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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to see DS doing a wee?

209 replies

PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/10/2023 09:47

Does anyone out there have experience of boys unable to aim or direct their flow of urine??
My 12 year old DS cannot manage to aim in to the toilet bowl. Every time he has a wee, it goes all over the toilet lid and seat (which he has lifted up, obviously), all over the back of the hinges of the seat, down the sides of the toilet and sprays all over the floor!!!
What is going on?!
This is a new thing.
Never used to happen as a younger boy.
We've really talked to him about this as it's making the bathroom smell of urine, and we've had to throw out 2 fabric baskets that sat next to the toilet holding loo rolls, because they got entrenched in his wee and smelt of urine despite being washed.
DS is actually really embarrassed about it, he panics when it happens and is often seen wiping it all up off the floor with tissue after going to toilet, looking mortified if we see him.
He has said he hates it but that his wee 'squirts up everywhere' and he says he tries really hard but cannot control the aim.
DH gets really annoyed about it because we are forever scrubbing the toilet and floor. He's talked to him about positioning, aim, holding himself correctly, etc. DS says he does all that but the wee literally squirts up and out all over the place.
We've asked him to sit down on the toilet seat when he has a wee, but he says he can't because it hurts to push his penis down enough to stop the wee squirting on to the seat.
I feel I need to watch him have a wee so I can see what's happening but is this unreasonable at his age??
I've said to him we may need to discuss this problem with GP and he looked grief stricken!
Is there anyone with experience in this who can advise?

OP posts:
Coldinscotland · 12/10/2023 09:50

I would guess your ds doesn't have much say in the 'position' of his penis at times..... Of course you can't watch him wee! Move the loo rolls and leave some wipes out. And a bin.

KombuchaKalling · 12/10/2023 09:50

I voted you are being unreasonable as you’re doing the scrubbing and cleaning. He makes the mess = he cleans it up. If he can’t wee properly standing up then he needs to sit down

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 12/10/2023 09:53

i would say only being unreasonable to watch but for him to sit and have to push it down doesnt sound normal (not that i know too much about how males urinate but both my lads sit down and are fine. Could his foreskin be too tight and that is why he struggles. Maybe a dad and lad convo and a drs visit as it is clearly a medical issue if he is panicking and cleaning, it isnt laziness. Good luck OP

Thisisnotlikehim · 12/10/2023 09:55

KombuchaKalling · Today 09:50

I voted you are being unreasonable as you’re doing the scrubbing and cleaning. He makes the mess = he cleans it up. If he can’t wee properly standing up then he needs to sit down

It hurts him to sit down. He’s mortified and grief stricken. This isn’t a ‘won’t’ it is a ‘can’t’ he needs kindness and support. Not harshness and shaming. He is trying to clean it up.

hedgehoglurker · 12/10/2023 09:57

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 12/10/2023 09:53

i would say only being unreasonable to watch but for him to sit and have to push it down doesnt sound normal (not that i know too much about how males urinate but both my lads sit down and are fine. Could his foreskin be too tight and that is why he struggles. Maybe a dad and lad convo and a drs visit as it is clearly a medical issue if he is panicking and cleaning, it isnt laziness. Good luck OP

I agree, it sounds like a medical issue and he is embarrassed to discuss it. GP visit needed. In the meantime, he could try something to help his aim like a small kitchen funnel or she-wee type device.

TokyoSushi · 12/10/2023 09:58

His reaction tells me that it's probably more of a medical issue than a behavioral problem/laziness - poor DS! Agree asking to watch him wee is a bit weird, but there may also be an obvious solution - tricky one!

IncomingTraffic · 12/10/2023 10:00

Take him to see the GP - if he can’t control it and it hurts to sit down, the reason needs to be investigated.

IncomingTraffic · 12/10/2023 10:02

Why is grief stricken at going to the GP?

The issue is likely medical. There’s no need to feel upset or ashamed about having a medical issue.

Can you frame this positively for him instead?

Original poster
PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/10/2023 10:02

I asked for replies from anyone with experience in this.
I am not looking for subjective opinions from harsh critics.
Obviously I've moved the loo rolls🙄 Obviously I've put wipes in there 🙄
Obviously he is trying to clean it up after himself 🙄
Thanks loads for the supportive back-up @Thisisnotlikehim - my sentiments exactly.

OP posts:
WolfFoxHare · 12/10/2023 10:03

Sounds like it could be phimosis (tight foreskin). Can you DH not watch him, if DS feels embarrassed to have you see? Or is DH too impatient? Either way, I think he needs to go to the GP.

Sugarfree23 · 12/10/2023 10:04

Take him to the GP, no way on the earth would my 12yo let me see him do a wee.

WolfFoxHare · 12/10/2023 10:05

And yes, I agree with PP that it sounds like can’t not won’t, from his reaction. Kindness and help to access medical advice, not shaming, is the way to go.

