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Original poster

My 5 year old injured a child

384 replies

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 09:28

Posting for traffic. Name changed. Feeling sick.

My 5 year has injured another child at school. Other child has required urgent hospital treatment and is requiring ongoing treatment.

I don't know who the other child is and I imagine that the last thing the parents want is anything to do with us.

I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do? My child "lashed out". We are a caring family, lots of opportunities, not exposed to anything like violence or substance, travel around the world.

What do I do? Will anything happen to my child?

OP posts:
toappleornottoapple · 04/10/2023 10:18

My child was purposely hit with a rock by another child at school. It hit her in the face and was mm from her eye. It was a sharp rock and could have easily blinded her had it gone into her eye.

Were we upset and a little annoyed? Of course. Did we blame the other child? No. They didn't do it understanding what the consequences could be. It was a spontaneous action.

We were more annoyed at the school for not supervising the children properly.

It's awful when our children hurt others but try not to beat yourself up over it.

ColleenDonaghy · 04/10/2023 10:19

I think you're wise to be careful with the details on here tbh OP, mind yourself.

Speak to the school about what happened.

An older child shouldn't be playing rough with a younger child they don't know. I'd want to know (if possible) how that started.

Rough play can end occasionally in a more serious injury through bad luck, just the same as most falls on the football pitch will be nothing but occasionally someone will land awkwardly and break an arm (for example).

If there was no intent I wouldn't be overly concerned about your DC.

If they were fighting off an older child then I think you should be fighting their corner - if someone bigger than me was climbing all over me you can bet I'd be trying to push them off.

So many variables.

GingerIsBest · 04/10/2023 10:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

enlighten me. Tell me all the ways a five year old, at school, can purposefully and aggressively attack and very badly hurt an older child. Also, how this can happen without the school being involved and able to step in to at least try to intervene.

I'm not saying it can't happen, but it does seem to me that in most cases, a five year old is more likely to be lashing out in a moment of being overwhelmed not purposefully finding a way to hurt another child. I had to take DS to the hospital once when him and his buddy accidentally ran into each other. He had a split eye, the buddy had a bump the size of an egg on his forehead. No one accused either one of purposefully attacking the other one.

NDfamily · 04/10/2023 10:19

You 5 year old seriously injured a much older child? What on Earth did he do????

ColleenDonaghy · 04/10/2023 10:20

I don't like rough play and I discourage it, but if both kids are happily playing then it isn't anywhere near violence.

Dramatic · 04/10/2023 10:21

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 10:17

They were playing together.

It was not intentional and my child has not been excluded.

My issue is I regard the "play" as violent and clearly the other child was hurt. I will 100% apologise to other family.

I want help to understand where the violent play came from.

Show quote history

Right, well in that case it just sounds like it was an unfortunate consequence to both children playing rough. Obviously you are going to speak to your child about not playing like this anymore and I'm sure school will do the same with both children. But don't overthink it too much, he is 5, he is not going to have understood how playing like that could end with a serious injury.

ManateeFair · 04/10/2023 10:21

As others have said, this thread is absolutely pointless unless you explain exactly what happened.

First you said your child 'lashed out' but then you say it was 'rough play with a much older child'. Those are two different things.

Two kids wrestling and one of them gets an elbow in the nose during a misplaced attempt at a martial arts move - normal.

Two kids wrestling and one child gets angry and deliberately kicks the other child in the face or bites off his ear - not normal.

Claraclouds · 04/10/2023 10:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

RudsyFarmer · 04/10/2023 10:22

Legally the five year old is not responsible. They should have been adequately supervised by an adult.

Motnight · 04/10/2023 10:23

Op unless you can tell us (and of course you don't have to) what the school is saying happened you won't get useful responses.

viques · 04/10/2023 10:24

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 10:17

They were playing together.

It was not intentional and my child has not been excluded.

My issue is I regard the "play" as violent and clearly the other child was hurt. I will 100% apologise to other family.

I want help to understand where the violent play came from.

Show quote history

“ where the violent play came from”

What does your child watch on tv/ on line. Do you have older children or does he have older cousins or other family members who watch unsuitable films or games that he has seen. Children don’t make these things up in their heads, it is something he has seen , is now copying, and has had awful consequences.

GingerIsBest · 04/10/2023 10:26

Having said all that and that seriously bad, vindictive, purposeful behaviour to hurt an older child is unlikely, I'm going to slightly contradict myself by saying that it is worth thinking about how you put boundaries in place at home. eg if he's rough housing with a friend or sibling and he goes too far, are there consequences or do you just casually tell him to stop? We had a nephew who used to hurt and upset DD and would often lash out if she wasn't doing what he wanted etc but his parents just saw it as "rough play".

There were never any consequences. It took us refusing to allow it and removing DD when it happened, for him to stop doing it to her. So if you recognise any of this in yourself or your DS, that is something to consider?

ManateeFair · 04/10/2023 10:27

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 10:17

They were playing together.

It was not intentional and my child has not been excluded.

My issue is I regard the "play" as violent and clearly the other child was hurt. I will 100% apologise to other family.

