To ask to see DS doing a wee?

[PleasedToBeAFlower]

Does anyone out there have experience of boys unable to aim or direct their flow of urine??
My 12 year old DS cannot manage to aim in to the toilet bowl. Every time he has a wee, it goes all over the toilet lid and seat (which he has lifted up, obviously), all over the back of the hinges of the seat, down the sides of the toilet and sprays all over the floor!!!
What is going on?!
This is a new thing.
Never used to happen as a younger boy.
We've really talked to him about this as it's making the bathroom smell of urine, and we've had to throw out 2 fabric baskets that sat next to the toilet holding loo rolls, because they got entrenched in his wee and smelt of urine despite being washed.
DS is actually really embarrassed about it, he panics when it happens and is often seen wiping it all up off the floor with tissue after going to toilet, looking mortified if we see him.
He has said he hates it but that his wee 'squirts up everywhere' and he says he tries really hard but cannot control the aim.
DH gets really annoyed about it because we are forever scrubbing the toilet and floor. He's talked to him about positioning, aim, holding himself correctly, etc. DS says he does all that but the wee literally squirts up and out all over the place.
We've asked him to sit down on the toilet seat when he has a wee, but he says he can't because it hurts to push his penis down enough to stop the wee squirting on to the seat.
I feel I need to watch him have a wee so I can see what's happening but is this unreasonable at his age??
I've said to him we may need to discuss this problem with GP and he looked grief stricken!
Is there anyone with experience in this who can advise?

@PumpkinsAndCoconuts I had heard this before. Out of interest, do they have urinals in public toilets, usually, or just cubicles?

Could be a urethral stricture. Common and easily fixed but can make a man’s wee go in several diff directions all at the same time. Husband had it and had it fixed last year. Pls feel free to message me if you want any more details.

Why can't he just sit down to pee until he gets some medical help?

it's a shame he has this issue, but he shouldn't be inflicting it on everyone else.

(apologies if this has already been suggested)

There are - as far as I know - usually cubicles and urinals (at least in large public restrooms).

I actually once went to the wrong bathroom at work (super stressed, long day) and only realised that I was in the wrong one after seeing the "no standing up" sticker.

It’s in the OP, FFS.

We've asked him to sit down on the toilet seat when he has a wee, but he says he can't because it hurts to push his penis down enough to stop the wee squirting on to the seat.

It’s a matter for a GP. If nothing else he/she will be able to reassure your son there’s nothing physically wrong.

@PleasedToBeAFlower
Apologies that I picked up the wrong end of the stick regarding your DH being 'annoyed'. To me it could be read as annoyed with DS but now I realise it is annoyed with the situation.

I didn't mean to offend

You were asking for people with experience and i have years of urology/bladder and weeing realted issues with my DS and I did offer some valid points but I suppose these were "unhelpful" as I read your rather ambiguous OP incorrectly.

Anyway you've had a lot of good advice here to take DS to the GP as this does seem like a structural issue rather than something he can help.

Good luck to you all going forward

Could be his foreskin is too tight at the moment or it could be (but I imagine you’d have noticed when he was little) some kind of urinary tract abnormality ie the urethra is not where it normally would be. I think the first thing is more likely.
But in my experience boys that age can pee all over the seat sometimes even when they try not to
If he can’t retract his foreskin I’d take him to the GP. Paediatrics see boys of 11/12 etc for that issue. Sitting in a bath and trying to do it can help and there’s some other things that can help. Obviously for him to do this himself.

My son is particularly messy with weeing when he has an erection. Could this be the issue? Agree at that age Dads are the first port of call for Willy issues.

I don't have experience of this, but our 2 often seem to hold on until they're absolutely at bursting point then sprint through the house and end up sounding like someone's firing a pressure washer at full chat into the bowl. I call them the Karcher twins.

Is it maybe that he's doing something similar and can't control the pressure? Maybe if he went a bit quicker after the urge came it would be more like dealing with a garden hose than a fire hose?

My nephew had this issue and was circumcised to fix it. Definitely a trip to the GP.

I would say medical, could be a tightening of the urethra, his is flow normal? Take him a long time to pass urine

@PleasedToBeAFlower

In the short term what about providing him with a plastic jug that he can simply hold and wee into and then tip cleanly away [and rinse in sink].

Like others I suspect possibly a phimosis [perhaps long foreskin makes a spray].

Please help him to overcome any embarrassment to see GP who may refer to urology

Maybe it has already been mentioned but I’ve had boyfriends who pee sitting down when they have an erection because they can’t control where the stream goes. They also say they need to push penis down to aim it into the toilet. Maybe it’s a foreskin issue that is holding the penis at a strange angle

Poor boy! Must feel horrible for him. Definitely do some work on making him feel
koew comfortable about popping to the dr. Lots of emphasis on how grown up he’s being trying to clean up after himself and reassurance that you’d like to help make it easier for him.