Sugarfree23 · 12/10/2023 10:06

I don't even think you should ask DH to watch him.
Really it's a medical issue, needs medical fixing. The GP is hardly going to supervise peeing he'll have a look at the foreskin.

The question is who does DS want to accompany him to gp?

IncomingTraffic · 12/10/2023 10:08

Take him to the GP and try to frame this as a positive step is not a subjective opinion. It’s advice based on my experience of children who’ve experienced a whole range of medical issues.

insisting on watching him pee is likely to be humiliating for him. As is leaving him to struggle and make a mess.

The only sensible course of action is to say ‘there is clearly something wrong - let’s go to the GP and get it treated’.

While it’s still happening reassure him that’s it ok. Make better cleaning materials easily available in the toilet so he isn’t trying to mop things up with loo roll. Be clear that asking for help with cleaning up is not a problem for anyone.

DigbyTheDigger · 12/10/2023 10:15

No experience of this, but would he feel less mortified if he went to the doctor with his dad?

DisquietintheRanks · 12/10/2023 10:15

There are various conditions that make it difficult for boy/men to aim where they pee. What does his dad say about it has he watched/taught him?

Original poster
PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/10/2023 10:20

IncomingTraffic · 12/10/2023 10:08

Take him to the GP and try to frame this as a positive step is not a subjective opinion. It’s advice based on my experience of children who’ve experienced a whole range of medical issues.

insisting on watching him pee is likely to be humiliating for him. As is leaving him to struggle and make a mess.

The only sensible course of action is to say ‘there is clearly something wrong - let’s go to the GP and get it treated’.

While it’s still happening reassure him that’s it ok. Make better cleaning materials easily available in the toilet so he isn’t trying to mop things up with loo roll. Be clear that asking for help with cleaning up is not a problem for anyone.

I was referring to replies from @Coldinscotland and @KombuchaKalling

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 12/10/2023 10:23

YANBU while it’s frustrating if you do insist on watching him pee can you imagine how embarrassing, or possibly humiliating, that would be for him?

70sDuvet · 12/10/2023 10:23

I have a DS with bladder issues. Not exactly the same but at times if he is really bursting for a wee he can't control it.
If he goes before he is at the panicking stage his flow is better.
Is this happening when he's been sleeping/engrossed on the xbox/TV?

DS let's us see as we have more medical issues to deal with and need to do other things with him in the bathroom so he has never reached the embarrassment stage.

The other thing I am wondering is if he is at the stage where he should be cleaning his foreskin and that has caused issues? DS is 10 so we arent there yet.

Or like another PP is his foreskin too tight?

I would stop reprimanding him esp DH, try and see if he will let DH see and then if no obvious cause go to the GP.

Has he ever been prone to UTIs?

Original poster
PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/10/2023 10:26

IncomingTraffic · 12/10/2023 10:02

Why is grief stricken at going to the GP?

The issue is likely medical. There’s no need to feel upset or ashamed about having a medical issue.

Can you frame this positively for him instead?

Well, he looked grief stricken - at the thought of a GP examining his genitals.
I've normalised it completely. I'm very matter of fact about our bodies. But he is embarrassed at the thought of it, regardless.
I personally think this is totally understandable at his age!
I will book a GP appointment for him though.
I can just leave the room during the actual physical examination.

OP posts:
Moldywarpedalright · 12/10/2023 10:30

Your dh should be helping your ds with this, not getting cross. Calmly and matter of factly observing issue or listening to what your ds says about it and taking him to gp. Reassuring him it’s ok.

Original poster
PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/10/2023 10:30

DigbyTheDigger · 12/10/2023 10:15

No experience of this, but would he feel less mortified if he went to the doctor with his dad?

It's not about going to the GP with me.
His embarrassment is about having to show his genitals to the GP.
I'm not saying I won't arrange for him to see a GP, but I'm really surprised at posters questioning why a 12 year old boy would be mortified about having his family GP examine his penis? I'd have thought anyone would understand this? Even the GP would get this!

OP posts:
Goodornot · 12/10/2023 10:32

Until it is sorted out do you have a shower cubicle? Can he point it in there to pee and then just run the hot shower and spray cleaner to wash it off?

lilyblue5 · 12/10/2023 10:32

Due to the fact that we have different parts (assuming you are a woman OP, and hugest apologies if not and I’ve misread) I’d let DH both watch and do the docs appt.
I let husband deal with anything Willy related.
As a mum with boys I don’t think it’s normal to not be able to control the flow and definitely a medical issue. Esp now you’ve mentioned hurting if he urinates sitting down. As others have said, foreskin issues are probably the cause.
also agree, not his fault and well done for not making the huge issue of it.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/10/2023 10:33

At 12, unreasonable.

Would you be happy with him watching you?