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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do kids trump dogs?

207 replies

GloriousCats · 19/10/2023 19:00

My sister has no children but has a dog (Staffordshire terrier and a pretty solid big version of that) which she dotes on. I have two children (7 and 5 years) the younger of which is completely phobic of dogs and gets very upset and panicky around them. This is especially the case with my sister’s dog as it’s very solidly built, has a habit of jumping up and has knocked him down a couple of times. My parents and my sister refuse to ‘pander’ to my child’s fears and believe the dog has equal rights to run around free etc during family visits. My mother has said for example that the dog is as much her grandchild as my two children and if I can’t get on board with that then I should take the kids and leave. Am I mental or is this properly crazy? To be clear my thoughts are that my sister should either leave her dog at home during family get togethers or shut her in another room for the couple of hours we’re there, to avoid my child screaming, crying and panicking. And yes I am aware this is phobic behaviour from him and I am working on slowly getting him used to being around dogs - but I am also aware putting him in terrifying situations off the bat will just make his phobia grow.

OP posts:
AllegroConMoto · 19/10/2023 19:03

My mother has said for example that the dog is as much her grandchild as my two children and if I can’t get on board with that then I should take the kids and leave.

Your mother is being very unreasonable here.

I can understand your sister prioritising her dog - may just need to accept that meet-ups are more tricky at the moment.

Sofaz34 · 19/10/2023 19:03

Yea she could compromise and at least keep them separate. Maybe your children can take the dog for walks with your sister or you and see a different more distracted version of the dog. Maybe play fetch and have fun might help the feeling towards the dog.

HikingforScenery · 19/10/2023 19:03

Your mum has made her choice. If she’s the host, you can’t force her to change her mind. You’ll need to leave DC with their dad or not attend. I’d not take my children to places they’ll be terribly unhappy at, especially due to badly behaved animals

The dogs are as much dgc to your mum as your children are? Your mum must be trying to make your sister feel better about something?

Dramatic · 19/10/2023 19:04

This is absolutely crazy, the fact she said a dog was equal to her grandchildren is some mad shit.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 19/10/2023 19:05

Your sister is the favourite child, yes?

You need to distance yourself from these people. If they can’t respect a child’s phobia then there’s no hope.

Coldinscotland · 19/10/2023 19:06

Your dm is a knob. But imo addressing your dc's phobia is vital.
We cured dd's by getting a dpuppy...

Beachywave · 19/10/2023 19:06

Your family are mental.
My brother's dog is their baby but the dog kept jumping on me (huge Dalmatian cross breed) when I was heavily pregnant then almost landed on my newborn baby once and since then he's never brought him to family dinners or anything. It just means that they don't stay more than a couple of hours because they won't leave the dog which is fine, they know it's not safe to have him around my young children and children come first.

Your mum telling you to take the kids home is putting the dog first, not even equal. I'd be so upset and not bother going next time!

switswoo81 · 19/10/2023 19:07

If my mother saw her flesh and blood to an an equal to an animal I don't know how much I would want to go there in the first place.

NoRealChange · 19/10/2023 19:09

My mother has said for example that the dog is as much her grandchild as my two children.

This is madness. But MN shows that many people have lost all rational thinking when it comes to dogs, and think children are inferior to canines.

I could not get past this comment from your mum. Appalling.

Justcallmebebes · 19/10/2023 19:09

Your mother is batshit. No way would I put a dog before my GC

Floralnomad · 19/10/2023 19:10

I think this is likely more about your mum thinking that you should do more to sort out your child’s issues with dogs .

Universalsnail · 19/10/2023 19:10

Kids over dogs. Your mother is insane. Sister should put dog in another room although you should work on calmly working on introducing the dog to your child slowly.

Anygoodidea · 19/10/2023 19:10

Do kids trump dogs? Yes.

I was expecting a different thread. But yes unequivocally without question the answer is yes kids always trump dogs.

GodDammitCecil · 19/10/2023 19:10

That is absolutely bat shit.

But your mother has made her choice and it’s the dog.

So you have no choice but to go along with it.

Sorry, OP - that’s pretty unbelievable. Not that I don’t believe you! Just unbelievably bad.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/10/2023 19:12

Your family is fucking batshit, and your kids being around that dog is a recipe for disaster.

modgepodge · 19/10/2023 19:12

I have a similar situation with a dog phobic 4 year old and my brother fairly recently having got a dog. Admittedly it is soft as anything, just lies in the corner and doesn’t jump up and bark, in fact it’s the ideal sort of dog for my daughter to spend time with. But she is still terrified and cries if it even stands up, which my family respond to by laughing at her and saying in increasingly exasperated tones ‘he won’t hurt you!’ They don’t seem to understand that she can’t control her feelings or response.

I am totally on your side OP. But all you can do is remove your child from situations you/they are not comfortable with. So refuse to attend gatherings where the dog will be. I no longer visit my brother at his home and keep visits elsewhere short if the dog is present. If the dog was barky/jumpy, I’d opt out completely.

BashfulClam · 19/10/2023 19:13

Coldinscotland · 19/10/2023 19:06

Your dm is a knob. But imo addressing your dc's phobia is vital.
We cured dd's by getting a dpuppy...

That’s how my parents cured me. I was petrified and walked in the sofa so she wouldn’t nip my ankles. Her cuteness won me over though and now I adore dogs.

Original poster
GloriousCats · 19/10/2023 19:13

To those wondering, yes my sister is the favourite child and that’s ok - I’ve made my peace with that. It is what it is.
Im glad I’m not the only one who finds this insane. My mother admits freely that she is not a maternal person and I am aware she is a serious dog lover, but I still can’t quite believe this approach.

OP posts:
Over40Overdating · 19/10/2023 19:15

As a childless pet owner who loves my animals beyond measure - your mother is being mad.
And all she’s doing is ensuring your child’s phobia becomes permanently ingrained.

bookworm14 · 19/10/2023 19:15

Is your mother insane? A dog is not a fucking grandchild.

Lizzieregina · 19/10/2023 19:18

I think it’s awful that they don’t crate the dog when the kids are around, especially since he doesn’t seem to be very well trained. Definitely kids over dogs in this scenario.

My sister has a tiny dog, but 2 of her grandkids are terrified of it. When they come to visit, dog goes into his outside pen for the duration.

I used to take care of a kid who was terrified of all dogs, and I helped him get used to my big old dog by letting him help to walk him. He’s now a teenager and a dog owner/lover. So maybe you could find some opportunities for your kids to try and get used to dogs a little bit.

GodDammitCecil · 19/10/2023 19:20

Just keep your distance for your own mental health. Flowers

Original poster
GloriousCats · 19/10/2023 19:22

Some of these answers (I thank you for them!) have got me thinking about how I could work on my son’s phobia. My DH is adamant we are not getting a dog until the kids are a fair bit older as life is just a LOT as it is right now. So if anyone has any good ideas for getting my son past his phobia that don’t involve getting a dog I’d really love to hear them! I like the idea of walking other people’s dogs…

OP posts:
heldinadream · 19/10/2023 19:23

I really, really am not usually inclined to say this, but I actually think your family are cunts and you'd be happier without them. How bloody dare they be so horrible to your child OP.

PantsOfDoom · 19/10/2023 19:24

They don’t seem to want your kids over … so don’t bother meeting up

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