My 5 year old injured a child

[Soworriedtoday]

Posting for traffic. Name changed. Feeling sick.

My 5 year has injured another child at school. Other child has required urgent hospital treatment and is requiring ongoing treatment.

I don't know who the other child is and I imagine that the last thing the parents want is anything to do with us.

I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do? My child "lashed out". We are a caring family, lots of opportunities, not exposed to anything like violence or substance, travel around the world.

What do I do? Will anything happen to my child?

What did he actually do? Lash out, push, what?

You've still not said what happened though and that really will have an impact on people's advice. It's different if your son and this other boy were play fighting, pushing each other etc and your son pushed too hard and the other boy fell over and landed funny/breaking a bone rather than your son picking up a rock and smacking another kid round the head with it.

Disagree, a push from one child can easily lead to severe injuries if in the wrong place eg near a high surface or the child fell onto something sharp.

I don't think the OP is implying her child beat up another one!

My child was hurt at school a few weeks ago. Whilst the HT couldn't tell who hurt her my child told me when she got home.
So whilst you say you don't know who, your child absolutely can tell you who it was.

I expected the other parent to make contact and apologise and was actually disappointed to hear she took her kid on holiday as they were excluded for a week whilst safety measures put in place. My child was not the only one hurt in this incident, another child was stabbed.

Regardless of out of character and perhaps goaded your child has shown a reactive side to them that's not acceptable and you need to be prepared to work with the school and be responsible for their behaviour in learning right from wrong.
Time out is not enough.

Oh and apologise to the other family.

Time for an honest assessment of your child's history and parenting choices in general. Something untoward is going on. If you search, really search, you will find the problem. Pls take this opportunity and get the help your child so desperately needs. Lashing out is most certainly the culmination of far more serious problems. You know that.

I hope you can get the help your child is asking for.

If it's been a push that's sadly need in injury that's entirely different to perhaps using an object to hit the other child, more info is needed

Not really sure what you want from this thread

A five year old won’t face any criminal consequences

They might well be excluded from school.

So the kids were rough housing and one got hurt? Standard for kids I think, obviously serious injuries can accidentally happen in that situation. My daughter had her head cut open at school by a kid messing around. Shes my 3rd kid and I just brushed it off when the parents were apologising, it happens.

I don't know who child is. My child doesn't know the child's name. Much older child is what school said. So I can't understand how my child managed to hurt other child.

Few visits to hospital, not life changing. But still painful and worrying for parents.

I agree with previous posters - more context is needed. Did your child push someone and the other kid was unlucky to fall at an angle that broke a bone or something unfortunate like that, or did your child attack another child with a stapler or another piece of equipment with the explicit intention of hurting them?

@Soworriedtoday The school must investigate the incident. Has your child been sent home and excluded? Or not? Are they still in school? What has the school said to you?

The options for the school are exclusion if they believe the harm was “deliberate”. If it was an accident during play, that’s different. You need to speak to DC to get a view of circumstances. The school must act immediately if it’s an exclusion. However few children suddenly become monsters at school overnight. So has Dc always been calm? Be honest.

The other option is the school will conclude it was an accident and not deliberate. In this case Dc must become aware that play has consequences if you are not careful. It’s wrong to label a child for something unintentional. So I’d wait for the school to contact you. Hopefully the parents of the other dc will accept the findings of the investigation. It could also be a H&S issue. Was it involving play equipment? You need to understand the circumstances and remember these are 4/5 year olds .

I do get what you mean about your lifestyle but with you DC is closely monitored. Not the same as being at school.

It’s really unhelpful that you won’t say what happened..

It was rough play with a much older child.
That doesn't mean a lot though. Some parents think that a just turned 6 year old is much older than their 5.5 yer old. At age 5, my DS was the same size and the average 7-8 year old. You need to find out exactly what happened both from school and from your DS.

IF you genuinely believe it was 6 of one and half a dozen of the other, then hold off with OTT apologies for now.

So I'm assuming here (since you aren't being forthcoming) that the kids were play fighting and the other child has ended up falling awkwardly and broken a bone. If this is the case then I wouldn't worry a huge amount, some conversations about not playing rough but then move on, your child didn't intentionally hurt him.

If they were playing rough and your child got angry and smacked the kid with a heavy object and broke a bone then it would be much more serious in my eyes.

Are you frightened they will be excluded? Are you worried they'll be ostracised? It's unlikely a 5-yr-old will be excluded for an isolated incident unless it was a deliberate or prolonged attack where they also resisted staff trying to intervene. Whether or not the other DCs and parents will ostracise your DC depends on what happened. Most parents are accepting of accidental injuries during rough play. It's different if it seems deliberate.
Depending on the resources in your school, they might put processes in place to stop your DC being overwhelmed eg dropping them off directly to a teacher each morning; having a quiet room they can visit; using emotion cards to help them identify and manage their emotions.
There are good books you can get to help with this eg I Feel Angry ; I Am Stronger Than Anger. Depending on where you live there might be child meditation classes too - which are fab for teaching DCs how to self-regulate.
Also worth thinking about and role-playing different triggers with your DC. You can teach them how to respond. But also think about foods, drinks, sleep pattern - all can affect behaviour.

What does your child say what happened? Was it a punch? A shove? A hair pull?

You sound to be in shock @Soworriedtoday. I definitely wouldn’t ask for advice about something like this on aibu

I am struggling to understand how a 5 year old hurt a much older child quite so badly in any kind of premeditated attack. I mean, I can imagine something like pushing the child while he's at the top of the stairs and he stumbles down and falls and hits his head or something, sure, and that is NOT okay, but it's not quite the same as suggesting your child has been purposefully and aggressively beating up another child?

I think you need to know what happened before decisions can be taken. You should also engage with the school. One thing I will say is that you also need to advocate for your child. I bought into the primary school's "oh, you must all be nicer to each other, DS don't let them rile you up" bullshit which then culminated in a bunch of kids and a PARENT attacking him in the park. I will always regret that I didn't push back a bit harder and tell the school they needed to protect DS better in the first place.

At my kids' school someone got injured by one of the big tyres in the playground - broken leg which was probably fairly complicated. Tyre flipped onto the child's leg

My DC got hit on the head when another child ran through a door my DC was going towards to open, had concussion symptoms for a couple of weeks.

Both of these were accidents, not deliberate harm.

Fair enough, but it really doesn’t come across in your post. I hope they’re both ok.

They were playing together.

It was not intentional and my child has not been excluded.

My issue is I regard the "play" as violent and clearly the other child was hurt. I will 100% apologise to other family.

I want help to understand where the violent play came from.

Sounds something like rough play, your child has pushed the other and it's resulted in a broken arm or similar, is it that sort of thing OP?

Was there provocation? Does your child's behaviour need looking at? Is this a complete one off?

Not sure what travelling around the world has to do with it...