Friend's non stop 11+ brag

[Moonsago]

I have a friend and she is ok most of the time. Her son is a super bright child and everyone knows it. I am fine and I like the child.
So the 11+ results of her son are out ( I am waiting for my daughter's and she is average flower but she tried her best and I am fine with whatever it turn up). Now my friend calls me 3 time a day and says 'called just to chat' ( mind you she hasnt called me once to chat in last 7-8 months when they had 3 tutors training the kid).

Everytime... its goes from 'So I am so confused that all the grammars in the country that we attempted want my son badly and I dont know whom to choose... he is just a boy'... then ' I will send you all the emails that I got from schools begging to put my son in theirs'...

This has been going on since last week... I am tired. I am happy for proud parents for all the effort kids put and I am one of them. But these calls are too much to handle. I never called anyone like this ( when my son got into a grammar)nor did any other friends of mine who all got their kids into grammar or any one else too for that matter!

How do I escape this lady?

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER it's certainly possible to have three grammars to choose from.

We live in a wholly selective county, there are only grammars and secondaries. In our town there are three grammars, but only two open to everyone who passes - one single sex for boy and one for girls, and then a mixed sex grammar.

OP there is no way that grammars are asking for her child to attend. In our town you just need to get above 121 and you are qualified for grammar. You can get 121 or 180 and you will still be treated the same, there is no weighting for higher scores.

@clarcats Gloucestershire is different to here then, we sadly don't have any comprehensives.

@MyNDfamily ''No one cares, we only care about our own kids.''

Clap this to the skies!
Absolutely true.
My own son wasn't academic in the traditional sense, but found his skill/ gift elsewhere and is self employed.
I used to really worry- but truly, as long as one's child {any age} is happy, that is all that really matters.

We don't in most of England I think there are about 163 Grammar schools c in the whole of the UK most of them were closed down in the 1970,s
In the vast majority of areas its a comprehensive system.

I don't understand anything about the 11+ or grammar school system OP but this woman sounds batshit.

I think after the first couple of times I would have said, "Claire, you know I've said several times now that I'm delighted for you and for James, but I'm not sure why you keep calling me about this? No offence to James but I have more important things going on in my life such as which school my own daughter is going to go to."

When my child did the 11+ where your adjusted score placed you was everything. 700+ children expressed an interest in the 120 places available at the target school. Some of those actually wanted a different school but were using it as 'insurance'.
Lowest child to get in was inside the top 200, so many children would have worked hard, got a creditable result but saw no benefit.
It's a brutal way to treat ten year-olds and while I'm only aware of one child who deliberately failed so that they could attend the local comprehensive with their friends, some of those whose parents stumped up for a private education instead felt they had let the family and siblings down.

The mother of one of DDs friends posted photos of all the offer letters her DD was sent on Facebook, along with comments such as "it's so hard to know how to parent such a child."

I deleted her and haven't looked back.

@overtaxedoverworked aww that really sucks! I've heard about it in other areas, whilst I'm not overawed by the selection process, I am glad that they just accept everyone over 121 here, with no bias towards those who get significantly more.

@OnGoldenPond That is just cringey! Both mine went to grammars (one twenty years ago, one in Y9 now).

I hope I didn't offend my friends, I did post what school DC2 was going to (no social media back in DC1's day), but not bragging, not that they were exceptionally bright. No dilemma about which school to choose, all done privately.

My best friend's DC failed, but is exceptionally focused and studious. She proudly boasts about his achievements, which I like to see, but I'm more likely to moan about DD's teenage angst than her academic prowess.

Geez, is it that difficult to figure out? Just stop answering her calls so often! And delay responding to texts...she will get the picture. But also, she might actually need a friends support....to help decide on a school. If it were me, I would help go over the positives and benefits of the school....if a friend needs someone to help make an important decision, I would be there.....

@triggeringnometry it was the frankly bonkers comments she posted plus the copies of all the letters in full (there were about 6 I recall) that did it for me. Acting as if her DD was the second messiah almost! A simple post about being pleased her DD had got her school of choice would have been just fine and I would have posted congratulations.

Really inappropriate and unfair to her DD who was reportedly mortified.

Glad you've blocked her but I'd have to say something. She sounds so awful!

