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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend's non stop 11+ brag

222 replies

Moonsago · 19/10/2023 15:36

I have a friend and she is ok most of the time. Her son is a super bright child and everyone knows it. I am fine and I like the child.
So the 11+ results of her son are out ( I am waiting for my daughter's and she is average flower but she tried her best and I am fine with whatever it turn up). Now my friend calls me 3 time a day and says 'called just to chat' ( mind you she hasnt called me once to chat in last 7-8 months when they had 3 tutors training the kid).

Everytime... its goes from 'So I am so confused that all the grammars in the country that we attempted want my son badly and I dont know whom to choose... he is just a boy'... then ' I will send you all the emails that I got from schools begging to put my son in theirs'...

This has been going on since last week... I am tired. I am happy for proud parents for all the effort kids put and I am one of them. But these calls are too much to handle. I never called anyone like this ( when my son got into a grammar)nor did any other friends of mine who all got their kids into grammar or any one else too for that matter!

How do I escape this lady?

OP posts:
CantFindTheBeat · 19/10/2023 15:37

Oh god, how tiresome.

Just say "gosh, what a choice, not sure how you will decide. Good luck!!'

And don't respond for weeks?

Marlena1 · 19/10/2023 15:38

Honestly, if you're not really good friends and she doesn't massively enhance your life I would ditch her, just don't answer the calls. You're too busy deciding on where to send your child to med school.

JustAMinutePleass · 19/10/2023 15:39

Tell her you’re sending your daughter to Marlborough?

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 19/10/2023 15:40

Don’t answer the phone?

Littlemissprosecco · 19/10/2023 15:40

Don’t answer your phone!

CarrickBends · 19/10/2023 15:40

don't answer her calls

listsandbudgets · 19/10/2023 15:42

I'm confused. does she mean independent schools (some of which confusingly call themselves grammar schools) offering scholarships or the actual state grammars writing to her demanding the presence of her child ?

The former is likely. The latter is extremely unlikely - in our area at least they just sit and wait for the applications via the LEA and what's more the grammars know they have a pecking order and that's reflected in the scores you need to get in.

Honestly I'd just say something like "how lovely to have the choice I'm sure he'll do very well wherever he goes. Maybe ask to visit them all and see what you think. "

don't even hint at her sending you the emails

Alargeoneplease89 · 19/10/2023 15:43

They had 3 tutors training a super bright kid? Just say she must be relieved she hasn't got to spend a fortune on tutors anymore.

3dogsandarabbit · 19/10/2023 15:44

Why are you answering calls from this woman 3 times a day, if she is annoying you just don't answer the phone!

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 19/10/2023 15:46

Tell her that your daughter has been accepted to Hogwarts

Stephisaur · 19/10/2023 15:47

She doesn't really sound like a good friend from what you've posted.

If she is no longer of value in your life then I would just tell her to piss off and brag to someone who cares next time she calls!

listsandbudgets · 19/10/2023 15:48

Alargeoneplease89 · 19/10/2023 15:43

They had 3 tutors training a super bright kid? Just say she must be relieved she hasn't got to spend a fortune on tutors anymore.

That crossed my mind too except she might well need to keep those tutors.

Both of ours passed 11+ but with scores a bit low to get into the grammar we wanted and the ones they would have got were quite some distance so we went with local comp.

Neither had tutors.... because we know lots of children who were tutored and either had to carry on with tutors all through high school to keep up or just went into free fall when faced with the properly bright kids who passed on their own merits

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 19/10/2023 15:49

It’s plain weird to send you the acceptance emails when you aren’t a relative, tutor or remotely involved in his education! Is she massively anxious and overthinking every decision she makes, or something?

I’d say, “I think that needs to be a decision for you and your family - you know what will suit your son better than I do and I’ve given you my thoughts already.” Then just stop engaging with the 11+ stuff because it’s now tediously repetitive. If anything, her son should be deciding which of the schools he think he’ll be happiest at, given she presumably liked them all enough to begin with.

StoneWashJeansWithAMatchingJacket · 19/10/2023 15:50

How do I escape this lady?

The block button. Seriously, what does this boring bastard bring to your life?

User0000009 · 19/10/2023 15:50

Save us from bragger mums. Had one in our office. The kid was Simply the Best AT EVERYTHING.

Original poster
Moonsago · 19/10/2023 15:51

You guys are superb... probably I wilL block until she calms down ( could be 1-2yrs from now). Some people can write a book on how to lose people who give them time.

I have spoken good and given her goos wishes.
When I give her good luck, its not finished, she called me saying she went to the schools open days and she is so disappointed with some and only few fit her son actually etc. Honestly, I was expecting it as she never left one chance in the past to glorify the kids acheivements.

He IS a bright child but still got tutors, its fine and I wish him all the best. But the mum seems to be disappointed that her son isnt 18 yet so that he can replace Elon Musk. I dont undersynd why I am such big part of her sons grammar decission 🤷🏻‍♀️.

OP posts:
User0000009 · 19/10/2023 15:51

If the kid had failed you wouldn’t be hearing from her. Obvs hot housed him to pass. Doubt he will keep up at grammar.

JustAMinutePleass · 19/10/2023 15:53

listsandbudgets · 19/10/2023 15:48

That crossed my mind too except she might well need to keep those tutors.

Both of ours passed 11+ but with scores a bit low to get into the grammar we wanted and the ones they would have got were quite some distance so we went with local comp.

Neither had tutors.... because we know lots of children who were tutored and either had to carry on with tutors all through high school to keep up or just went into free fall when faced with the properly bright kids who passed on their own merits

Show quote history

properly bright kids who passed on their own merits only enter Grammars after GCSE, not for 11+

Original poster
Moonsago · 19/10/2023 15:53

*not goos wishes... I meant good

OP posts:
User0000009 · 19/10/2023 15:55

I think you find parents like her are uneducated themselves so the kid getting into grammar is the pinnacle of all achievements. Our boaster’s kid struggled at the grammar and wasn’t wanted in the six form. Shame eh

Friedtofuandbeans · 19/10/2023 15:59

That’s nonsense - loads of bright kids pass at 11?! I don’t know what you mean here.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 19/10/2023 16:03

Just my experience but parents who brag about their children's results are usually people who never excelled to the same level themselves (whether it's academically, sporting, artist etc). People who did well know it's possible and don't view it as such a big success.

I bet if you asked her how she did in school she would shut up pretty quickly.

LakeTiticaca · 19/10/2023 16:04

How achingly boring 😴
I would just not answer the phone 😉

MrsMoastyToasty · 19/10/2023 16:04

Tell her you're moving to an area where they don't have the 11+ (we're in one of those areas that doesn't have it) so it's immaterial.

Original poster
Moonsago · 19/10/2023 16:18

She dosnt have a family ( has a dad that has been cut off). So I have a soft spot because she dosnt have a family for herself except the husband and kids.

As much as I give her some weight, she seems to not care, I only come into picture when she is not entertained by anyone for this very reason of bragging. Also, we have an outstanding comp that my daughter would go if she dosnt get grammar but says to me its a bad school because she sees the kids behave bad. I mean knowing that my daughter would end up there, there is no consideration.
Anyway... that was that... blocked her. Seems like she dosnt need( or value) people like me. So be it.

OP posts: