Do kids trump dogs?

[GloriousCats]

My sister has no children but has a dog (Staffordshire terrier and a pretty solid big version of that) which she dotes on. I have two children (7 and 5 years) the younger of which is completely phobic of dogs and gets very upset and panicky around them. This is especially the case with my sister’s dog as it’s very solidly built, has a habit of jumping up and has knocked him down a couple of times. My parents and my sister refuse to ‘pander’ to my child’s fears and believe the dog has equal rights to run around free etc during family visits. My mother has said for example that the dog is as much her grandchild as my two children and if I can’t get on board with that then I should take the kids and leave. Am I mental or is this properly crazy? To be clear my thoughts are that my sister should either leave her dog at home during family get togethers or shut her in another room for the couple of hours we’re there, to avoid my child screaming, crying and panicking. And yes I am aware this is phobic behaviour from him and I am working on slowly getting him used to being around dogs - but I am also aware putting him in terrifying situations off the bat will just make his phobia grow.

damnnnn is that you nan!?

Children trump dogs everytime. No exceptions. Your family are so batshit I'd cut all contact if they were mine.

The dog isn't going to be choosing your mother's nursing home

Then here's hoping your pets will look after you in your old age.

Not only baffling that someone would believe a dog to be equal to their own grandchildren - but how insulting to the children! They’re no better than a dog?? Really??

Two separate but related issues.

I like dogs but they annoy me when they relentlessly jump up and I can absolutely empathise that it's scary for a child. The Dob needs to be better trained around people.

And also:

It's better for your DC if they can learn to be around dogs given they're everywhere these days. Most dogs are harmless but it's a common worry that needs gentle tackling - on your own terms.

I'd simply stay away if dog they're not prepared to compromise somewhat

If my mum said a dog was as much her grandchild as my actual human child and then proceeded to tell me that my child needed to leave if he was too scared to be around the dog then I'd cut her out of my life.

Why do you still want a relationship with this woman? Having a relationship with someone who sees your kids as less than a dog could be damaging for them. She sounds awful.

No guarantee your kids will!

No it would be my DD every time! I would die for her but not for him. But I love him that much & he’s that important in our lives, I feel I love him the same amount.

How can a frightened child not be a priority here? Your family are nuts. When people who are afraid of dogs or can't have a dog jump up them for another reason (eg elderly people), or they have a baby or small child or even a child that isn't used to dogs, I shut my dogs away without a second thought before they arrive without having to be asked. People are more important, and my dogs don't mind sitting in another room for a bit.

All things aside that's a bit of a weird comment

Children trump dogs.
Every time.
Your family are bizarre to say the least.

In that case I apologise for misunderstanding and overreacting to your first post 🙂

I love dogs, and have no kids.

Your mother is batshit. YANBU.

I was joking ffs

I find it really weird the amount of people who expect others to qualify their love for animals by asking them who they would save first in an emergency / give their life for first so that others can find them socially acceptable. It's completely weird as the likelihood is no one is ever going to be in that position.

It’s ok😊

My mum is like this with her dogs. As a result she has no relationship with my children.

They see her in passing at family events but don't really know her. She is jealous of the close relationship they have with DH's parent's but as she won't control her dogs at her house nor visit ours without bringing them, and they are large, dangerous and not really house-trained she made her choices - she has had various dogs over the years, all the same.

Don't expose your kids to people who don't value them.

As for your son's fear of dogs, do you know anyone with well trained and cared for dogs he could spend time with? Gentle exposure where both parties get to have space to choose their interaction is probably best.

Mum used to call us hypercritical because DH's parent's also had a dog. But the difference was night and day. They didn't treat him like a 'furbaby/child', he was a properly trained and behaved dog. Well cared for and loved. But a dog. Who when the children were little was kept separate for everyone's safety and closely supervised as they got older. The kids loved him.

If your pets are your life I feel quite sorry for you. I've loved the pets I've had but that's what they were, just pets. Guests to my home were made to feel comfortable and if they didn't like my v large dog he was put in another room, same with my cat. Because they were animals.

I have a dog and a child - dog comes second to child. Some people seem to lose their minds and forget animals are animals. It's mean on both the dog and your child not to address the issues and act as if nothing's happening. Dog shouldn't be knocking him or anyone over.

Same here

@usernother again why do you look down on people who say pets are their life? It's not something I would necessarily say but I just think it's so rude and condescending to say you feel sorry for someone who would say it how on earth does them saying it infer they have a lesser life deserving of pity?!?

I’m sure you don’t need to feel sorry for her/him. Their opinions are just as valid as yours. If you want to lock your dog away to accommodate visitors, great. If they don’t, also great.

I honestly think that people who say they love their dog and child equally, have never known serious harm come to their children (and lack imagination).

this is quite far fetched. So my child has to come to serious harm for me to ‘realise’ how much less I love my dog?🤣