Just got a 'save the date' for a 2026 wedding

[Elizawho36]

Basically as the title reads for one of my friends wedding. We are in our mid 30's and whilst I'll of course be there, I can't help but feel sending them this early is a tad ridiculous! I know she's excited but every convo is about the wedding and going venue searching and it all seems odd to be for a wedding nearly 3 years away

Having said that I did get engaged to married in less than 12 months which I know isn't the norm.

YABU - she's just excited
YANBU - its way too early!

Is it in a special date such as Easter?

I would probably think bridezilla in the making

If they have set the date by booking the venue or are just about to do so, I don’t see why they wouldn’t do their guests the courtesy of letting them know the date. You don’t have to commit. It just gives you information that might be helpful as you are planning your own major life activities for the next few years. Perhaps fall 2026 won’t be the ideal time to take that dream holiday after all, maybe you want to do it in 2025 instead.

Well you know what they say... the more expensive and longer the wedding takes to plan, the shorter the marriage lasts!

I find it bizarre booking that far ahead.

I think if you were planning a dream holiday 3 years ahead, you'd go on that, and not delay it for someone's wedding. Which may not happen.

I admire their ability to plan! But it's a bit early. I guess they want to be sure people will come. Is it abroad?

I ideally need a year's notice to be sure of getting time off work. I hate when people think 6 months' notice is enough. We missed a wedding earlier this year because of this.

Well you know what they say... the more expensive and longer the wedding takes to plan, the shorter the marriage lasts!

This is always said so gleefully on Mumsnet.

The only acceptable way to plan a wedding on MN is a budget dinner down the local pub for a hen night and a registry office wedding, because it’s just a ‘legal contract’ and deserves no big celebration. Has to be organised within 6 months of getting engaged.

If someone decides to plan more than that, they’re obviously destined for divorce 🙄

I would only want a save the date 12 months in advance. That seems like a normal and helpful amount of notice. I'd feel that a couple asking me to save a date in 2026 were overestimating the importance of their big day to me. If I was planning a dream holiday it wouldn't be altered by a wedding date.

I feel torn on this one!

I sent our save the dates in August 22 for my Easter 24 wedding which was possibly a bit premature but I was following the lead of my friend who sent out save the dates for her September 23 wedding in October 21…

I do think that 3 years is a bit different to 1.5years though so agree it’s a bit ridiculous.

However I also get the being excited want to feel like it’s really happening feeling.

Although I do think it’s odd she has no venue, it’s not really giving any info.

On balance I think it’s harmless

My friend ended up getting married 3 years after they sent the invites, not by choice but because of COVID delays. And the issue is that she had changed jobs by then and had started to drift apart from a few of the guests, especially those from her old workplace ... not to make her sound fickle (she isn't, we've been friends for 35 years!) but these things do happen, and I think that is one of the risks of such a long lead time, as others have said. By the time she was issuing invites for the rescheduled wedding, she was starting to wish she could not invite some of her guestlist, and invite other more current friends!

I dont really understand long engagements. I was married just shy of a year after getting engaged.

3 years is far too long! Why the wait?

Money?
Pregnancy?
Other commitments?

I got engaged last October and we haven’t started planning yet as other major life events got in the way.

@TwoCoffeesPlease why so far in advance? Aug 22 for Easter 24?

@FilthyforFirth because they want to......? 😅 There is no written rule about the perfect length of an engagement! Each to their own!

Some people cannot just take time off work when they want, so the more notice the better

Even if she is being over the top. I can’t help but wonder what kind of a friend you are? The kind of friend I do not want in my life for sure. YABU and a horrible person to start this thread.

Never mind half the people I’d sent an invite to, I’d be concerned I wouldn’t still like the groom by the time the wedding came around!

@AllegroConMoto 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I was just thinking there I would most definitely forget about it

This is what we did. I blame the Hugh Grant film of 1994.

IMO it's not the engagement per se, but all the accompanying excitement around it. So many people kept asking us about wedding planning! I guess it's a natural question when people see the ring on your finger.

We only started planning close to a year after getting engaged because we were buying a house. If it had all gone south we'd probably have postponed the wedding even more.

If I had my way I wouldn't have worn a ring and done the whole engagement thing until we were ready to marry, as the agreement between me and now-DH is enough. But he wanted to propose and do a ring. OK then.

@Maireas as I said, I was following the lead of a friend who had recently sent out save the dates 23 months out

Right, so just following a sort of trend? Maybe it's a thing now.

Maybe she is anticipating other couples close to her who might want to get married around the same time and is locking in her date ahead of them. I know close first cousins who got married one day after the other, nightmare for the family!

Oh wow! We got married within a year of getting engaged (and had a massive wedding). This consumed my life for that period and I was glad to not have to think about it frankly when the day arrived, despite everyone saying “You’ll miss the planning”. A few months was long enough for me and I mostly really enjoyed the process. Also, let’s just say some of our guests had different names to those invited due to split relationships and new relationships in that short time frame. My point is that a lot can happen in three years - which makes life wonderful but also scary. But it’s nice she’s excited. As a friend though, I’d be telling her don’t get a dress until at most a year before. See Vinted for would-be lockdown period brides selling brand new dresses for a fraction of the price as they simply didn’t love them anymore after looking at it for so long.