Do kids trump dogs?

[GloriousCats]

My sister has no children but has a dog (Staffordshire terrier and a pretty solid big version of that) which she dotes on. I have two children (7 and 5 years) the younger of which is completely phobic of dogs and gets very upset and panicky around them. This is especially the case with my sister’s dog as it’s very solidly built, has a habit of jumping up and has knocked him down a couple of times. My parents and my sister refuse to ‘pander’ to my child’s fears and believe the dog has equal rights to run around free etc during family visits. My mother has said for example that the dog is as much her grandchild as my two children and if I can’t get on board with that then I should take the kids and leave. Am I mental or is this properly crazy? To be clear my thoughts are that my sister should either leave her dog at home during family get togethers or shut her in another room for the couple of hours we’re there, to avoid my child screaming, crying and panicking. And yes I am aware this is phobic behaviour from him and I am working on slowly getting him used to being around dogs - but I am also aware putting him in terrifying situations off the bat will just make his phobia grow.

I must say I find that hard to believe. I have had dogs as pets and loved them deeply but absolutely nowhere near as much as I love my children. Not even close. I would genuinely give my life for my children - I would never do that for a dog.

A phobia is an irrational fear.
A Staffie could actually kill your child if out of control and your family are doing a great job of showing they wont step in to protect your child.

So no, I don't think you should get a dog(barking) to get rid of your child's evolutionary instinctual fear that keeps them safe.

What's next? Swimming lessons with the local pedo?
Cage of tarantulas in the bed?
Humans have very good reason to be wary of dogs and want them under control. If more people understood that they'd be less mainimins and killings, which of course result on perfectly rational 'phobias'.

Your mum and sister are arses. Sorry op.

Sure do! In a different way but I would say just as much yes. In a life & death situation, I would obviously choose my DD every time!

You might find it disturbing & that’s ok but I don’t & that’s ok too!

@StarDolphins

I love him just as much as my DD but In a different way

You're setting yourself up for a lot of heartache there. Dog life span is on average 13/14 years and you may need to make the decision to have the dog PTS at the end. For your own mental wellbeing, I'd try to temper that view a little.

It must be a perspective thing then, because with the clarification of “In a life & death situation, I would obviously choose my DD every time” it sounds less … unusual.

I thought you were saying it was a situation where you saw them both as equal - that if you had to chose just one to survive then it would be difficult to decide.

How about for every time your child has been knocked over you get to push your sister or mum to the floor.

Kidding don't really do this, the dog will rip your throat out. A friend's Staffie once went for me because I gave her a first bump.

Someone should go and knock them down and see how they feel about that, idiots

You’re right but I will unselfishly make the right decision for him. He’s 12 now too! I will be really heartbroken & bereaved as will my DD but better to have loved & lost & all that & I’m thankfully mentally tough!

My DN was terrified by my DDog,48kg German Shepherd (so understandable). The way we helped her to get used to him was to meet for a dog walk every week. And encourage her to get involved; she would help hold his lead, do some training, or throw his ball (with a ball chucky, so no hands near mouths etc). Week by week she got more comfortable. I think walking around with him in an open space, where she wasn't in his line of focus because he was more focused on his ball, really helped her to start to understand him more. And the small interactions helped to build a bit more of a bond. I taught her commands like "sit, down, no, leave it" etc so she felt more in control of him. And he would listen to her, which made her feel more confident.
I don't know if this would work with you DC because it does require a lot of patience and a lot of control of the situation and training on your sisters behalf. But if you can both commit to a weekly walk, eventually your DC will start to expect the walk and hopefully start to look forward to it. Also dog walks will expose him to a few more dogs.

@Janiie the child has the fear not the dog so yes the kid in the safe space! If the dog didn't like kids (we have one in the family that doesn't really like people and is really scared) then they have a safe space upstairs away from house parties etc. It's like if you fall off a horse you get up and back in the saddle.

