Do kids trump dogs?

[GloriousCats]

My sister has no children but has a dog (Staffordshire terrier and a pretty solid big version of that) which she dotes on. I have two children (7 and 5 years) the younger of which is completely phobic of dogs and gets very upset and panicky around them. This is especially the case with my sister’s dog as it’s very solidly built, has a habit of jumping up and has knocked him down a couple of times. My parents and my sister refuse to ‘pander’ to my child’s fears and believe the dog has equal rights to run around free etc during family visits. My mother has said for example that the dog is as much her grandchild as my two children and if I can’t get on board with that then I should take the kids and leave. Am I mental or is this properly crazy? To be clear my thoughts are that my sister should either leave her dog at home during family get togethers or shut her in another room for the couple of hours we’re there, to avoid my child screaming, crying and panicking. And yes I am aware this is phobic behaviour from him and I am working on slowly getting him used to being around dogs - but I am also aware putting him in terrifying situations off the bat will just make his phobia grow.

I am letting them live how they want. I've just stated my opinion. This opinion makes no difference to them or how they live.

Any dog owner needs to be mindful and respectful of people of are scared of their animal.

In this case it is effecting a very small boy and a big dog. Your DM and your DS are obviously not going to change what they are doing and they are both behaving unreasonably.

You can definitely work on your DA fear of dog but in the mean time I would take a massive step back from DM and DS. They are being very unfair and causing needless distress to Your DC.

If DS is the favourite I wouldn't bother with them at all. This is not how reasonable people treat family members. I think the 'dog' issue is probably the tip of the iceberg.

I don't think you need to focus on your child's phobia. It will sort itself out eventually.

What you do need to focus on is removing emotional attachments to the ridiculousness of your mother and sister.

Don't visit.

Their loss.

Of course kids should trump dogs. No wonder your DS is scared of dogs if that one hasslready knocked him over (although you should def get him used to dogs in some way as the world and his mother has them atm).
We have a cat but if someone came round scared of cats I’d make sure we sat away from her etc

Ohhh one breed of wolf is slightly more likely to bite you than another breed of wolf.
Shocking.
In other news water is wet.

Awful comment from your mum. Pets will never be equal to a child.🙄

Stop taking the children.

No way would I put my children through that.

I can't understand this at all but I come from a culture where we typically don't have pets. There should be no comparison and I think your mother is a waste of space. I'd be inclined to leave your sister to it and as they get older she can deal with them.

Clearly there's no reasoning with irrational people so you know the answer is to stop going there. Either they come to you (without dog) or you meet somewhere else where dogs aren't allowed. They really don't sound very nice or as if they care about your DS in the slightest. I've got two dogs and would never allow them around someone nervous for the sake of both parties. Or if I did only in a very controlled way. It's also stressful for the dog to have a terrified person around - if they don't know that they probably shouldn't have a dog.

As a person who's dog is a spoilt pup and very much the baby in our childfree home, Your mother and Sister are so far off its unbelievable. children visiting our home are No 1 dog is a pleasant sociable thing and we don't have issues with visitors, but if we did Ddog would certainly be in a different part of our house.

Yeah it's clear she's the favourite.

Your DM is awful to behave this way.

Going forward I would only invite your DM to yours and stop visiting hers.
Alternatively met up somewhere public, but only meet your mother in places where the dog cannot be.

It's not at all normal. I love dogs and would be wary of a staffy to be candid.

Your mother is a moron, with a twisted mind. I adore my Lab, who loves everyone and so wants to be everyone’s friend. We put him in the kitchen behind a gate, with the door open, until he settles when people arrive, because not everyone is a dog person. Two of my grandchildren were initially afraid of dogs , but got used to him because they could interact with him through the gate.

I honestly wouldn’t bring my children into that situation. She doesn’t deserve to see them to be honest.

