To ask to see DS doing a wee?

[PleasedToBeAFlower]

Does anyone out there have experience of boys unable to aim or direct their flow of urine??
My 12 year old DS cannot manage to aim in to the toilet bowl. Every time he has a wee, it goes all over the toilet lid and seat (which he has lifted up, obviously), all over the back of the hinges of the seat, down the sides of the toilet and sprays all over the floor!!!
What is going on?!
This is a new thing.
Never used to happen as a younger boy.
We've really talked to him about this as it's making the bathroom smell of urine, and we've had to throw out 2 fabric baskets that sat next to the toilet holding loo rolls, because they got entrenched in his wee and smelt of urine despite being washed.
DS is actually really embarrassed about it, he panics when it happens and is often seen wiping it all up off the floor with tissue after going to toilet, looking mortified if we see him.
He has said he hates it but that his wee 'squirts up everywhere' and he says he tries really hard but cannot control the aim.
DH gets really annoyed about it because we are forever scrubbing the toilet and floor. He's talked to him about positioning, aim, holding himself correctly, etc. DS says he does all that but the wee literally squirts up and out all over the place.
We've asked him to sit down on the toilet seat when he has a wee, but he says he can't because it hurts to push his penis down enough to stop the wee squirting on to the seat.
I feel I need to watch him have a wee so I can see what's happening but is this unreasonable at his age??
I've said to him we may need to discuss this problem with GP and he looked grief stricken!
Is there anyone with experience in this who can advise?

It sounds as though the most sensitive and helpful way forward with this would be to see the GP. I wonder whether there would be something to gain from asking the practice for an appointment with their youngest male GP. I know that all of the GPs would be great, but, for a boy of 12, it might be more comfortable to speak to a guy he perceives as being relatively close to him in age.

Your partner could go with him; it might be that letting your partner lead on this one will be helpful. I remember being in my early teens and feeling that there were things I only wanted to discuss with other women and it may be that your son will be keen to only discuss this particular problem with other males.

On a wider issue, I think that there is something good in very young men, which is what your son almost is, knowing that the way to go when something doesn't feel right is to give the GP a quick call and pop in to see him/her. Men can be more reluctant to do this and it's good if young men can start to see things differently.

I would ask the practice who their youngest male GP is and then let your partner speak to your son about making an appointment for a check-up.

As an uncircumcised male I can confirm that the direction of the first flow is uncertain but that experienced men can moderate it to a degree. However, as it's not going to be a problem in urinals but only when using a bathroom WC pan, can he not go down on one knee?, This, if he's tall enough, puts his penis much nearer the pan rim and reduces or eliminates the risk of random spraying around. As for it being painful to push his penis down to aim into the bowl when seated, I'd ask what he does to urinate when sitting to defecate? Only with a case of acute priapism would he not actually 'dangle' in the right angle!

You need to address any medical issue with GP.

Ask his dad if he can take him to the GP.

Request a male GP if he would feel comfortable.

No you can't ask to watch - if my dad had asked to watch me wee when I was 12 😨...

Hi OP, my DP sits down to wee. He's told me in the past that in order to stop it spraying everywhere when standing it's necessary to pull the foreskin back and he finds that uncomfortable so it's easier to just sit down. So if your son isn't pulling the foreskin back that could be the problem? My DP doesn't have any other issues with his foreskin as far as I know, he just finds that action uncomfortable and avoids it if he can (he's fine to do it if he has to use a urinal when out).

I'm not sure why it would be difficult to aim when sitting down though. Gravity should be helping there but perhaps he could try leaning forwards when sitting?

Hi op I had similar issues with my now teenager from around the age of 9 so maybe slightly less embarrassing at that stage to discuss genitals with mum and family doctor. His foreskin was too tight as pp have suggested as well as causing issues with peeing it was often becoming red and inflamed due to trapped urine between showers. GP referred us to children's hospital and he was prescribed a cream (can't remember the name for the life of me) to use over the course of a few months and "exercises" to do that alleviated any issues and he was eventually discharged from their care without the need for circumcision or any further treatment and he's never highlighted to me that there have been any issues since.

Poor kid, it does sound medical. Unfortunately when there is a medical issue it does require a bit more exposure than people might like.

