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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do kids trump dogs?

207 replies

GloriousCats · 19/10/2023 19:00

My sister has no children but has a dog (Staffordshire terrier and a pretty solid big version of that) which she dotes on. I have two children (7 and 5 years) the younger of which is completely phobic of dogs and gets very upset and panicky around them. This is especially the case with my sister’s dog as it’s very solidly built, has a habit of jumping up and has knocked him down a couple of times. My parents and my sister refuse to ‘pander’ to my child’s fears and believe the dog has equal rights to run around free etc during family visits. My mother has said for example that the dog is as much her grandchild as my two children and if I can’t get on board with that then I should take the kids and leave. Am I mental or is this properly crazy? To be clear my thoughts are that my sister should either leave her dog at home during family get togethers or shut her in another room for the couple of hours we’re there, to avoid my child screaming, crying and panicking. And yes I am aware this is phobic behaviour from him and I am working on slowly getting him used to being around dogs - but I am also aware putting him in terrifying situations off the bat will just make his phobia grow.

OP posts:
sprigatito · 19/10/2023 19:24

If my mother said that to me, I would...take the kids and leave. The whole lot them sound utterly revolting, including the bad-mannered mutt.

JamieFrasersBitOnTheSide · 19/10/2023 19:25

How long has this been going on OP? Is it a new dog?

jannier · 19/10/2023 19:26

Your sister needs to train her dog. Your mother is nuts nobody forces a child to deal with a fear in this way.

Original poster
GloriousCats · 19/10/2023 19:26

JamieFrasersBitOnTheSide · 19/10/2023 19:25

How long has this been going on OP? Is it a new dog?

My son is only 5 and this phobia turned up around 2 years ago - around the time this dog appeared

OP posts:
Darkandstormynite · 19/10/2023 19:27

How would they react if you refused to go over when the dog was there?

PecanPeach · 19/10/2023 19:28

I wouldn't be letting my children near the dog and would just do meet ups when the dog isn't there.

Notmetoo · 19/10/2023 19:29

Well if your mum really believes the dogs are just as important as her actual real grandchildren I would be loathe to visit her

wheatsheaf8 · 19/10/2023 19:30

Children are human beings, with human rights. They should be given dignity and respect.

Dogs are animals. They'll never be anything more than an animal. I love animals, but I believe that children are inherently more important and valuable than animals.

lochmaree · 19/10/2023 19:30

One of our DC is worried by strange dogs and my SIL insists her dog is a child and should be treated as one (she also has a DC). Dog also badly behaved and jumps up. luckily we rarely see her. As for the phobia/worry, we try to only interact with dogs that are calm and won't jump or bark, but that is tricky when many owners just let their dog approach DC and jump up, even jump up onto the buggy. I'm honestly not surprised he's worried by dogs. What really helps is that his childminder has 2 very well trained dogs. (I know mixed opinions on this but she has good procedures in place) he is allowed to throw a ball for them and interact with them etc, if it wasn't for her and her dogs I think it would be a full blown phobia and I really want to avoid that. (also interesting is that she treats her dogs fully as dogs, not children)

JamieFrasersBitOnTheSide · 19/10/2023 19:30

GloriousCats · 19/10/2023 19:26

My son is only 5 and this phobia turned up around 2 years ago - around the time this dog appeared

Show quote history

I wouldn’t go near if the dog was there tbh. I have dogs and if one of my DGC was terrified of them then I’d pop them in a different room. No dog should be jumping and no wonder he’s terrified if that’s what it does.

Janiie · 19/10/2023 19:30

This is awful op, we have a dog and there's no way we'd take it with is to family get togethers, particularly if there was a scared small child around.

I'd just back off going tbh. Work on your dc's fear in a way that suits you and give your awful selfish family a wide berth for now.

MumUndone · 19/10/2023 19:31

As a dog lover, your DM should be encouraging your DS to properly train her dog so it doesn't jump up at people.

Lizzieregina · 19/10/2023 19:31

@GloriousCats if you know anyone with an old dog, it might be a good choice to expose your son. I think little kids don’t like that younger dogs can be so jumpy. It’s scary for them. I’m not at all advocating that you force any kind of contact, but maybe being a civilized distance away and letting your son see that some dogs are ok. And then gradually taking opportunities to get closer over time if he does ok.

Mind you, I was at the park with my little friend one day and he came crashing into me shrieking because someone had come in the playground with a Yorkshire terrier puppy! It couldn’t have been 2lbs, but it was a dog!

TheMixedGirl · 19/10/2023 19:31

I think maybe your family are irritated by your child's phobia. Is your child anxious in general?
Does your sister live with your mum?
Honestly I think you need to compromise and all come to an agreement that everyone is OK with.

Janiie · 19/10/2023 19:32

And so very weird that your mother refers to a dog as a grandchild Confused.

Dontworkmondays · 19/10/2023 19:33

Absolutely unacceptable! I would take your mum up on that offer and gather your kids and leave.
Dogs are just pets, they are not offspring. I also would not class it as a phobia as it is a completely justified fear for a large dog that knocks him over.
I'm so cross for you

Poppysmom22 · 19/10/2023 19:34

Buy your mum a baby gate you can proximity train your child while everyone stays safe. Your child will feel more confident about the dog being there if he can see it's under control.

yogasaurus · 19/10/2023 19:35

A dog isn’t a grandchild, they’re batshit.

Mamma2017 · 19/10/2023 19:35

“My mother has said for example that the dog is as much her grandchild as my two children and if I can’t get on board with that then I should take the kids and leave”

Your DM is awful sorry. And making you aware your sister is the favourite- also awful.

Sorry but it’s not exactly an irrational fear your child has re dogs either is it.

Im sorry your ‘D’ M is this way OP 💐

ASCCM · 19/10/2023 19:35

It’s a dog ffs. Not a human. People have literally lost their minds over dogs lately ( there have been some amazing threads where people insist their dogs are more important than humans!)

I think it’s important that kids try and overcome phobias but they should always be more important than dogs!!

Poppysmom22 · 19/10/2023 19:36

We have a little one in our family who is phobic and we have found that after we used the gate for a while he was confident they weren't going to rush towards him he is happy to approach the gate and give them things

Robinbuildsbears · 19/10/2023 19:37

It's nice to hear that the vast majority of people believe that children are objectively more important than dogs. My mum is very similar to yours, when I was younger the emergency fire plan was to get the dogs out of the house before the children.

Hereforlaugh · 19/10/2023 19:37

Absolutely ridiculous and both your M and S are mental comparing kids to Dogs. I am not sure I would tolerate this behaviour and will be willing to take my DC to see them as they don't seem to give a fuck.

sleepyscientist · 19/10/2023 19:38

We are the dog is part of the family and is an equal. But I still don't agree with your mums approach to tackling the fear.

I would start with bribery so hey you want that toy? What about you take buster for a walk, or you want some sweets give buster a pet 1st. The don't be stupid tactic doesn't work until they are old enough to be embarrassed.

When you go over let the dog have freedom of the house bar a safe space for DC such as upstairs or a old playpen that he can escape to and come back when he's calmed down. As a dog lover if I even fake cry the dogs will come running and look to kiss us to try and comfort us so making a drama will be drawing the dog to him.

DS had a fear of heights so we booked a high ropes course with a very desired reward he was after at the end he did it and now goes on the high ropes for fun.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 19/10/2023 19:40

No it's not normal. They see your children as no more important than a dog! People who equated my kids with dogs would not be getting to see my kids.