We wouldn't keep our dog away from someone they just wouldn't come to our house, we can meet on neutral territory. GC I would just raise them with animals so it's normal to have multiple dogs at grandmas.

DS has been bit before and has a small scar, yet if you asked him to pick a favourite it would be the dog. He's also broke his arm falling off a bike hasn't stopped him riding one as he was back on a few weeks later

I love dogs, but your poor boy being frightened and his own nan and aunt not seeming to give a shit. 😔 That's awful.

You can't change their behaviour but you can change yours. Stop taking your kids to where your sister and dog are for a start. It's not fair on your poor son (or the dog) if he's scared and understandable screaming and crying when being jumped on. If this means that your mum doesn't get everyone together for family occasions, tough. Your priority is your child.

Hopefully, when they realise they're missing out on seeing you and your kids, they'll see they need to compromise. Leaving the dog at home if possible, or keeping the dog separate from your son are perfectly reasonable requests.

Honestly, if they're not willing to change, are these people really who you want around your children?

In terms of his phobia, if he wants to try not to be scared, there are things that can help which you can google. He may just need to meet some lovely, calm dogs that are trained and don't jump up! Why has your sister not trained her dog anyway? 🙄 Your son may never be a dog person and that's ok, but it's probably worth trying to get him to the stage that he's not frightened, just because he's likely to encounter dogs in life.

The most important thing is to show him is that you'll help him by removing him from the situation he's scared of.

I would give my life for my child too! But I feel like I love my dog the same (albeit in a different way). That’s just how I feel about him.

DS has been bit before and has a small scar

@wheatsheaf8 why are people more valuable then humans?

There's little point in the competition between who loves their dogs and kids most. Some people may love their dog like a child, it's not important here.

Adults, kids and pets are all important and normal people want to find a way to make everyone comfortable, human and animal!

There's easy ways to do that here, but 2 of the adults aren't willing to compromise. That's shorty behaviour, especially when it's impacting a small child, their own grandson and nephew.

There's no reasoning with stupid.

Show him that you are protecting him trying to shove him in front of a dog may make him fear dogs even more. My daughter was terrified of dogs I had to protect her from all the dogs. As she got older she has got better she is now 15 and we own a Collie and she loves him. It takes time and if he doesn't like the dog then don't pressure him.

I would keep her dog away from him and go to see your mum when your sister isn't there with the dog.

*shitty behaviour

I can't actually believe your mother said the dog is as much her grandchild as your kids are! I often seem to be on grandparents side on MN, but that is one of the worst things I've read about a GP saying on MN. Absolutely batshit! I hope your kids didn't hear.
We are a family/extended family of dog lovers/owners, but nobody in the family have ever put the dogs before any of the family children. My brother had a staffie that sounded similar. It was absolutely huge and as much as he just wanted to play with the kids, he was too jumpy and wild for the little ones. So although the kids still saw him and played with him when it was appropriate on walks etc, he was never brought to the grandparents when the little ones were there and the family had gathered to socialise/be distracted even for a minute. It's just basic safety for dog and child. Your mother is bang out of order saying that!

I'm with mum on this one.

Our pets are our life. If you're under this roof, you live by their rules.

You’d never be seeing your grandkids then if we were related 😂

Wow, I would do as suggested, take my child and leave! Your family sound nuts. And the worst possible thing for your childs phobia is having a strong, jumpy dog around him (also being wary of a dog like that is not irrational at all!)

If you know a very calm quiet dog he could spend time with maybe that would help. But I wouldn't have him around your sisters dog at all, it will only keep reinforcing to him that dogs are scary.

This.

How terribly sad to say you love your dog exactly the same as your child. God forbid something happened to your child I'm sure you'd be singing a different tune. I adore the bones of my dog but in no way could I compare that love to the love I have for my child

Your mum and sister sound like something is wrong with them.
I would be refusing to go to anything with dog present, full stop.
Leave them to it.