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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just got a 'save the date' for a 2026 wedding

224 replies

Elizawho36 · 22/10/2023 10:36

Basically as the title reads for one of my friends wedding. We are in our mid 30's and whilst I'll of course be there, I can't help but feel sending them this early is a tad ridiculous! I know she's excited but every convo is about the wedding and going venue searching and it all seems odd to be for a wedding nearly 3 years away

Having said that I did get engaged to married in less than 12 months which I know isn't the norm.

YABU - she's just excited
YANBU - its way too early!

OP posts:

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 24/10/2023 03:50

Well, she either gets married on that date or she doesn't! No harm, either way!

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 24/10/2023 03:53

But my calendar is only for a year😀

YireosDodeAver · 24/10/2023 04:09

Yanbu especially if she hasn't got a venue booked yet - chances are she will change the date anyway when she finds the right venue and discovers that it's not available or is twice the normal price on the date she has picked, and you can't book travel or accommodation this far in advance

Imisssleep2 · 24/10/2023 07:20

Not sure how they can send them if they haven't found their venue yet, we found our venue first then picked a date from those available.

Yes it is a bit early, but I guess the earlier the better if you want all your nearest and dearest there.

TiredMummma · 24/10/2023 07:46

This far in advance I would definitely forget and need another reminder

CakeIsNotAvailable · 24/10/2023 08:18

LeefsPrings · 22/10/2023 10:48

It might make sense if you are tying the knot in a cathedral, which probably would need to be booked a long way ahead, but otherwise it is attention-seeking at its absolute finest.

I got married in a cathedral with 3 months' notice! We were both regular worshippers there though.

LizM66 · 24/10/2023 08:24

Just smile, put in diary and forget. Prob wrong person to comment as I did maths and figured money better spent on house deposit, so quicky registry for us. But be happy for her a lot can change won't affect your life in the slightest. BW

Stormyweathr · 24/10/2023 08:58

I’ve got my holiday booked for 2025, in this day and age and with ridiculous prices you have to be ahead, so I would say she is just being organised and making sure people like me don’t book anything

Mamabear487 · 24/10/2023 09:28

Way to early. I’m getting married sept 2025 abroad and I plan to send the save the dates out 1.5 years before and then invites a year before just so they can book flights as soon as they are released and cheaper

Montegufoni2017 · 24/10/2023 09:46

I think both. It is crazy far away but she is just excited. Join in the excitement, only positivity can come from that. I doubt she’ll be running round as excited in a few months, it’ll calm down and she’ll remember how excited you were for her too

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 24/10/2023 09:47

Chances are they'll split up before then so I wouldn't bother 😂

WollyParton · 24/10/2023 13:31

I run an ABBA tribute band and sometimes get this sort of future enquiry. I always say yes, but with the stipulation that anything could happen between now and then. I also add an appropriate fee for inflation and cost of living increase (which has turned out to be a prudent decision!)

LeefsPrings · 24/10/2023 14:38

CakeIsNotAvailable · 24/10/2023 08:18

I got married in a cathedral with 3 months' notice! We were both regular worshippers there though.

Show quote history

That must have been wonderful - did they fire up the organ?

GabriellaFaith · 24/10/2023 15:55

I'd be grateful for so much notice and it's nice that she's excited. We planned for 3 years and also did save the dates about 2 years before. We thought becauee of the time of year others would be looking at weddings then too (few of us engaged together so to avoid clashes on weddings / honeymoons etc) and we wanted an unuska day (a Friday) as it was our 10 year anniversary that day. Now 12 years down the line my life evolves around my girls dance, and the dates for that are being planned over a year ahead, so I'd still do the same thinkinh some people would find it helpful and something for them to look forward to as well.

Why does it matter if its earlier than you think it needs to be? It's a save the date not a hard and fast RSVP.

Sorry, but you just sound miserable.

Tiredmama53 · 24/10/2023 16:10

I had a 2 and a half year engagement out of necessity. We had to pay things in dribs and drabs and aren't really good at saving so it was better to just book things really spread out and we did quite a lot of diy things that took me time to do as well. I still really enjoyed the day and everything leading up to it I don't know why you are convinced she won't. She's only sent the save the date I think you're massively overthrowing and are way more concerned about this than is necessary. At the end of the day its not really your business if she wants to do it this way if she does lose enjoyment then that's on her isn't it and nothing to do with you.

Venues these days get booked up really far in advance as well, I have three weddings booked for 2026 and a couple for the end of 2025. If she wants a specific date she's doing the right thing booking so far in advance.

Foxesandsquirrels · 24/10/2023 17:22

Hope things work out for her. I don't see the point in waiting that long on e you already know though. Many actual marriages don't last this long.

TravellingT · 24/10/2023 17:45

Friend has done the same, got engaged and send out invitations in Jan 2020 for a Jan 2024 wedding. Her taste has changed massively but she planned and bought decor and outfits in 2020/21. The wedding is green and gold themed, like her house and life was in 2020, now she wears beige, walls are beige etc and she hates her choices.

TwoCoffeesPlease · 24/10/2023 19:16

@TravellingT that is FOUR years though which really does seem excessive (I didn’t even know you could book a venue that far out). Wild to think she booked her wedding pre-pandemic and here we are and she hasn’t had it yet!

Maireas · 24/10/2023 19:34

4 years! Does she even have the same friends?

Ellyess · 24/10/2023 20:53

I do find it very odd to plan it so far ahead and send out invitations. But everyone is different. I don't think she will be able to slow down as you suggest. Maybe time will slow her down a bit. I was thinking how choosing the dress now might be a bit early. Having an idea of it and where to buy it maybe, but I would not have it made and waiting yet.
As it was mentioned, I still don't understand how people think having their wedding abroad is a good idea and expect people to pay to attend. I know you said this wedding is not abroad. Just throwing out a thought...
If she's your age do they plan to have children? Wouldn't it be better not to wait too long? If they are in love, surely people want to be together? So why delay the wedding day?
Well, that's all my thoughts. I perfectly accept that everyone is different though, so I'd go along with her ideas and let her enjoy it. It may be like a Fairy Story kind of experience for her. I mean that really kindly, like she is loving every moment of being the Bride to-be and wants to stretch it out as much as possible.

Meowandthen · 24/10/2023 20:56

CBA to RTFT but how ridiculous. If she’s like this now, everyone will be bored shitless about this wedding long before it happens.

So much drama about weddings and not enough focus on relationships.

carly2803 · 24/10/2023 22:35

someone i use to know did this - found a dress 2 years before wedding etc

dress didnt fit (obviously?)!, and had about 85 hen dos before the day too

properly strung out and rediculous

each to their own but insaine

Bear198 · 26/10/2023 10:28

The usual is between a year and two years for planning purposes and even then you don't send out save the dates until you've secured a venue and at least gotten part way through planning. We sent ours out a year before the date and then invitations 6 months before. Although we had a rough idea of who was coming and who wasn't anyway just from talking to people.

Three years does seem excess but having said that we started the process 18 months before and even then venues were getting full. We had the last available date for our chosen venue so didn't get a choice of dates.

nopuppiesallowed · 03/11/2023 13:15

Speaking as someone getting engaged in the January and married in July of that same year, planning a wedding so far ahead seems strange to me.....

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