Do kids trump dogs?

[GloriousCats]

My sister has no children but has a dog (Staffordshire terrier and a pretty solid big version of that) which she dotes on. I have two children (7 and 5 years) the younger of which is completely phobic of dogs and gets very upset and panicky around them. This is especially the case with my sister’s dog as it’s very solidly built, has a habit of jumping up and has knocked him down a couple of times. My parents and my sister refuse to ‘pander’ to my child’s fears and believe the dog has equal rights to run around free etc during family visits. My mother has said for example that the dog is as much her grandchild as my two children and if I can’t get on board with that then I should take the kids and leave. Am I mental or is this properly crazy? To be clear my thoughts are that my sister should either leave her dog at home during family get togethers or shut her in another room for the couple of hours we’re there, to avoid my child screaming, crying and panicking. And yes I am aware this is phobic behaviour from him and I am working on slowly getting him used to being around dogs - but I am also aware putting him in terrifying situations off the bat will just make his phobia grow.

You prioritise your children - unsurprisingly.

Your sister prioritises her dog - unsurprisingly.

Both of you have made equally valid choices about fertility and lifestyle.

Your mother treats both her children equally and extends that to their entire household - understandable, as MN tends to believe in treating adult DC equally.

No one has actually done anything wrong here, but the cause of the disagreements is your son's fears; without that it seems you'd all be quite harmonious. A fear of dogs can be quite debilitating throughout life, so I would be putting a lot of effort into resolving this fear, for his sake and for the sake of family relations.

I totally disagree. People who cannot put the welfare of my child over the presence of an animal, do not deserve to be around my child.

So if people don't think like you they lack imagination? But you dismiss their point of view? So that would suggest you lack empathy and imagination too?

Is your mum scared of anything, spiders etc? Get a pet tarantula and expect everyone to pet it and don't lock it up? I love dogs but people lose their heads if it's something cute you are scared of but it's okay to be petrified of snakes or spiders.
I agree to tackling phobias ( my 5yo ds has inexplicably become petrified of flies which is a pain, thank goodness winter is coming) but it has to be done in the right way with the right dog. I wonder if a local dog obedience class or trainer would help or contact pat dog and see if they can put you in contact with someone local. All those dogs would be calm and very well controlled and I am sure someone would love to help your son over his phobia. Your sisters dog does not sound like the remedy!
Lastly what would your mum do if your son was allergic, would she never see him?

Go to any nursing home and you'll find several parents with adult children who rarely visit, let alone look after them.

That’s literally the opposite of what I said 🤦‍♀️

😂 I don’t care about anyone thinking like me. This is about animal rights being placed higher than human rights (rights, wishes, comfort, whatever you prefer). It really doesn’t matter what your point of view is. Humans DO trump animals (in terms of safety etc. I’m not saying a human’s wish to harm an animal comes first; I’m saying an animal’s wish to harm a human does NOT come first). People who want to upend the natural order that puts humans at the top of the food chain are literally fighting the laws of nature. Good luck with that.

This doesn’t make sense tbh. If you love them the same amount, how can you so easily choose one over the other?

Your mother said WHAT? I wouldn't let my kids around either of them after that. In fact I wouldn't want anything to do with them myself. How utterly disrespectful. Sorry OP.

@Raincloudsonasunnyday literally proved my point - how can you say someone else lacks imagination and then post the equivalent of "im right and everyone else who thinks differently is wrong" 😂

There is also a power imbalance in your family and your Mum is keeping you all in your roles.
Mum is hosting the get together in her home and both you and your sister are accepting her invitation, but also her rules.
As an adult woman and as parent, you need to take your own power. Refuse invites to her home, tell her that your DC is your priority.
Host whatever get together you want to to in your home and enforce a no dog rule.

Your child does not have a phobia. He has a perfectly reasonable and valid response to a predatory animal. Especially as it's already hurt him. Check the statistics. Bully breeds are number one for serious bites.

Sorry you're being treated like this. I'd go very low contact. Or no contact, really.

Yes I was going to say the same. He's not phobic, just a very small child frightened by a large dog, which no one seems fussed to control properly.

Stop visiting until they get the message. It may be a long time.

Your sister can leave the dog at home but why is your child scared of dogs? Have your projected your irrational fear onto them?

Labs are actually

Tbh your mum doesn't care about your kids or to see them. You think she is jealous why I don't know.
Someone who cared wouldnt choose an animal over their own grandchildren.

I have two children (7 and 5 years) the younger of which is completely phobic of dogs and gets very upset and panicky around them. This is especially the case with my sister’s dog as it’s very solidly built, has a habit of jumping up and has knocked him down a couple of times. My parents and my sister refuse to ‘pander’ to my child’s fears and believe the dog has equal rights to run around free etc during family visits.

This is literally in the first post. The child is 5 and has been jumped on and knocked down by this hence being scared which is a normal reaction for a child that age. Also, nowhere does OP say she has an irrational fear of dogs.

When I had a dog (a chihuahua, so a less "scary" breed) I used to shut her away in my bedroom when my DC's dog phobic friend came over. Ddog didn't mind, I put her food and water up there and she got to loaf around on my bed.

My mother has said for example that the dog is as much her grandchild as my two children and if I can’t get on board with that then I should take the kids and leave

Good lord - I just wouldn't visits her tbh.

Your family are batshit.

Selfish reason to have kids...

I don't look down on them. I feel sorry for them. They aren't the same thing.

@usernother why do you feel sorry for people who have different opinions to you? No one view is superior just let people live their lives the way they want to

My in-laws quite obviously chose my BILs massive dog over my children.

As a result they don’t see them very much anymore. It’s their loss.

DM is totally unreasonable. One of my DC has a dog which I love to bits but it is not my Grandchild it is a dog 😂