I think you could give him a range of options and see what he is most comfortable with

• dh watches him wee
• you watch him wee
• he videos himself weeing and you have a look later when he’s not around
• you take him to GP and wait outside
• same but with dh
• male GP or female GP as he prefers

etc

I asked for replies from anyone with experience in this.

Yes, please share your stories of 12 year old boys squirting wee all over the place, i really want to watch him doing it next time

🙄

If my mum said she was watching me pee at 12 I'd lock the door and never tell her when I needed to go. Honestly.

My ex had phimosis severely and had similar issues. He was too embarrassed to ever say anything to his parents so never went to the GP (still won’t as an adult). Well done that your sons at least telling you about the issue, though I wouldn’t push watching as doubt you could help, just take him to the GP.

honestly the way mumsnetters rush to provide advice (and share stories) for someone claiming to want to watch a 12 year old pee is alarming.

wake up

Three sons here, one did have trouble with a tight foreskin although he didn't need to be circumcised in the end. I know it is embarrassing, he will feel terrible but I think it has to be done so don't watch him but do get him to the GP. It will be worth it once it is sorted out.

@Georgeandzippyzoo

Prostate

Im on the side of lots of reassurance that these things happen. Poor lad must be so embarrassed 😞

You could get a target sticker for inside toilet whilst waiting for a doctor's appointment to rule out infection etc. Always best to check.

Your a good mum OP and I hope the situation improves.

Poor boy must be mortified. The more he has to tell you the more upset he will be. He is doing his best to clear up but he is a distressed child and you are being absolutely right to help him. I would agree that he needs to see a doctor maybe he would prefer to have the examination after you see the doctor. You could wait outside the door then go in to talk to the doctor once your ds is dressed. 12 is such a sensitive age so ask him how he wants to cope with the visit while insisting that a visit must happen for his benefit. Good luck xx

This honestly does sound like a foreskin issue which won't get any better on its own. As he reaches puberty it may have got too tight, but It shouldn't be squirting all over the place and it shouldn't hurt sitting down on the loo. It seems pretty clear this is a mechanical problem from what you describe. I understand he is mortified about getting it looked at but it doesn't sound like you have much choice. If it is a foreskin issue, adult men go through hell with this sort of thing often feeling humiliated and in denial as it gradually gets tighter and tighter. Shallow as it may sound it can also be off putting to potential partners too because if it's too tight to pee properly then you probably can't clean properly underneath it either. Have you asked him if it's too tight and if he can retract it normally?

Definitely take him to the gp

I think it’s absolutely fine to help him and watch him have a wee to work out the issue. Try to make him feel comfortable with having you or your DH there. It’s just a bodily function, nothing to feel embarrassed about.

Men pee in front of each other all the time in urinals.

How is he getting on in school? Does he use the urinals there?

Yes it sounds like a tight foreskin. He needs to see the GP.

DH and DNephew had the same issue and have both been circumcised.

Does anyone else get the feeling that all the obvious and useful advice has already been given?

My DS was like this but at a younger age of 9. I didn't watch him wee and just assumed he was being lazy. Turned out that it was to do with his foreskin (symptoms escalated) starting to close over and causing a sprinkler effect. It became painful for him to wee and needed the foreskin removed.

May be a bit awkward but maybe ask him if he can pull it back whilst cleaning it ok or is it a bit sore?

You should re read the OP’s comments, you might suddenly be able to read properly.

He needs to see a gp.

this is one of the times where a child needs to do something. Even when said child is embarrassed or feels uncomfortable.

and no, you can’t ask to watch him pee. And even if you DID. What would be the point? Are you qualified to check for medical problems?

Ironically we do not always talk about willies enough. My son had some problems with his foreskin. Effectively it was stuck and unable to move. A relatively simple matter to fix, but this was not identified until he was 10. We had issues with him weeing on the floor which we thought was just carelessness but it was not. A sensitive discussion- potentially by dad is required and a medical check up.

Bless him poor mite

No I wouldn't watch him wee. I'd send him to the GP with his dad though.

I would ask to watch him wee to establish whether it looks like a medical issue. I think that is reasonable. If he absolutely can't sit down because it's painful to position right and he absolutely can't aim then I think that indicates a potential medical issues. I don't really see an issue with asking him to show you. If not me then his father if that's less embarrassing. I think it could potentially be a foreskin issue?