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Original poster

Friend's non stop 11+ brag

222 replies

Moonsago · 19/10/2023 15:36

I have a friend and she is ok most of the time. Her son is a super bright child and everyone knows it. I am fine and I like the child.
So the 11+ results of her son are out ( I am waiting for my daughter's and she is average flower but she tried her best and I am fine with whatever it turn up). Now my friend calls me 3 time a day and says 'called just to chat' ( mind you she hasnt called me once to chat in last 7-8 months when they had 3 tutors training the kid).

Everytime... its goes from 'So I am so confused that all the grammars in the country that we attempted want my son badly and I dont know whom to choose... he is just a boy'... then ' I will send you all the emails that I got from schools begging to put my son in theirs'...

This has been going on since last week... I am tired. I am happy for proud parents for all the effort kids put and I am one of them. But these calls are too much to handle. I never called anyone like this ( when my son got into a grammar)nor did any other friends of mine who all got their kids into grammar or any one else too for that matter!

How do I escape this lady?

OP posts:
Littlemissprosecco · 19/10/2023 16:25

Good decision, she doesn’t sound like a real friend to you anyway

TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/10/2023 16:31

JustAMinutePleass · 19/10/2023 15:53

properly bright kids who passed on their own merits only enter Grammars after GCSE, not for 11+

Show quote history

What do you mean?

Genuine question - I am just beginning to think about second level and I'm not from the UK.

PandaChopChop · 19/10/2023 16:44

I think the 11+ is insane. We're in one of the few areas where children do it automatically unless you opt out.
The level of STRESS I have heard from other parents- tutors, hand wringing at whether their kids will pass and the upset when they haven't is surely madness. If your kid is bright enough to pass the 11+ great. That's not a pre cursor to how they will actually manage in a reasonably high pressured environment- and most of those kids who have been tutored to pass the exam might struggle.

My daughter "failed" (she got 96) and is going to the local high school which is perfectly fine.

Just block her OP 🤣

PlanningTowns · 19/10/2023 17:54

You’ve done the right thing! But I do love the Hogwarts response- I bet she wouldn’t even notice.

to be honest I’d probably be rather frank with her and put in the context of the lack of engagement for the last 7-8 months, but then I’ve lost my filter recently!

Prescottdanni123 · 19/10/2023 18:28

I work in a grammar school. I highly doubt they are sending her letters begging to send her son there. He won't be the only genius sitting the test, and sometimes 10/11 year olds can enter the school as complete brainboxes and then spectacularly fail their GCSEs in year 11. All the school will do is take the certain number of kids who got the best results in the test and offer them a place.

Mariposista · 20/10/2023 07:01

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 19/10/2023 15:46

Tell her that your daughter has been accepted to Hogwarts

Definitely this. And teach her LANGLOCK (tongue tying curse haha)

Pipsquiggle · 20/10/2023 07:13

Hi OP she'll probably calm down on the 1st Nov when you have to submit school preferences on the 31st Oct.

When my DC passed the 11+ I was really conscious of other families and how their DC had done. I mainly talked to my family or friends who didn't live in a grammar area.

Seeing that she doesn't have family, I guess she sees you as her outlet.

FancyFanny · 20/10/2023 07:38

I have a so-called friend like this! Drop her now because it will only get worse- once he's in his chosen school she'll start with the GCSE predicted grades bragging, then the A-levels, then the application to Oxbridge!

Funnily enough, I haven't heard half as much from my mine now their child is in the Oxford reject pile!

giggly · 20/10/2023 07:40

Escape her by moving to Scotland, we don’t have all that crap you have surrounding schools in England.

the7Vabo · 20/10/2023 07:41

I did very well at school. Fast forward and I’m failing massively at life to put it bluntly. People who were less successful than me on paper have done much better than me.

School results are not something to be smug about.

Tbh you seem like you’re being a bit too soft on her. You need to literally say something like “I really don’t have any more to add..” The dynamic is almost as it you’re her mother & her child’s grandmother so you are therefore invested in the outcome - you’re not and you don’t want the gig which is fair enough.

Passepartoute · 20/10/2023 08:26

I'd be tempted to say something like "You must be so relieved after spending that much money on tutors to get him up to standard".

Zanatdy · 20/10/2023 08:29

Just be brief and say good luck. My son didn’t get into the very over subscribed grammars in my area, but he got 9x9’s (few 8’s) and 3 A* at A level. They aren’t the be all and end all. Friends son the same age did get in, hated it and came to my son’s school for 6th form

Zanatdy · 20/10/2023 08:31

the7Vabo · 20/10/2023 07:41

I did very well at school. Fast forward and I’m failing massively at life to put it bluntly. People who were less successful than me on paper have done much better than me.

