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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to see DS doing a wee?

209 replies

PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/10/2023 09:47

Does anyone out there have experience of boys unable to aim or direct their flow of urine??
My 12 year old DS cannot manage to aim in to the toilet bowl. Every time he has a wee, it goes all over the toilet lid and seat (which he has lifted up, obviously), all over the back of the hinges of the seat, down the sides of the toilet and sprays all over the floor!!!
What is going on?!
This is a new thing.
Never used to happen as a younger boy.
We've really talked to him about this as it's making the bathroom smell of urine, and we've had to throw out 2 fabric baskets that sat next to the toilet holding loo rolls, because they got entrenched in his wee and smelt of urine despite being washed.
DS is actually really embarrassed about it, he panics when it happens and is often seen wiping it all up off the floor with tissue after going to toilet, looking mortified if we see him.
He has said he hates it but that his wee 'squirts up everywhere' and he says he tries really hard but cannot control the aim.
DH gets really annoyed about it because we are forever scrubbing the toilet and floor. He's talked to him about positioning, aim, holding himself correctly, etc. DS says he does all that but the wee literally squirts up and out all over the place.
We've asked him to sit down on the toilet seat when he has a wee, but he says he can't because it hurts to push his penis down enough to stop the wee squirting on to the seat.
I feel I need to watch him have a wee so I can see what's happening but is this unreasonable at his age??
I've said to him we may need to discuss this problem with GP and he looked grief stricken!
Is there anyone with experience in this who can advise?

OP posts:
WolfFoxHare · 12/10/2023 10:54

And yes, I can understand why he might be embarrassed to go to the GP. Children often get more inhibited about their bodies when going through puberty, and let's face it, no-one loves getting their kit off in front of a stranger to have something private examined. I've had countless gynaecological examinations and I still don't like it! He's still just a child.

OP, chat with him a non-judgemental supportive way about understanding he's embarrassed, but say the GP has seen it ALL, will be very professional and matter-of-fact, and that seeing him will help resolve whatever issue is going on. Make much of your son for being brave about it.

00100001 · 12/10/2023 10:55

another vote for making him clean up the mess he makes... he might suddenly be able to aim properly

CheshireCat1 · 12/10/2023 10:56

I’d just get him checked by the GP to rule out anything medical as it’s obviously worrying both you and your son. Hope it gets sorted.

LethargicButAwesome · 12/10/2023 10:57

Of course you can watch him, hes your son - watch him, understand what he is trying to explain and speak to a medical professional - perfectly reasonable.

in the meantime try and be reassuring and hard as it is, try not getting cross. Try to clear the area around the toilet ao its just tiles that need a scrub.

my son sits down

Boredatwork1234 · 12/10/2023 10:58

Stupid question, how’s his foreskin? Can he completely retract it? Or does it balloon when he pee’s?

Lots of boys can retract their foreskin between the age of 5-10. Which is when they need to be educated to pull it back and clean properly.

Any chance you remember OP from when he was younger?

kindmama15 · 12/10/2023 11:01

This could actually be a medical condition. My son had it and had to be circumcised so it may not be his fault and he may need to see a GP especially if it’s just developed and not always been the case.

Original poster
PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/10/2023 11:01

@70sDuvet and @Moldywarpedalright
No-one is reprimanding him!
Nowhere have I said this!
I am absolutely not reprimanding him or in any way making him feel bad!
I said DH is getting annoyed about all the cleaning but I didn't say DH is getting annoyed AT OUR SON!
Of course he isn't letting DS know if he gets annoyed! And of course he's not letting him see or hear his comments! DH is being lovely and supportive towards DS about it when he talks to him about it, and he's being nothing but practical and nice about it in front of him when he cleans it up if DS is still present and asks for help.
Doesn't mean DH isn't saying TO ME when DS is out of the house "God PleasedToBeAFlower I'm getting fed up with cleaning these toilets multiple times a day!" And "I scrubbed this toilet earlier and now it's covered in wee again!" And "I've just trodden in wee!" whilst in his socks on the way out to work.
No-one, however, is reprimanding DS or treating him with anything other than love and support.
I've had some really great and helpful replies to my post, but I've had some really irritating ones too.

OP posts:
SeptemberSuns · 12/10/2023 11:03

At 12 years old this is unreasonable. He should be able to be responsible enough to pee straight!

Boredatwork1234 · 12/10/2023 11:05

SeptemberSuns · 12/10/2023 11:03

At 12 years old this is unreasonable. He should be able to be responsible enough to pee straight!

@SeptemberSuns it could be a medical issue with his foreskin. So not his fault, doesn’t sound like he’s doing it on purpose or not trying

overand · 12/10/2023 11:06

My husband says after he has orgasmed he has to sit down to wee as he can't control the stream and it goes everywhere.

If it's a recent thing and given your son's age, maybe it could be related to masterbating?

SeptemberSuns · 12/10/2023 11:06

@Boredatwork1234 it could be, but its much more likely to be irresponsibility and laziness. It sounds exactly like he's not trying.

crumblingschools · 12/10/2023 11:07

Would it be possible to go through the possible medical issues that could cause this before going to the GP (might be easier for DH to do this) so he knows what to expect and that it isn't his fault

crumblingschools · 12/10/2023 11:08

@SeptemberSuns in what way does it sound like he is not trying

Jet0301 · 12/10/2023 11:10

@MrsSkylerWhite Surely that’s a bit different? Your 12 year old son would have no reason to watch you wee - OP is his mother and is genuinely concerned that he has a medical problem.

In all honesty I would be asking my son if he would prefer you or your husband to look first - if not a GP may be necessary.

Your poor DS though, it sounds as though this is really becoming traumatic for him, I hope you get it all sorted xx

WitcheryDivine · 12/10/2023 11:10

I'd make sure he's seeing a male GP. One nice thing my mum did for me at a similar age was sign me up with a different, female GP (same practice as the family GP), on the understanding that I should be able to talk to someone in confidence about body stuff without feeling like it was all going to be reported back to my mum.

It sounds like there's quite a lot of three way chat on this with you, your husband and son. I'd try to absent myself from this and let the boys deal with it, might be that he's just really really uncomfortable discussing it with you. I wouldn't have liked in depth tampon use chat (or similar) with my mum and dad together at that age.

Question111 · 12/10/2023 11:10

It definitely may be a medical issue. My son had always had to sit down to wee. He has a tight foreskin that causes ballooning upon urinating, this means he sprays when he wees and therefore has to sit and has never stood for a wee even at 13!

HeadAgainstWall0923 · 12/10/2023 11:11

This sounds really difficult for your son and of course he’d be mortified about going to see a GP about this at his age, poor lad.

It’s really positive he’s talking to you about it though and being honest, I think you’ve taken a really good approach to him and this problem.

I agree that it’s most likely medical and hopefully when he gets to the GP he will feel more comfortable about being examined. Just reassure him that you’ll be there for the discussion but for the examination there’ll be a curtain around him so you won’t be able to see anything. I doubt a GP is going to want to be left alone in a room with a 12 year old boy for a genital examination….there may be rules about a parent needing to be present for safeguarding reasons.

Anyhow, good luck OP and I’m sure all will be fine 💐

IslandsInTheSunshine · 12/10/2023 11:11

My guess is it's one of these two things...

1 A tight foreskin which is causing an issue now he's reached puberty.

2 He's getting an erection when he touches himself, or he's already got one when he goes to the loo.

Maybe his dad can get more info from him?
I wonder if this happens as well if he's using urinals out of the house?

zozueme · 12/10/2023 11:12

SeptemberSuns · 12/10/2023 11:06

@Boredatwork1234 it could be, but its much more likely to be irresponsibility and laziness. It sounds exactly like he's not trying.

It doesn't sound like that at all. Have you even read the OP's posts?

Ivebeentogeorgia · 12/10/2023 11:15

Ah poor lad. I have an 11 yo ds who would be equally as horrified at the idea of going to the gp so I totally understand. I don’t have any experience of this issue but it does sound medical. I would book him in to see a male gp and maybe his dad goes with him if he feel embarrassed and would prefer it. I hope you get it sorted soon.

Isittimeformynapyet · 12/10/2023 11:17

IncomingTraffic · 12/10/2023 10:02

Why is grief stricken at going to the GP?

The issue is likely medical. There’s no need to feel upset or ashamed about having a medical issue.

Can you frame this positively for him instead?

Yes, WE know that, thanks. But we're not twelve year old boys are we 🙄

Ducksurprise · 12/10/2023 11:17

All these people saying make the dh go with him. He is 12, ask him who he'd rather go with him.

I understand why he feels mortified about going to the doc, it is a completely normal reaction from a 12 year old. In fact anyone. I don't believe anyone skips into a doctors office and flashes their genitals. We go because we have too.

Original poster
PleasedToBeAFlower · 12/10/2023 11:18

@SeptemberSuns
What is wrong with you?

OP posts:
silverbubbles · 12/10/2023 11:18

Well some one has got to watch him pee or examine his penis. Perhaps ask your son who he could like to confide in.

Another option could be to find info online of possible issues and perhaps he could identify which one he thinks might be his problem. It could be a useful starting point.