Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to see DS doing a wee?

209 replies

PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/10/2023 09:47

Does anyone out there have experience of boys unable to aim or direct their flow of urine??
My 12 year old DS cannot manage to aim in to the toilet bowl. Every time he has a wee, it goes all over the toilet lid and seat (which he has lifted up, obviously), all over the back of the hinges of the seat, down the sides of the toilet and sprays all over the floor!!!
What is going on?!
This is a new thing.
Never used to happen as a younger boy.
We've really talked to him about this as it's making the bathroom smell of urine, and we've had to throw out 2 fabric baskets that sat next to the toilet holding loo rolls, because they got entrenched in his wee and smelt of urine despite being washed.
DS is actually really embarrassed about it, he panics when it happens and is often seen wiping it all up off the floor with tissue after going to toilet, looking mortified if we see him.
He has said he hates it but that his wee 'squirts up everywhere' and he says he tries really hard but cannot control the aim.
DH gets really annoyed about it because we are forever scrubbing the toilet and floor. He's talked to him about positioning, aim, holding himself correctly, etc. DS says he does all that but the wee literally squirts up and out all over the place.
We've asked him to sit down on the toilet seat when he has a wee, but he says he can't because it hurts to push his penis down enough to stop the wee squirting on to the seat.
I feel I need to watch him have a wee so I can see what's happening but is this unreasonable at his age??
I've said to him we may need to discuss this problem with GP and he looked grief stricken!
Is there anyone with experience in this who can advise?

OP posts:
AnchorWHAT · 12/10/2023 10:34

Yes needs to see GP but in the meantime could he use a medical bottle to wee into and empty into the loo? Saves the mess

recoveringa · 12/10/2023 10:34

My partner and child only ever pee sitting down - could that be an alternative?

Original poster
PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/10/2023 10:35

WolfFoxHare · 12/10/2023 10:03

Sounds like it could be phimosis (tight foreskin). Can you DH not watch him, if DS feels embarrassed to have you see? Or is DH too impatient? Either way, I think he needs to go to the GP.

Ok, yes, maybe this could be it.
What happens if the foreskin is too tight?
He did say yesterday that it hurts to try and pull his foreskin back, after DH told him to try and do this to see if it might help with aim/flow.
Would it ordinarily hurt/be tender to pull foreskin back at this age? Or does this mean there's a problem ?

OP posts:
Sugarfree23 · 12/10/2023 10:35

Op most GP rooms have a curtain or screen they can pull around the bed area so you wouldn't actually need to leave the room.

Forget all ideas of you, Dad or anyone else watching him pee. You know he has and issue and you know the GP is the first stop in fixing it.

Floppyelf · 12/10/2023 10:36

PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/10/2023 09:47

Does anyone out there have experience of boys unable to aim or direct their flow of urine??
My 12 year old DS cannot manage to aim in to the toilet bowl. Every time he has a wee, it goes all over the toilet lid and seat (which he has lifted up, obviously), all over the back of the hinges of the seat, down the sides of the toilet and sprays all over the floor!!!
What is going on?!
This is a new thing.
Never used to happen as a younger boy.
We've really talked to him about this as it's making the bathroom smell of urine, and we've had to throw out 2 fabric baskets that sat next to the toilet holding loo rolls, because they got entrenched in his wee and smelt of urine despite being washed.
DS is actually really embarrassed about it, he panics when it happens and is often seen wiping it all up off the floor with tissue after going to toilet, looking mortified if we see him.
He has said he hates it but that his wee 'squirts up everywhere' and he says he tries really hard but cannot control the aim.
DH gets really annoyed about it because we are forever scrubbing the toilet and floor. He's talked to him about positioning, aim, holding himself correctly, etc. DS says he does all that but the wee literally squirts up and out all over the place.
We've asked him to sit down on the toilet seat when he has a wee, but he says he can't because it hurts to push his penis down enough to stop the wee squirting on to the seat.
I feel I need to watch him have a wee so I can see what's happening but is this unreasonable at his age??
I've said to him we may need to discuss this problem with GP and he looked grief stricken!
Is there anyone with experience in this who can advise?

This whole nonsense about boys standing up for peeing is bs. Get him to sit down. Its better for his bladder as well. In some EU countries they’re pushing for this.

Sugarfree23 · 12/10/2023 10:36

I'd try to get a male GP might be less embarrassing for DS

EggTheParrot · 12/10/2023 10:36

@PleasedToBeAFlower I think there is a cream that can help release the tightness or a circumcision

ActDottie · 12/10/2023 10:38

I’d be encouraging him to sit down. All men in our house do it. Standing up when it’s not a urinal is just a bit gross really.

I know you’ve already asked him to sit down and he just needs to learn to get on with it really. My husband hated it at first but now it’s habit and he agrees it’s better.

handwringer82 · 12/10/2023 10:39

No experience of this but have taught teenager boys including Year 9 PSHE sex ed lessons. I think you both need to be reeeeeeally casual and laid back about how you speak about this. (Your husbands annoyance won't be helping him at all as I'm sure you know). Yes a GP visit is what's needed. But just be so chilled and matter of fact about it. Just calmly say it's completely normal to see GP about random stuff like this and there's no problem, then book the appt.

Make sure he knows you're there for him if he needs to talk about it but otherwise be super laid back and get to the GP with no drama.

theveryhungrybum · 12/10/2023 10:39

PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/10/2023 10:02

I asked for replies from anyone with experience in this.
I am not looking for subjective opinions from harsh critics.
Obviously I've moved the loo rolls🙄 Obviously I've put wipes in there 🙄
Obviously he is trying to clean it up after himself 🙄
Thanks loads for the supportive back-up @Thisisnotlikehim - my sentiments exactly.

I complained to my 50 year old brother awhile ago about this very situation, and he said that he still has problems with aim at times. He said that when a penis is tucked into underwear, the opening at the end can get squashed closed, and if you don't realise that when you go to wee, your aim is totally off. So apparently it is a thing.

SquirrelFeeder · 12/10/2023 10:40

Forgive me if I'm way off but could he be starting to have involuntary erections? I have no idea when all that stuff starts (I'm a woman, obviously) and I don't have a male child. Was just my first thought

Splat92 · 12/10/2023 10:41

One of my family members had this issue (was similar age I think??) due to a too tight foreskin. He ended up needing to be circumcised.

bilbodog · 12/10/2023 10:42

OP this happened to my DS years ago (cant remember exactly how old he was) but he described to me that his willy ballooned at the end when peeing so we went to the dr. Yes he was mortified at the drs (i told him it was a check-up) but his foreskin was a bit tight and the drs advice was to play with it more and keep pulling it back. We didnt have any further problems.

good luck.

gamerchick · 12/10/2023 10:43

I think I'd be asking husband to have a chat and make sure the bairn can pull his foreskin back.

I'd.push for sitting down. Some dudes just have shit aim.

RandomButtons · 12/10/2023 10:44

No it shouldn’t hurt to pull foreskin back at that age. He needs to see a GP.

WolfFoxHare · 12/10/2023 10:46

PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/10/2023 10:35

Ok, yes, maybe this could be it.
What happens if the foreskin is too tight?
He did say yesterday that it hurts to try and pull his foreskin back, after DH told him to try and do this to see if it might help with aim/flow.
Would it ordinarily hurt/be tender to pull foreskin back at this age? Or does this mean there's a problem ?

Show quote history

No, it shouldn't hurt to pull back his foreskin. If he has phimosis, it could be spoiling his aim because the tight foreskin could make the urethra opening too small/irregular - like if you put your thumb over the end of a tap when it's running, and water sprays everywhere. Or sometimes the urine can sort of "balloon" up under the foreskin, with predictable results.

I believe that it's possible with creams etc to loosen tight foreskins in some cases, but otherwise he may need to be circumcised. Not pleasant for a 12 year old, but better than the alternative - my brother's friend had it, wasn't treated as he didn't tell anyone as he was so embarrassed, and he found it too painful to have sex for years as an adult (until he was in his late 20s and finally went to the doctor).