I would have DH ask if he wants him to show him but not push him.

I think it’s fantastic he’s being brave enough to go to the GP!

I would be absolutely mortified having a GP looking or feeling around my genitals at 12 and I definitely wouldn’t want my mum or dad looking at my vagina or vulva at that age.

I’m glad he’s going because although it must be a pain for you and DH, I’d be more worried about him peeing at school or out and about where he needs to use urinals or toilets with things around them.

Hopefully the GP can get to the bottom of it quite quickly and without too much embarrassment!
Poor lad.

Doctor - he might be embarrassed but that won't get better as he goes through puberty and if it is something like phimosis, it's infinitely preferable to get that sorted before he starts making sexual forays.

In the meantime a couple of old fashioned pedestal mats that you wash regularly might be better than scrubbing up piss on your hands and knees!

"It sounds to be like he's trying to pee with an erection, especially as he's said it hurts to "push it down" if he pees sat down."

This was my first thought too.

has he discovered masturbation ? dried semen in the end of urethra can cause spraying which removes it according to my DH .

Poor lad! Poor you!

You could talk him through all the wonderfully dignity-abandoning things you've had to go through - I'm sure having him must have involved a few, and then there's smear tests and (possibly) coil or cap fittings...

He might feel a bit braver if he gets the picture that everyone ends up having a doctor peer interestedly at the nether regions while you sit or lie there making polite conversation about traffic or dogs or whatever.
My OH has had piles checked, a prostate exam (poor man), a bladder infection and once, memorably, epididymitis (<<< DON'T Google at work, or indeed, if eating).

The doctor will have been seeing at least one set of private parts a week, or a day, or an hour (depending on specialty!) for ten years or more. They are so far past caring they can't see it in the rear view mirror.

I have had one male friend whose foreskin was too tight and he had to have an op, but that fixed it afaik (and as he has no filter, we WOULD know lol).

Best of luck.

My DS had similar issues. He was diagnosed with hypospadia (I think that is the term) as a baby - this means his urinary tract opening is not positioned where it usually is and his foreskin is not fully formed at the bottom, presenting a bit more like a hood. His case is very mild and did not require any operation as a child. However, he started experiencing exactly what you describe from about the age of 11. He was very embarrassed about it especially at school where he needed to use urinals. At home he always sat down (no problem doing that) but there aren’t that many stalls at his school and they are apparently quite dirty.

Anyway, I got a referral from the GP for a specialist and she had a look and explained it all extremely professionally without causing him too much embarrassment. She even asked to watch him pee which he was ok with as it was the only way she could really see what was going on. In the end she just gave him some tips - one of them being don’t stop drinking fluids because you are afraid to go to the toilet as frequent urination with a full bladder helps control it.

She also checked his foreskin and see if there is anything obstructing it but it wasn’t. Definitely something to also check out.

Over the summer holiday he “practiced” and he is much better now. Btw, I went with him to the appointment and he was fine with it. I think some of this is our own embarrassment- in the end it’s a medical thing to check out and the specialists are completely used to dealing with mortified teenagers!

good luck 😊

Hello,

This sounds awful for your son and difficult for you and your husband too. Sorry to hear that.

I don’t have direct experience but I have a friend that had a tight foreskin. It negatively affected him for many years (he only had it corrected in his 40s!). It also impacted his sex life and even was painful when he got erections etc.

I’d say act quickly and have an open and frank discussion. I’m sure it is mortifying for your son and the thought of going to the drs and showing his penis must be a horrid thought, but chatting through the options, and letting him know he could show you but ultimately that wouldn’t really help as the issue is obviously medical, or he could go to the doctors and have it fixed, this would be the best option.

good luck

I had to take my 13 year old to the GP for a tight foreskin. He was mortified but he also knew it was a problem and he didn’t want to be different and have a weird penis (his words!) the gp examined him behind a curtain and I was in the room but couldn’t see.

I agree that there's possibly a foreskin problem. I recall that my uni boyfriend had to have his removed when he was about 21.

Better getting it seen to now.

I came on to say in the school where I work we sometimes put ping pong balls in the nursery toilets to help with aim, but this doesn’t sound like an aiming issue. If it’s squirting everywhere could your DS have some kind of blockage. Seeing the gp is obviously the best solution. Aw bless him the poor little chap is bound to be worried himself about what’s going on. He needs comforting not chastising. I really hope you sort it soon. 🩵