Do kids trump dogs?

[GloriousCats]

My sister has no children but has a dog (Staffordshire terrier and a pretty solid big version of that) which she dotes on. I have two children (7 and 5 years) the younger of which is completely phobic of dogs and gets very upset and panicky around them. This is especially the case with my sister’s dog as it’s very solidly built, has a habit of jumping up and has knocked him down a couple of times. My parents and my sister refuse to ‘pander’ to my child’s fears and believe the dog has equal rights to run around free etc during family visits. My mother has said for example that the dog is as much her grandchild as my two children and if I can’t get on board with that then I should take the kids and leave. Am I mental or is this properly crazy? To be clear my thoughts are that my sister should either leave her dog at home during family get togethers or shut her in another room for the couple of hours we’re there, to avoid my child screaming, crying and panicking. And yes I am aware this is phobic behaviour from him and I am working on slowly getting him used to being around dogs - but I am also aware putting him in terrifying situations off the bat will just make his phobia grow.

Gosh! I have a dog. There’s not a chance on this earth would I allow her to jump on anyone - especially my grandchildren!

Pet owners can love their pets. Most are not batshit!

I wouldn’t be taking my dc there when the dog is around if I were you OP. It only takes a split second…

Says a woman who has no visitors, ever.

@C1N1C do you let your pets knock kids over like skittles too?

If your child is scared of dogs DO NOT start walking a dog you do not know. That would be incredibly stupid.

TBH in my experience the people who have dogs walkers don’t tend to have very well trained or exercised dogs - if they can’t be arsed to walk their dog they can’t usually be arsed to train them. The last thing you should do is subject your child to that.

Even if by some miracle you don’t end up walking someone’s unloved cockerpoo you still won’t have solved the underlying issue which is that your sisters dog has scared your child.

Dog-lover and parent here. Sounds totally mad to me, but reasonable in that it is their house and, as such, their right to prioritise their guests as they see fit. The (difficult) question for you is what you do with that information.

I think it's very common for dog owners to minimise children's fear of dogs - I remember my parents telling my toddlers 'she just wants to play' etc, when their huge teenage dog bounded up to my kids whenever they moved. They were terrified to leave the sofa. But saying 'the dog is also a grandchild' is a whole level beyond that type of thoughtlessness, and makes it pretty clear where her priorities are - it's just hard for you to accept that that's the case.

Our dog died recently. She was a member of the family; we all loved her very much and miss her terribly. But her role in the family was 'the dog', not one of the children.

If we were family I know where my foot is going 😈

I don't agree with them. And I dislike badly behaved dogs (or children, to be fair). But if you are in their home then it's their rules. You have the option of not visiting them. And that is exactly what I would do... not visit.

But as a dog owner (of a very well behaved dog) helping your son to get past his phobia (which won't be helped by a badly behaved dog) it might be worth having a look at the Dogs Trust - in some areas they run free courses on how to act around dogs and how to get over a fear of dogs. Or they might know of places local to you that would help. My assistance dog is part of a programme that goes into local schools, for example, to help children learn how to act around dogs, and there may be similar schemes near you.

Even if someone never gets to like dogs, knowing how to act around them is really important. I volunteered after seeing an incident in a local park where two girls who were afraid of dogs reacted entirely incorrectly in an encounter with two (admittedly very badly behaved) dogs and their idiot owner. The dogs were running around near the girls barking and the girls reaction was to start screaming and running. Which caused the dogs to start running after them and barking... cue more screaming and running... and repeat... I intervened when the owner did nothing but say how freindly the dogs were! It was fortunate that these dogs were little rug rats. Had they been bigger dogs they could have bitten.