WolfFoxHare · 12/10/2023 10:46

I suppose it could also be an infection or something similar - again, the best way to find out is to take him to the GP.

Intriguedbythis · 12/10/2023 10:46

oh Bless him 💗 hope it gets resolved soon perhaps a growth spurt- tight foreskin temporary issue?

so surprised others think it’s inappropriate to watch a 12 year old ( still child) wee for a medical purpose? She’s his mum ffs nothing weird at all.

gamerchick · 12/10/2023 10:47

PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/10/2023 10:35

Ok, yes, maybe this could be it.
What happens if the foreskin is too tight?
He did say yesterday that it hurts to try and pull his foreskin back, after DH told him to try and do this to see if it might help with aim/flow.
Would it ordinarily hurt/be tender to pull foreskin back at this age? Or does this mean there's a problem ?

Show quote history

Missed that, soz. Yeah it's time for the doctors OP.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 12/10/2023 10:48

PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/10/2023 10:35

Ok, yes, maybe this could be it.
What happens if the foreskin is too tight?
He did say yesterday that it hurts to try and pull his foreskin back, after DH told him to try and do this to see if it might help with aim/flow.
Would it ordinarily hurt/be tender to pull foreskin back at this age? Or does this mean there's a problem ?

Show quote history

He should be able to pull his foreskin back - it's inportant to be able to clean under it. Sorry if TMI but does your husband have a foreskin? Sometimes circumcised men are unaware of how they work.

If it is a bit tight that isn't necessarily anything serious - there is a topical cream that a doctor can prescribe along with your son gently stretching and moving it. Only if that doesn't help would circumcision be a possible option.

But this does need to be sorted out as he goes through puberty, not just for peeing/aiming but also for his general health.

BananaPyjamaLlama · 12/10/2023 10:50

Hes 12, of course you shouldnt watch him wee. Your dh possibly but definitely not you.

If its really that bad he should for sure go to see a gp. They see body parts of all sizes all the time............ actually stripping off in front of a gp is an experience that its worth getting used too at some point.

UrsulaBelle · 12/10/2023 10:51

My 2 DSes both had tight foreskins that adhered to their glans. We saw the GP when they were 8 and 10 who referred them to a urologist, and they just suggested pulling their foreskins back regularly while in the bath, so everything was warm and flexible. They were both mortified at the examination but it did seem to do the trick. No circumcision or anything required.

CrotchetyQuaver · 12/10/2023 10:52

I think this is a situation for his dad to deal with. Seeing the issue for himself and going to the GP about it.

SauronsArsehole · 12/10/2023 10:53

For sitting on the toilet he probably would benefit from having something like this fitted to the loo seat.

m this stops anything spraying under the seat and out the front.

there are alternative designs and styles that could help with the immediate issue of pee everywhere when sitting down.

as others have pointed out. GP to discuss possibility of foreskin issues.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Toilet-Deflector-Training-Prevent-between/dp/B09R3Z83VN/ref=asc_df_B09R3Z83VN/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=646285688284&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=3908867795072715613&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045343&hvtargid=pla-1966402473571&psc=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwsp6pBhCfARIsAD3GZuZ9WaFs7OpAWFyGCPeJADjoarMPPTRkJfT4RKWrsFBAUnvovvrzzcIaAqUYEALw_wcB

Mischance · 12/10/2023 10:53

I think it is important that your OH does not get cross about this. He needs to be supportive and gently ask to see him wee so that he can check that all is well.

I think you should google it - I did and found lots of answers: An abnormal urinary stream (one that points up, down or to the side or that dribbles or sprays) is usually caused by an abnormality in the opening of the urethra, which is the tube that goes from the bladder to the end of the penis.

He certainly does not need your OH to be really annoyed about it. That is a totally inappropriate response and is frankly unkind. This poor lad is obviously already embarrassed about it - he needs support and understanding not annoyance.