 12:17

What if you hate the dress (actually I know someone who did this. Bought the dress the day after she got engaged, hated it 2 years later) and what if your body shape changes and it doesn’t suit?

More importantly, what if she hates her fiancé in three years?!

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 22/10/2023 15:40

YANBU

3 years is ridiculous.

whynotwhatknot · 22/10/2023 15:55

way too early-not being funny i have no idea what will happen next year let alone 3

and shes getting a dress way too early aswell

rocknrollaa · 22/10/2023 16:00

YANBU. It's daft to send out wedding invitations/ save the dates 3 years in advance. Anything could happen between now and then, you might not even be friends anymore (hopefully you will but you never know - 3 years is a long time).

I think she's silly because in 3 years' time her relationships/ friendship groups could be different to what they are right now and then she would be in the awkward position of having to un-invite people, or having to invite people she is no longer close to.

We had this because of Covid (original wedding in 2020, actual wedding in 2022) and some people invited in 2020 didn't get invited in 2022. It was awkward but that's how it is!

I would advise a year in advance at most!

23Oct · 22/10/2023 16:06

Gosh I'm still waiting for a save the date for next august!

Mind you, I know the date has been set but nothing mentioned, which I'm finding odd. Bit worried I've fallen off the guest list which would be sad as I really want to go, but need to plan our holidays!

K4tM · 22/10/2023 16:07

I really don’t care. I don’t even know why I’m reading this thread … The young woman seems harmless enough but has an over inflated opinion of herself if she thinks people are really going to save the date 3 years in advance.

RommyRommyRommm · 22/10/2023 16:24

It’s one of those weddings for everyone else. They’ll either split before the date, or stay married for a few months just to save face before the divorce. YANBU.

Peachtoiletpaper · 22/10/2023 16:25

K4tM · 22/10/2023 16:07

I really don’t care. I don’t even know why I’m reading this thread … The young woman seems harmless enough but has an over inflated opinion of herself if she thinks people are really going to save the date 3 years in advance.

Not necessarily if family have to travel, maybe with kids and limited funds. Theres a difference between early and late 2026 too.

Work pals may drop off in that time so the guest list may not be final based on the 2023 responses but she/ fiance may have reasons to try and secure the attendance of close friends and family- visas dont take 2 years but can take more time than expected for instance. Not saying it's definitely this but not everyone gets married with only those from down the road in attendance.

Not sure about wanting a dress that far ahead of time though!

PeachesAndTea · 22/10/2023 16:31

RommyRommyRommm · 22/10/2023 16:24

It’s one of those weddings for everyone else. They’ll either split before the date, or stay married for a few months just to save face before the divorce. YANBU.

I have no words!

what a statement to make. This woman sounds harmless and just excited.