I want help to understand where the violent play came from.

Show quote history

So... basically you're making a massive drama out of nothing?
Two kids were play-fighting and completely accidentally, one of them was injured. Literally happens every day.

Play-fighting, rough-housing etc is absolutely 100% normal and is not 'violence'. You are getting in a state over nothing. This won't even have been the first time your child has played like this; it's just that this was the one time when there was an accident. Have a word with your son about being careful and not getting over-excited, that's all. It's fine.

Triffid1 · 04/10/2023 10:28

ManateeFair · 04/10/2023 10:27

So... basically you're making a massive drama out of nothing?
Two kids were play-fighting and completely accidentally, one of them was injured. Literally happens every day.

Play-fighting, rough-housing etc is absolutely 100% normal and is not 'violence'. You are getting in a state over nothing. This won't even have been the first time your child has played like this; it's just that this was the one time when there was an accident. Have a word with your son about being careful and not getting over-excited, that's all. It's fine.

Show quote history

This. Also, have words with the school - rough or violent play shouldn't be taking place on the school playground. They need to be much more proactive about preventing that. Particularly between children of different ages.

storypushers · 04/10/2023 10:29

Well you clearly think you're better than anyone else so maybe this has rubbed off on your son. Ask him who he hurt, he'll know. Speak to the school about what's going to happen.

talknomore · 04/10/2023 10:29

Why much older child was in the same space as your 5yo? I am not downplaying your child's role in it but it may well be that the school broke some rules.

Claraclouds · 04/10/2023 10:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Swg · 04/10/2023 10:31

At about the same age as your child my son came home and cheerfully announced he and his friends had invented a game called “the hurting game” where you tried to withstand as much pain as possible from the others in the group. I don’t think I’ve ever moved so fast to call his teacher and the other parents involved (I seem to remember him being very sulky because BUT MUMMY BREAK IS FREE TIME AND WE CAN DO WHAT WE WANT).

Sometimes it genuinely is just kids getting an absolutely crazy idea in their heads and then propagating it with their friends. But no one can help without a better idea what happened.

lilyblue5 · 04/10/2023 10:31

I would get your child to write an apology letter to the child and drop it to school reception.
Ask for a meeting with the school to discuss what happened (why was there a fight between a 5yr old and a much older child? Your 5 year old could’ve been severely injured) who was on play duty? I’d want to know details and what school are going to prevent this happening again.
Accept that your child shouldn’t have engaged, but

lilyblue5 · 04/10/2023 10:32

Posted too soon.
At the end of the day, are only 5.
The older one should know better?

tiggergoesbounce · 04/10/2023 10:33

Without knowing its hard to say. OP i think people need mote details.

It sounds like maybe he was playing a game with an older child, the problem with them playing with older children is, that the older child can be used to playing a bit more roughly with their friends when excited, but understand when to stop and understand consequences more and involved in game play that is above the younger ones age.

It sounds like it was rough play gone wrong, which is exactly why schools dont allow it, pushing, shoving and kicking can end up in serious injury.

Has your child shown enpathy for the other child ?
Have you spoke to him about how he can make better choices ?
Spoken about appropriate play ?

I do think it sounds like you are thinking of the other family, all you can do now is follow the schools lead and if you do find out who the parents are, as you are intending, apologise.

Panicking23 · 04/10/2023 10:33

It sounds like your dramatising this OP, it sounds like an accident out of some rough play. These things happen with most children, if you don't want your child to engage in rough play put in a no contact rule and ask the school to do the same (they likely already have this rule to prevent things like this happening). By all means apologise to the other parents and child and encourage your child to do the same.

lilyblue5 · 04/10/2023 10:33

Ps by apology letter - as they are five - dictate you and them sign it.
They need to know it’s unacceptable behaviour.

ColleenDonaghy · 04/10/2023 10:33

Swg · 04/10/2023 10:31

At about the same age as your child my son came home and cheerfully announced he and his friends had invented a game called “the hurting game” where you tried to withstand as much pain as possible from the others in the group. I don’t think I’ve ever moved so fast to call his teacher and the other parents involved (I seem to remember him being very sulky because BUT MUMMY BREAK IS FREE TIME AND WE CAN DO WHAT WE WANT).

Sometimes it genuinely is just kids getting an absolutely crazy idea in their heads and then propagating it with their friends. But no one can help without a better idea what happened.

I'm sitting in the library at work and nearly laughed out loud at this.

I currently have a five year old, can fully see this happening in my house.

BeardyButton · 04/10/2023 10:34

Ok! I am ex primary teacher and I work in academic research on chn and education!

your child is 5! Developmentally he has very little ability to reason abstractly. He hasn’t a clue what he’s done really… hasn’t the ability to really understand the consequences for other child. Go easssssy on him. Scaffold him through this process. Yes! It is awful for other child and family. These. Things. Happen. All. The. Time.

I witnessed one chn break the leg of another. Complete freak accident playing chase. It was horrible for ALL involved. Making a monster out of the child that did the breaking does not help the situation one iota.