OP. Your sister is your mother's favourite child. There are downsides to that that probably influenced your sister not having children. She probably clocked that your mother isn't maternal and that to stay your mother's favourite, it's best not to present much uniqueness of character that would piss off such a person.
Animals don't talk back and are UNDER the supervision of humans never to pass their place. A person like your mother loves this order , as do many of the "I prefer animals to kids/ humans" massive. Humans present inconvenient and complex narratives that we all have to adjust to in order be functional, loved, present whilst having some boundaries and grace without embracing extremes.
You and your boy present the complexity of humanity that your mother is not willing to embrace and compromise with, this she embraced the extreme of putting her dogs before you and your son, whilst you long ago acquired a grace that many of us would not be able to on recognising that your sister is your mother's favourite child, without being bitter.
It's time for you NOT to compromise to remain noticed by family that are not prepared to adjust at all to the present needs of a very young relative.
You and your son have been told where you stand. Take note.
I know nobody who would accept their status as below a dog's own in their family as I know nobody who loves dogs who would put dogs above humans , relatives or not.
Misanthropy hidden behind being an animal lover is not cute.
Look at the awful person that the animal lover Brigette Bardot is....she's even a shit parent, too.

Don't worry about your son's fear - it seems to be justified with a huge bloody dog jumping at him!!

And no, I wouldn't let your kids near that dog. Its a powerful dog, bred for certain purposes, none of which are to be around children.

If your mum or sister want to see you, they can come to you sans dog.

Because often people like this use a pet to substitute lack of human affection in their live.
Dogs are loyal and will love them no matter what whereas this is not necessarily the case with humans. It is likely this woman came from an abusive background and doesn't have a lot else other than the dog which is why the poster feels sorry for them.
Saying your dog is your life is saying you have nothing else

I would ditch the mum and the dog and the sister!

Seriously she needs to train her dog not to jump at people, especially children, shocking behaviour!
and yes I would expect them to burn off the dogs energy not around my phobic child at family gatherings so she dog could just sit on a bed and chew a toy or what not, which would then help your child by being in the same room but with a calm dog.

My sister-in-law doesn’t have kids, she wanted them, just never had the right partner and time wasn’t on her side. Her dog is part of her family. I would never say to her my child is more important than her dog- it would be hurtful and spiteful and rub in that something happened for me and not for her.

She will always be invited to family gatherings and whilst me, my husband and our kids come, I feel it would be hurtful to insist that she turns up by herself when our busy family arrive. She has a little family of her own with her dog and is happy- I would never want to imply that hers is “less” or not as important. It is important to her and she is family so her family (whatever it looks like) is important to me.

if you have a family event and you mum wants your sister there it would seem so unkind to state that her unit is less important i think your mum knows this too. If you want to see just grandma fine, but it seems mean to state to your sister that you think your family unit is superior. She probably thinks this but is making the best of her life

This is utter batshittery.

I am the biggest dog lover in the world. I will fight for their rights to be treated kindly and with respect until my dying days. However, my baby is not ever going near any bull type of breed of dog at any point.

In fact DH and I actively move out of any areas where there are such dogs. They are too big and powerful and often too exuberant to be able to overpower if we ever had to.

On a separate note, I would treat getting your son’s phobia sorted as a matter of extreme priority. Dogs are everywhere, they are wonderful creatures, and it will improve both your quality of life and your sons quality of life if he can overcome his fear.

Agreed!

Let your mother enjoy the grandchild she wants - I am sure the dog will visit her when she is old(!)

Some dog people are crazy.

Leave them to it!

As much as your actual daughter?

That is odd

OP simply wants the dog not to jump on her child and her child’s feelings not to be dismissed and said to be irrational.

OP is not trying to stop her sister from coming with her dog, just would like it to be in a different area so her child isn’t jumped on which only continues the fear her child has that her sister’s dog caused in the first place.

Her sister’s situation and your SIL’s is not the same thing. It is basic common sense and manners not to allow one’s dog to jump on people.

It is basic common sense and manners not to allow one’s dog to jump on people.
👏

My sister genuinely didn’t want children - never has done. She has worked hard her entire life to ensure she doesn’t have any. She has a very active life and enjoys her freedom enormously. She actually gets very annoyed that the world assumes she must have wanted children. I really can’t see a parallel here with your sister, though I am sad for your sister’s feelings as that is a hard situation to make peace with if she did want children herself.