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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do most grown men know how to wipe properly?

181 replies

Fartymcnarty · 13/10/2023 18:26

I swear I’m not a poo troll, I don’t post often but this is really irking me!!! My partner often leaves “marks” on the sheets, even towels after he’s had a bath. He just went to the bathroom whilst I was in the bath (issue in itself) and he wiped once, put the paper straight in the toilet, wiped a second time- straight down the toilet. Was about to pull his pants up when I lost it!! I asked how he knows it clean!!!??? We’ve had this conversation before due to marks left etc! He sighed and said he’s a man! Sat back down and wiped and looked at the paper, 4 more times until it was clean! This is a deal breaker for me now! I seriously cannot be with a grown man who can’t wipe his own backside properly!!! Tell me this isn’t normal and is not a “man” thing? I have two adult boys, I taught them both how to wipe as part of toilet training so what the hell is wrong with him?!!

OP posts:
junbean · 13/10/2023 19:56

This is so abnormal. I'm single and dating and it's annoying AF how much men like to talk about their poo hygiene like they're proud of how well trained they are. I didn't even realize it could go the other way. My last ex once confronted me after I peed to let me know he showers after every poo. That one lives rent free in my head. Another guy I swiped left on had in his bio: "If you stand up to wipe, don't swipe right". WTF! Another free renter. Maybe so many men are nasty so the clean ones have to announce themselves? Anyway most men are disgusting and I find talking about it incessantly to be as bad as not wiping well at all. Maybe yours can be trained better? Aren't they all just large children anyway?

Luxurybeliefspreader · 13/10/2023 19:57

Imagine having the absolute arrogance and self assurance to be this man and feel totally unconcerned that his romantic partner of two years has to clean his shit of their bedding and towels on a regular basis and he could not give a flying fuck and has no concern she might be repulsed and repelled by him.
Just complete 'meh I can't do any better'

You'd be utterly mortified !
(

alpenguin · 13/10/2023 19:57

Having issues with a man who leaves skids is one thing and it’s manky but there may be reasons other than poor hygiene (although clarified here that’s not the case)

Having a man take a dump when you’re in the bath is not only weird it’s disgusting. Who wants to lie in a bath breathing in someone else’s fecal matter stench?

The fact you allow an adult to shit in your bathroom while you’re lying in the bath, that you watch him as he wipes and only then realise he isn’t capable of cleaning his own arse properly leaves me wondering why we still exist as a species.

Saschka · 13/10/2023 19:59

Most adult men can wipe their own bums. My six year old has been able to do it for a couple of years. The fact your DH is leaving skid marks on sheets is absolutely rank.

LuluBlakey1 · 13/10/2023 20:04

I'd never get into bed with him again, or have sex with him or touch him and I'd be locking the bathroom door if I was in there. Seriously, divorce him. It's disgusting behaviour.

Ilefttownonsaturday · 13/10/2023 20:05

Give him moist toilet paper to use. Dry paper isn't enough for a thorough cleanse.

Hedjwitch · 13/10/2023 20:05

We only have one bathroom. No way DH would have a dump while I was in the bath. Totally disgusting. And then inspecting the arse wiping? Jeez. What kind of people are you?

IMustDoMoreExercise · 13/10/2023 20:07

44PumpLane · 13/10/2023 18:51

Two things.....

I hope you make him shower thoroughly before any intimate act if he's got poo bits floating about his pants.

Second....stuff like this always reminds me of that episode of Embarrassing Bodies where the guy often smelt of poo and the did loads of medical tests and the conclusion at the end was that MAYBE HE SHOULD REVISIT HIS WIPING TECHNIQUE!!!!! Bleurgh!!!!!

There's no point in making him shower if there's poo on the bath towels after he's had to shower.

He obviously doesn't clean his bum in the shower either.

2jacqi · 13/10/2023 20:09

did he even wash his hands after having a shit in front of you??????

AlfredaTheGrape · 13/10/2023 20:13

Of all my partners who've stayed over for a night or a decade, not one has had this issue. One had a very slight version of it, and one comment from me and it was no longer a problem.

Caveats: There could possibly be a developing problem either with a small amount of leakage eg in the night (can be part of bowel disorders temporary or long term, and is not to do with not wiping beforehand), or with not being able to reach properly due to a bad back, arthritic hands, or similar, but not realising or being too embarrassed to mention it and look at solutions.

Other than that it's just poor personal care, completely yuck, and not 'just a man thing'.

Janieforever · 13/10/2023 20:16

I can’t believe what I’m reading. Either someone made this up or there’s a grown man who doesn’t wipe his arse and leaves shit everywhere and his partner who sits there in the bath whilst he’s shitting.

Alloveragain3 · 13/10/2023 20:17

Yuck.

Buy in some of those degradable/flushable moist wipes.

shakeitoffsis · 13/10/2023 20:19

Foul

Sothisiit · 13/10/2023 20:23

Not normal, send him back to his mother to be 'house trained'.

Original poster
Fartymcnarty · 13/10/2023 20:33

I feel sad that it’s true now

OP posts:
BodegaSushi · 13/10/2023 20:37

LindorDoubleChoc · 13/10/2023 18:48

Oh dear.

Mumsnet sure isn't what it used to be.

🤐

Jk987 · 13/10/2023 20:42

I can't understand couples using the th the toilet in front of each other. Having a dump while you're having a nice bath is just unbelievable! How do you continue a romantic relationship after all that?

The skid stained sheets and towels are the nail in the coffin!

ChaToilLeam · 13/10/2023 20:43

You really have set the bar low, OP. 🤢

Mmhmmn · 13/10/2023 20:47

JFC. He shits and wipes his arse in front of you. And leaves shit marks everywhere he goes. And blames his Y chromosome? Words fail me.

magimedi · 13/10/2023 20:51

LTB

DonnaBanana · 13/10/2023 20:52

It must be said I don't look at the paper either but I can just tell by the feeling / sensation of the paper if I'm finished. It's like how wiping some butter off the side with some paper towel feels different to just wiping it dry.

Evaka · 13/10/2023 20:53

My stomach is heaving. What have I just read?

Thelittleweasel · 13/10/2023 20:56

@Fartymcnarty

As another poster asks - do we actually teach our DC to wipe themselves cleanly.

Thank goodness the days of hard toilet paper are gone "two sheets - one to wipe and one to polish!" People smelled in those days.

One solution is "moist toilet tissue" and inspection to make sure that is clean.

PinkMoscatoLover · 13/10/2023 20:58

Fucking hell. I’m not trying to see no grown man leave skid marks on towels/bedsheets that’s absolutely disgusting. I have so many questions I don’t even know where to start.

Why is he shitting when you’re right next to him in the bath/shower?

How can someone possibly take a shit, wipe twice and that’s it. Doesn’t even check the tissue to see what the situation is?

Why the fuck doesn’t this man clean his arse in the bath/shower at the very least?

This is disgusting seriously

EvilElsa · 13/10/2023 20:59

The thought of a fully grown adult shitting while I was in the bath close enough for me to count how many times he's wiped his arse is absolutely disgusting. No, my husband doesn't leave shit stains on anything. Might sound dramatic but I'd never be able to go near the bloke again -the thought of having sex with someone with a shitty arse is foul.