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AIBU?

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Original poster

My 5 year old injured a child

384 replies

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 09:28

Posting for traffic. Name changed. Feeling sick.

My 5 year has injured another child at school. Other child has required urgent hospital treatment and is requiring ongoing treatment.

I don't know who the other child is and I imagine that the last thing the parents want is anything to do with us.

I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do? My child "lashed out". We are a caring family, lots of opportunities, not exposed to anything like violence or substance, travel around the world.

What do I do? Will anything happen to my child?

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 06/10/2023 22:07

I’m saying it’s best to have antennae and not get near Dc you don’t know and are 4 years older. All schools can separate a single playground. I’m quite sure the DS doesn’t know these Dc but the big question is how did they surround him and why wasn’t he playing with his age group and why didn’t anyone notice?

I share the concerns of @Boomboom22 . The Dc should not have access to each other unsupervised.

m@Soworriedtoday Its a cut. Not great but a playground injury. I would now move on and try to get DS friendly with Dc who might be longer term friends.

tiggergoesbounce · 06/10/2023 23:05

I am glad you got to the bottom of it.
Pastoral care for your child to talk about emotions when picked on by a group of 9 year olds, ridiculous.
In reality, your DS did the right thing, he felt threatened amd was surrounded so he couldn't get help and made his way out the only way he felt he could. Perfectly fine, ley school follow their policy and tell him he is not in trouble at all.

Justhereforthebabynames · 07/10/2023 08:40

I think it is quite odd for a 5 year old to injure another child on purpose so badly they require multiple hospital visits to have a wound redressed. I think it strange that lots of adults think it was a good move as the child may have called him names.

Maxus · 07/10/2023 08:47

For a start you can stop making excuses such as my child is well travelled and apologise to the child and parents.

MyNumber1Rule · 07/10/2023 10:10

Maxus · 07/10/2023 08:47

For a start you can stop making excuses such as my child is well travelled and apologise to the child and parents.

Or for a start you could actually read the full thread

saraclara · 07/10/2023 10:17

Maxus · 07/10/2023 08:47

For a start you can stop making excuses such as my child is well travelled and apologise to the child and parents.

Not only have you not read the thread, you've not even read the OP's posts.

Maxus · 07/10/2023 12:07

I have read OPs post. She seems to be concerned about how travelled her kid is. Where is the empathy? Her kid hurt a child so badly they needed hospital care and continued appointments. Yet she is more concerned about herself and how it could affect her kid 😡

saraclara · 07/10/2023 12:28

Maxus · 07/10/2023 12:07

I have read OPs post. She seems to be concerned about how travelled her kid is. Where is the empathy? Her kid hurt a child so badly they needed hospital care and continued appointments. Yet she is more concerned about herself and how it could affect her kid 😡

Maybe you could read her other posts. How she has apologised to the parents via the school (which rightly has not disclosed the name of the other child, so she can't make a more personal apology). You're ignoring how horrified she is that her son has hurt this much older child. You're ignoring how she intended punishing him but the school has asked her not to. And multiple other posts where she has demonstrated empathy and deep concern.

Boomboom22 · 07/10/2023 12:32

Maxus · 07/10/2023 12:07

I have read OPs post. She seems to be concerned about how travelled her kid is. Where is the empathy? Her kid hurt a child so badly they needed hospital care and continued appointments. Yet she is more concerned about herself and how it could affect her kid 😡

The kid that stood in a group taunting an upset 5 year old? That one? Have you read the posts at all really?

Coyoacan · 08/10/2023 05:07

This is concerning about the behaviour of the other children. It doesn't seem typical to me for a group of 9 year olds to surround and taunt a 5 year old

Yeap. Normally the older children are kept away from the younger ones because they can be too boisterous and hurt the little ones by accidents but not because of the risk of bullying.

In my dgd's school, the big children are very protective of the little ones.

Goldbar · 08/10/2023 06:41

It sounds like the 9yo was a victim of their own stupidity and bullying behaviour.

I really wouldn't worry about this any more beyond making sure that your 5yo is ok and being appropriately cared for at school so won't be put in this situation again.

TizerorFizz · 08/10/2023 10:13

@Coyoacan Its still good practice to zone play areas according to age. You should monitor the effectiveness of doing this and certainly schools should be aware not all Dc are suitable to play with much younger ones.

Grandmanetty · 09/10/2023 10:25

You need to talk to the school straight away and the parents of the child may pay you a visit. Most importantly you must talk to your DS. Find out why he reacted in this way. It seems strange it came out of the blue. Was it a result of something ongoing you did not know about. My DS, normally a very quiet shy child, once knocked a boys 2 front teeth out. Turned out he had suffered 2 terms of bullying due to being the only child in class with glasses!

