Friend's non stop 11+ brag

[Moonsago]

I have a friend and she is ok most of the time. Her son is a super bright child and everyone knows it. I am fine and I like the child.
So the 11+ results of her son are out ( I am waiting for my daughter's and she is average flower but she tried her best and I am fine with whatever it turn up). Now my friend calls me 3 time a day and says 'called just to chat' ( mind you she hasnt called me once to chat in last 7-8 months when they had 3 tutors training the kid).

Everytime... its goes from 'So I am so confused that all the grammars in the country that we attempted want my son badly and I dont know whom to choose... he is just a boy'... then ' I will send you all the emails that I got from schools begging to put my son in theirs'...

This has been going on since last week... I am tired. I am happy for proud parents for all the effort kids put and I am one of them. But these calls are too much to handle. I never called anyone like this ( when my son got into a grammar)nor did any other friends of mine who all got their kids into grammar or any one else too for that matter!

How do I escape this lady?

Oh god how cringeworthy. Only granny is interested.

Anecdotally only parents who are quite thick themselves boast to other parents about their child’s academic success.

I’m in a friends group chat and one mum has a “wild child” daughter who had been a worry over the years but basically pulled her finger out worked like a demon and got all 9s in her GCSEs. Her mum didn’t even mention it in the group chat. I did though!

I know someone like that. The only way is to pretend you know nothing and don't engage in the conversation.

They need to keep that chat to the 11+ fan forum groups where people keep asking ‘does anyone know if a score of 787 will get in?’, knowing full well the pass mark is 150.

@Moonsago
That is when you take advantage of caller id and do not answer the call. After a few non returned calls , she will get the message.

I'm in Gloucestershire and we have grammar schools and comprehensive schools. The Grammar schools all have 6th forms and not all of the comprehensives do. We also have a post 16 college in the area and a couple of other options including Hartpury College which is more specialist in sport/animals but does offer traditional A level courses too.
LOTS of the children who didn't get into the grammar schools at 11 opt to go to the various 6th forms that the grammar schools offer. There's no test but there are entry requirements overall and for specific subjects (i.e. you can't decide you want to do Chemistry at A level if you only got a low grade in the subject for GCSE). Those that go to the post 16 colleges tend to be those who want to study more vocational options and/or do btec kind of courses where they'll still get UCAS points for University courses.
Gloucestershire has 2 co-ed grammar schools, 2 just for boys and 3 just for girls up to GCSE and all of the grammars have co-ed 6th forms

😂

I know nothing about 11+ scores as we haven't had Grammar school.in my town and surrounding towns since about 1978
But this is a bit like mumsnet on GCSE results days with all.the faux naive ,is 11 grade nines ,good type threads 😂😂

Right? You’ve been prepping for this day since Hector was watching In The Night Garden in his Jumperoo - we know you’ve looked up the pass mark.

Don’t respond. Let the phone ring. Text back after an hour saying

“it’s been such a busy day (my excuse - usually true- is work or long drive) text if urgent”

Haven't read the whole thread but basically it's a long road ahead. I found that the parents who bragged the most at 11 were very embarrassed by it by the time their offspring were in their late teens. I was always particularly delighted for the children who did well (and who's families welcomed it with humility)

You have my sympathy op. I’ve got a lifelong friend who I’ve essentially ditched because of this tiresome obsession with their kids’ achievements.

The thing is about ‘braggers’ is that they have to do it to someone on the same social scale as them, but one who hasn’t achieved quite so well (in their view). It’s that delicious sweet spot that makes them feel ultimately superior to you and good about themselves.

I was sick of constantly being the ‘less than’ with my friend and I got quite angry and resentful about it. So I decided enough was enough and have avoided her for years. I briefly gave in for a coffee after covid and five minutes in I was having to hear all about Saskia’s university course and how she was destined for greatness…🙄

Needless to say there have been no more coffees. Saskia had done her degree and has an ordinary job pretty much like other graduates.

Life is too short for these draining insecure wannabes.

Don’t pick up the phone

What a boring person, having to seek validation through her offspring's success. just don't answer.

Wow this is really bad form, most people that have children that sit the 11 plus know that it is bad form to brag. Both my sons did well and are now at the school of their choice Y9 & Y7. I knew from results that it was likely they would be offered a place but I only told people how they had done if they asked otherwise it wasn’t mentioned. Where we are you do not have contact with the schools ahead of offer day you receive your results then based on that submit choices on CAF and wait until 1st March so surprised she has emails from schools direct already but this may happen in your area. I am quite direct so would probably call her out along the lines of ‘I am pleased for your son however you seem to be completely insensitive to the fact the many people are still waiting for results or have not scored enough to be offered a place so perhaps it might be more considerate to tone it down a little. Sadly not everyone could afford all the tutors your DS had’

I've a friend who keeps coming back to either achievement or their latest drama.

I've found the best approach is to not reward the behaviour. I say congrats or so sorry, then don't acknowledge when they return to the subject again. If they're persistent, I become very busy and don't have time to chat, text or meet up. They soon realise you're no longer their brag person so find another one!

I thought everyone got their results on the same day? How can she have been calling you since last week and you only got your daughters today? (Genuine question!)

Stop being so nice.
Block her number.

Don’t tell her your DD passed. One day she’ll just randomly pass your daughter in her St Swotaretta’s uniform. More classy

You sent your kid to boarding school to get away from the angst of the mums? Blimey, that’s a bit drastic. I’d have just nodded politely and smiled.

I can't believe you still have the 11+ and selective grammars! I take it this is in England? My Dad talks about going through this process in Scotland in the 1950s, and it sounded so regressive. I hope that your child gets the results she needs to find a place somewhere she will be happy.

Haven't RTFT, but my experience as the parent of a highly selective and competitive Grammar School pupil, is that the super-tutored kids sometimes come good, but sometimes just flounder in among the naturally bright - and particularly among the naturally bright kids with an African or Asian heritage who are being forced to do 4 hours additional study every night.
Personally, I wasn't keen on DC taking the 11+ as being a perfectionist, passing well but not well enough for a place would have been devastating. The child was insistent and scored well, got in, but ultimately didn't enjoy the school as much as they might.
It's hard to say that the education wasn't satisfactory when the results are more than a dozen A grade GCSEs and five A-levels, but I will settle for a 25 year-old comfortable in their own skin anytime over a bitter and unfulfilled hot-house flower.

My area now, you are in the lottery county wide not just your local ones and you have to fit their criteria to get a place even if you passed.

This is what I thought, proper grammar schools, (free ones) haven't made school place offers yet, you still need to apply through the usual route by the end of this month. This lady is confused or lying. I would ditch her. My autistic child wouldn't fit in at a grammar school, although he was able to pass the entrance tests. I have a friend who goes on about her DS, knowing mine will not be going and I am struggling to know where to apply to for him. These people need to shut up. No one cares, we only care about our own kids.

@Moonsago My friend came from a 'poor' but middle class family in a large shabby Victorian house near Richmond Park- The kids all went to the local primary, but all got into Grammars or good Independents as scholarships..Zero hothousing, they were {are} a ridiculously brainy family, but zero boasting.
They genuinely are lovely people.
People that really have the brains and academic ability don't feel the need to boast about it.

Brilliant!