School results are not something to be smug about.

Tbh you seem like you’re being a bit too soft on her. You need to literally say something like “I really don’t have any more to add..” The dynamic is almost as it you’re her mother & her child’s grandmother so you are therefore invested in the outcome - you’re not and you don’t want the gig which is fair enough.

My brother always excelled at school and got A’s to my B’s and mainly C’s (couple lower). But I’ve done a lot better in life than him and earn more than double his salary, because he’s got no drive. He’s working in a dead end job and can’t be bothered to look for something better. School grades aren’t everything I agree

Pipsquiggle · 20/10/2023 08:41

There are peaks and troughs of intensity at school. Yr 6 has been the most intense year so far for me (my eldest is in yr7 so I am sure there will be more to come).

11+
Secondary school application (just making sure on your preferences and double, triple checking that it's been submitted)
Secondary school allocation day
Sats week
Then all your leavers stuff.

If your friend keeps going on about this kind of stuff, you probably need to step back or away from her. Even I got bored of all the school chat, left WhatsApp groups because it was just dull and some parents were definitely gloating

Newgirls · 20/10/2023 08:44

Hopefully her kid will get into said school and she can find a little gang of like minded parents to compete with

theduchessofspork · 20/10/2023 08:46

Just don’t take the calls?

If she hasn’t called you in 7 months is she an acquaintance more than a friend? If so you have zero obligation to talk to her. If she is a friend just tell her to knock it off

Justoveranhour · 20/10/2023 08:52

JustAMinutePleass · 19/10/2023 15:53

properly bright kids who passed on their own merits only enter Grammars after GCSE, not for 11+

Show quote history

That isn’t true is it?

We aren’t in an 11+ area and my son has SEN anyway so it wouldn’t be a thing for us… but I know a boy who recently got into grammar from outside the county- he missed 1 mark on one part of the tests but got every single other mark available.

He didn’t have a tutor- his mum sat with him to look at the verbal/nonverbal reasoning stuff because it wasn’t taught at his mainstream primary. His mum isn’t a teacher or anything to do with education, or highly educated herself (didn’t go to grammar school or university).

PloddingAlong21 · 20/10/2023 08:54

OP this isn’t about her son. This is about her own insecurities. Something in her life she perceives as lacking or not up to par with others. Something she feels she hasn’t got that others have and she maybe feels a bit insecure about that. This is her way to make herself feel better that those things are missing. It isn’t about her son/school/you. It’s quite sad I think.

I just wouldn’t be so quick to answer/return her calls.

PloddingAlong21 · 20/10/2023 08:57

@JustAMinutePleass youre wrong. Multiple grammars around here and plenty of kids get in just sitting the exam. My nephew did. He didn’t get top scores but a decent pass.

PloddingAlong21 · 20/10/2023 08:59

Also OP it’s really common for the school to write and say they want her child. However it isn’t about him, it’s generic literature. My nephew had all the schools he qualified for say they’d love him there, bla bla bla. It was generic literature to all parents whose kids qualified, not because he individually is amazing.

viques · 20/10/2023 08:59

You could say how you sympathise with her dilemma, oh, and did she read that thing in the paper the other week, you can’t quite remember which school it was, but you are pretty sure it was one of the ones she mentioned, anyway, it was shocking, apparently the school is rife with drugs and ten boys were suspended for dealing, and two were found to be carrying knives, and they were in Year 8, just goes to show even bright kids can have problems. No, you can’t remember which school it was, or where you saw it, only hope it isn’t the one she chooses,( tinkly laugh) speak soon, we should meet up for coffee and compare notes, got to rush. Byeeee.

x2boys · 20/10/2023 08:59

giggly · 20/10/2023 07:40

Escape her by moving to Scotland, we don’t have all that crap you have surrounding schools in England.

Most of England don't have either ,they abolished the Grammar / Secondary modern system for the majority in the 1970, i.think there are only about 163?Grammar schools in the whole of the UK.

Myhusbandearns150k · 20/10/2023 09:03

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 19/10/2023 15:46

Tell her that your daughter has been accepted to Hogwarts

Yes!!!

Coachvikki · 20/10/2023 09:13

Oh god, her poor child. Most children who excel at an early age level off as they enter university, I hope she does put so much pressure on that they have a hard time.

NotTheMrMenAgain · 20/10/2023 09:13

Love the Hogwarts suggestion😂

She sounds tiresome and like she’s invested her entire being into her DS passing the 11+. Stop engaging with her, don’t give her oxygen to fan the flames of her current obsession, she’s only after attention.

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