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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do most grown men know how to wipe properly?

181 replies

Fartymcnarty · 13/10/2023 18:26

I swear I’m not a poo troll, I don’t post often but this is really irking me!!! My partner often leaves “marks” on the sheets, even towels after he’s had a bath. He just went to the bathroom whilst I was in the bath (issue in itself) and he wiped once, put the paper straight in the toilet, wiped a second time- straight down the toilet. Was about to pull his pants up when I lost it!! I asked how he knows it clean!!!??? We’ve had this conversation before due to marks left etc! He sighed and said he’s a man! Sat back down and wiped and looked at the paper, 4 more times until it was clean! This is a deal breaker for me now! I seriously cannot be with a grown man who can’t wipe his own backside properly!!! Tell me this isn’t normal and is not a “man” thing? I have two adult boys, I taught them both how to wipe as part of toilet training so what the hell is wrong with him?!!

OP posts:
SoEffingGrumpy · 13/10/2023 18:40

That is not ‘normal’ in this house. I’d not be wanting to share a bed with another adult that left skid marks on the sheets and towel, more one that took a shit whilst I was having a soak in the bath! 🤮

Icannoteven · 13/10/2023 18:41

That’s not normal at all. What does he mean by ‘I’m a man?’ 🫤

xyz111 · 13/10/2023 18:42

This isn't normal!!! I could never be with someone leaving shit on sheets and towels. My 5 year old doesn't even do that!!!!

Original poster
Fartymcnarty · 13/10/2023 18:42

I seriously know it can’t possibly be normal!! I’m a man is his excuse for everything!!!! It’s disgusting and I’m trying to convince myself otherwise!!!! Eugh!

OP posts:
growgrowinggrown · 13/10/2023 18:44

100% not normal, how is he not mortified at doing this even once?

I wonder (also not a poo troll!!) if its in part due to men having a hairy bum? I mean it's still no excuse, but if I got poo in my hair it'd take a lot more than a quick swipe of loo roll to get it out fully / feel clean.

Original poster
Fartymcnarty · 13/10/2023 18:46

He doesn’t even look at the paper though!!! Wipes twice, that’s it!!

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 13/10/2023 18:46

Absolutely not normal, I've been with DH for over 10 years and never once been aware of any form of skid mark (or urine splashes, he sit down wees as he's considerate)

Worriemumma · 13/10/2023 18:47

Whhhhhhy was he even shitting and wiping next to you whilst you were in the bath 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

You are not wrong to be horrified and at the end of your tether!!

LindorDoubleChoc · 13/10/2023 18:48

Oh dear.

Mumsnet sure isn't what it used to be.

MartyFunkhouser · 13/10/2023 18:48

That’s really not normal. Not at all.

Amd I’m 🤢 at you witnessing his arse wiping. My husband and I are pretty free and easy about sharing bathroom activities but that’s a bit much.

Is he very fat? Is it that he can’t reach his arse? Does he have digestive issues that mean he doesn’t do a ‘clean’ or firm shit? Normal stools should not leave loads of residue on your arsehole!

gotomomo · 13/10/2023 18:49

Ick, not an issue here, certainly not a man problem, just a specific one

Universalsnail · 13/10/2023 18:49

It absolutely is not normal and this would give me such an ick we would never be having sex again. Shit on the towels and sheets due to not bothering to wipe properly? I feel sick. Honestly I don't even think id be giving him a chance to sort it out I'd be gone.

Disturbia81 · 13/10/2023 18:50

Gross. And men wonder why women don't find them attractive. Shitting next to you! 🤢🤢

MartyFunkhouser · 13/10/2023 18:50

It constantly amazes me what some women on here put up with. The bar for some is unbelievably low.

44PumpLane · 13/10/2023 18:51

Two things.....

I hope you make him shower thoroughly before any intimate act if he's got poo bits floating about his pants.

Second....stuff like this always reminds me of that episode of Embarrassing Bodies where the guy often smelt of poo and the did loads of medical tests and the conclusion at the end was that MAYBE HE SHOULD REVISIT HIS WIPING TECHNIQUE!!!!! Bleurgh!!!!!

winterchills · 13/10/2023 18:51

That is absolutely repulsing! Not surprised ur pissed off. I don't think I could stay with a dirt bag like that even if he did change his ways knowing that he thinks it's acceptable 🤢

TheBeautifulMoors · 13/10/2023 18:51

i didn’t read because it sounds so gross, but both my DH and young teen DS are very clean. They absolutely can wipe properly.
There’s no way i’d be attracted to DH, if he couldn’t 😣

TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon · 13/10/2023 18:53

Of course it's not fucking normal.
You're either married to someone with very severe mental health issues to the point they are unaware that they're a pig, or he's a pig.

minipie · 13/10/2023 18:53

Definitely not a man thing. DH has a clean bum (not leaving skid marks in the loo is a work in progress mind you).

Being kind, perhaps your DH was never taught how to wipe properly? Maybe he will improve now you’ve shown him what to do?

Pooing while you were in the bath… do you only have one loo?

thistimelastweek · 13/10/2023 18:54

How can it be a man thing?
Like we teach our daughters whilst ignoring our sons' shitey arses?

It's far from normal. He's dirty.

TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon · 13/10/2023 18:54

Fartymcnarty · 13/10/2023 18:46

He doesn’t even look at the paper though!!! Wipes twice, that’s it!!

And this is the kind of conversation you have when? Over dinner?

Fucking grim

Munchyseeds2 · 13/10/2023 18:54

I feel truly sorry for you OP😫

Cowlover89 · 13/10/2023 18:55

Grim 🤢🤢

Biscuitsandgravyforyou · 13/10/2023 18:56

How have you not left him already if he regularly leaves shit stains on your, presumably shared, bed 😫

2jacqi · 13/10/2023 18:56

well I think you might have to continually embarrass him now!! he sounds absolutely disgusting! the next time you see shit or skiddies on underpants or towels or bedsheets you tell him loudly that he had better deal with that and change bed, wash sheets and towels and wash his own skid marks off his filthy boxers!!! if you have guests, all the better!!!