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 09/10/2023 10:57

Soworriedtoday · 06/10/2023 06:41

Thank you to everyone who has commented. I am over the initial shock. I am still very sorry for the other child because no one should get hurt. However I have now spoken to my own child and the school.

My child is a normal sized 5 year old. My child does not know the name of the other child. I have found out through school that other child is 9 years old, but nothing more in terms of name etc.

On the day of the incident, my child was upset in the playground about something unrelated and got teary. A group of 9 year olds surrounded my child. There was a lot of name calling and taunting.

My child got more and more upset. The ring leader got in his face and my child lashed out, and injured the other child. I'm not excusing my child's behaviour but I now have some context.

School has investigated. I was informed. School is not punishing my child. School have asked me not to carry out punishment at home about something which happened at school. They have a great pastoral care and my child is spending some class time (not lunch time) with the person who does role play and talks about emotions.

I am teaching my child to walk away from situations like this, but in this case my child was surrounded by a group. I can only imagine how threatened my child must have felt.

So a bully got thier cumuppance? Damn right there should be no punishment.

Annemaria · 09/10/2023 11:02

I understand your distress, but I would worry about my child’s reaction: was it self defence? Was he/she provoked beyond endurance? I was bullied at school and could happily have murdered the bullies. Has your child talked about how he/she felt about the injured child?

Original poster
Soworriedtoday · 09/10/2023 12:52

Grandmanetty · 09/10/2023 10:25

You need to talk to the school straight away and the parents of the child may pay you a visit. Most importantly you must talk to your DS. Find out why he reacted in this way. It seems strange it came out of the blue. Was it a result of something ongoing you did not know about. My DS, normally a very quiet shy child, once knocked a boys 2 front teeth out. Turned out he had suffered 2 terms of bullying due to being the only child in class with glasses!

I'm so sorry for what your DS had to go through.

School will not disclose other DC's name. I apologised initially to the parents through school. My DC does not know other DC's name.

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 09/10/2023 12:55

Soworriedtoday · 09/10/2023 12:52

I'm so sorry for what your DS had to go through.

School will not disclose other DC's name. I apologised initially to the parents through school. My DC does not know other DC's name.

Show quote history

You can’t do anymore than that. I’d let it go now.

TizerorFizz · 09/10/2023 15:29

No parent should be visiting another parent. This is a school matter and should be handled by the school. It should now be put to bed.

Playingintheshadow · 09/10/2023 20:56

The other parents should quite frankly be apologising to you and your son!

The bully got what he deserved.

TizerorFizz · 10/10/2023 07:37

No they should not. The school should be operating it’s policy on behaviour and bullying. This doesn’t involve parents.

Playingintheshadow · 10/10/2023 23:37

TizerorFizz · 10/10/2023 07:37

No they should not. The school should be operating it’s policy on behaviour and bullying. This doesn’t involve parents.

The OP has had the decency to apologise via the school. I see no reason why the other parents couldn't do the same.

But you need to be a person who has manners to think that way.

junbean · 10/10/2023 23:45

I don't have a lot of sympathy for bullies, and I believe their parents should be doing the discipline. When my child has defended herself I stood up for her and. ever discouraged her from doing the same. I teach to walk away too but that doesn't always work. It doesn't sound like your child was in the wrong, and you're doing what you should to help him learn when to walk away. Sometimes fighting back is the only way to make them stop.

TizerorFizz · 11/10/2023 00:32

@Playingintheshadow All schools have policies on bullying and behaviour. The school should follow these and so should parents accept them. It is nothing to do with manners. OP had no idea who Dc was (although it might become obvious) and should not approach his parents. The school might not pass on any apology in the circumstances. If the DS had been taunted and got upset because he’s 5, why is it good manners for his mum to apologise? Since when should the mother of a taunted/bullied child apologise? What policy suggests that as a way forward? In these circumstances it’s clearly a school matter. How the school deal with the older Dc is down to them and also the 5 year old. As it appears there’s no further action for the OPs DC, that’s the end of it.

Mydogmybestfriend · 11/10/2023 00:47

This is sad I hope your child and the other are okay.

Subforsupper · 11/10/2023 04:53

Can I ask, you have mentioned ‘travel around the world’ in your OP. I can’t really see how this is relevant unless this was a racist attack? Was the child of a different background to yours? Which night shed some light on how this just came out of nowhere