Acting like that is a sure fire way to lose friends.

We got our son's results this week and he's done so well, we're incredibly proud, as we should be, but I am keeping my head down with other parents and have told him not to talk about it at school and not to tell anyone his score - I just don't want either he or I to add to anyone else's worry or disappointment.

It's such a stressful process, I can't imagine why anyone would want to act like that and make things worse for others.

It’s quite dangerous being a bragger as your teen may well go quite spectacularly off the rails as sadly happened to one I know. It’s tempting fate.

There's no harm in having a bit of tutoring for the 11+, it's not going to make a not bright child pass, but will help a bright child get used to the question format etc. I can't think of many important things in life you wouldn't do a little bit of prep for, no matter how capable you are!

I would say something like
Thank god all this 11 plus stuff is over it bores me to tears. I have decided it us a banned subject in our house. Insert new topic.

If she is a good friend, and not usually a total dick, I’d probably give her what she is so desperately looking for. She wants you to acknowledge her sons amazingness and join in her excitement. So try saying ‘wow, you must be incredibly proud. He’s clearly academically talented. How exciting to have loads of choice? Which is your favourite school at the moment and why?’

@x2boys Well yes. Not cheap. However they were very upwardly mobile parents with flash cars and very decent houses who had spent years lording it over others with a deep belief their Dc would ace everything in life. We kept our powder dry and used state primary. I never said a word to them about DD after she went to a private school. Before she went I had so many coffee invitations my diary burst. All to find out why we didn’t want the grammar. I’ve no doubt DD gave away where she was going but as their DC had all the pressure of the grammars and their parents, I left them to it. DD doesn’t need pressure from anywhere to do well. She’s a self starter and always has been. In fact most parents we met from then on were the same. Far more laid back! Maybe that’s what money brings? Less angst.

@TizerorFizz” In fact most parents we met from then on were the same. Far more laid back! Maybe that’s what money brings? Less angst.”

wow !

@TizerorFizz I cringe at describing someone as 'upwardly mobile' but it could accurately describe someone who hasn't gone to boarding school sending their own DC there. The 'keeping your powder dry' and 'having the last laugh' comments suggest you were very much in competition with other parents. And FWIW the schools you are railing against are actually pretty angst free for naturally academic self-starters who don't need any pressure from home to leave as well rounded individuals with great academic results. The parents don't really get involved much with each other at that stage of education anyway. I wonder how you can be so confident about what it might be like in one of those schools without first hand experience of sending your DC there. Money doesn't always bring less angst and it clearly doesn't always bring graciousness.

Wow! How judgemental! It was meant to be somewhat tongue in cheek! I don’t seek anyone out to make decisions or tell them anything they didn’t ask about after 10 years! Fortunately I don’t need anyone to affirm my decisions or views. Certainly not on MN! But I do know who was competitive where I live and it wasn’t me.

However they were very upwardly mobile parents with flash cars and very decent houses who had spent years lording it over others with a deep belief their Dc would ace everything in life.

THEY were judgemental?😂

@TizerorFizz
Stop digging!

I went to grammar school, there wasn't lots of pressure, or angst from parents. Even the 11+ thing, you can work yourself up about it but not everyone does, child either passes or doesn't, if they don't then just help them to do as best as they can in best comp nearby.

She sent me the letters, it goes like 'we are pleased to confirm the score...' .. well no one was begging. I think she discovered her sons brightness when he was little ( has asperges adhd) and she is on high ever since. She already knew he would get mega scores , we all knew too. In her high she forgets about the person on the other side,never asks on how their kids have been doing.
Its relentless about her own, like how her son talks about running a succesful bussiness and has bussiness ideas etc.

As a person, she is not bad... just normal and friendly but flaky. Says yes to 10 of the mums for coffee and apologises last minute to 9 of them. She was more social before 3 yrs but since last 3yrs shes been in the 11+ cocoon onsessing about the greatness of the scores, waiting for the wings ....and boy she has come out with eye-dazzling ones 🙈. I wish her and her son all the best. Honest wishes.

Some people here described their experiences with similar friends and I can totally relate.

So probably shouldn’t have told all my colleagues I’ve just dropped my joy at Imperial then 😆