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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My 5 year old injured a child

384 replies

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 09:28

Posting for traffic. Name changed. Feeling sick.

My 5 year has injured another child at school. Other child has required urgent hospital treatment and is requiring ongoing treatment.

I don't know who the other child is and I imagine that the last thing the parents want is anything to do with us.

I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do? My child "lashed out". We are a caring family, lots of opportunities, not exposed to anything like violence or substance, travel around the world.

What do I do? Will anything happen to my child?

OP posts:
Original poster
Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 10:59

All school have said is "much older child". My DC is a normal 5 year old, not big or tall. Not sure why they would be playing together in the first place.

I have requested meeting with school.

OP posts:
InTheRainOnATrain · 04/10/2023 11:00

From the little information you do have I would not assume he’s been violent. Speak to the school, don’t just jump to conclusions. Then go from there.

Vistada · 04/10/2023 11:01

We are a caring family, lots of opportunities, not exposed to anything like violence or substance, travel around the world.

sorry but i eye rolled so fucking hard at this

Takeabreather23 · 04/10/2023 11:01

Has your child been bullied and this has been a “he snapped moment”
Have you spoken to
your son does he speaks to you ?
Do you ask about his day , how he’s feeling ?

Does he watch stuff online that’s too
old for him, play adult games online or watch adult fills with violence ?

I don’t think you sound like your better than anyone or not worried for the other child quite the opposite . You sound in shock and trying to figure out where this has came from .

Dramatic · 04/10/2023 11:02

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 10:57

I am not being evasive. I have not had any more information from school.

My child has not been punished.

I know that the 2 children were playing, that's all.

I am shocked that my child was playing violently. I don't want this to happen again clearly, it could have been worse.

Just because the child was injured doesn't mean the play was "violent" it could easily have been an awkward fall.

Dramatic · 04/10/2023 11:03

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 10:59

All school have said is "much older child". My DC is a normal 5 year old, not big or tall. Not sure why they would be playing together in the first place.

I have requested meeting with school.

I think this is a good idea, it will at least put your mind at rest about the whole thing.

Original poster
Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 11:03

Takeabreather23 · 04/10/2023 11:01

Has your child been bullied and this has been a “he snapped moment”
Have you spoken to
your son does he speaks to you ?
Do you ask about his day , how he’s feeling ?

Does he watch stuff online that’s too
old for him, play adult games online or watch adult fills with violence ?

I don’t think you sound like your better than anyone or not worried for the other child quite the opposite . You sound in shock and trying to figure out where this has came from .

I am in shock, trust me. We are gentle parents, lots of positive reinforcement.

i'll wait to hear back from school.

OP posts:
Molly54320 · 04/10/2023 11:05

It’s doesn’t seem your kid was being violent -
my nephew broke his foot while playing with cousins. They weren’t being violent - they were learning to roll poly and one of them landed on top of him! It was just an awkward angle.

ididntwanttodoit · 04/10/2023 11:10

Very sorry to hear this has happened, OP. If it was rough play with an older child, like you say, then the older child must bear part of the responsibility. Young children can lose the rag momentarily if they are feel they are under threat themselves. Why don't you pass a message through the school saying how sorry and upset you are over the incident, and ask if parents would like to meet. Then the ball is in their court.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 04/10/2023 11:10

I’m surprised there hasn’t been any form of exclusion. That could have been up to a 5 day term. There should have been some form of consequence.

EandKDJ · 04/10/2023 11:12

It's difficult to comment without knowing the details. If the accident happened as a result of playing a bit too roughly then I don't think that your son was in the wrong. If your son was fighting however I would be disciplining him and nipping this behaviour in the bud.

Justhereforthebabynames · 04/10/2023 11:12

It's impossible to comment on this because there isn't enough information, understandably as you don't want it to be identifiable. It could have just been an unfortunate accident. It could have been rough playing getting too rough but still an accident. It could have been deliberate. The likelihood is it was some form of accident. The school would have given you more details if they thought your child deliberately and seriously hurt another child. I would try not to worry too much until you know the details.

ColleenDonaghy · 04/10/2023 11:14

If the school hasn't punished him, then presumably they don't think he did anything wrong. Sounds like you need to relax a bit - rough play is very normal at this age, even if you don't like it.

It absolutely is not violent, and tbh saying it is diminishes real violence.

Psychonabike · 04/10/2023 11:15

Honestly, I think you are being a bit over the top about this.

Sounds like there was some physical play, perhaps that your child objected to, and one child got injured. Any child can tumble, fall, trip in the context of physical play and cut themselves or break something. A fall on the outstretched hand is enough to break a wrist, so it doesn't always take much.

The school have contacted you to make you aware, but not indicated that your child was at fault. I expected that they highlighted the "much older child" to let you know they don't consider this the responsibility of your 5 year old.

You seem to be the one calling it violence and laying blame on your child, and getting into defensive mode (which make you sound a bit superior) talking about contacting the parents etc.

Take a breath for goodness sake. Let it go. Let the school handle it.

housethatbuiltme · 04/10/2023 11:16

How where they injured.

When I was in school the top boy who was a perfect record, well behaved, A student blinded a girl. At the time it was really common for kids to take the balls out of mice in the computer lab and lob them down the long straight corridors to see who could throw them furthest. School cottoned on and glued the mice shut so people started throwing other things (ball from brain lickers where most popular).

Anyway he threw a battery he found full force down an empty corridor, right as she rounded the corner and it hit her in the eye. It was an utterly stupid game to be playing but a pure (if not completely idiotic) accident with no intent to hurt anyone.

Shocked everyone.

So I do believe severe permanent damage can occur quickly and stupidly as it happened in my experience.

There was also the legend of the girl pushed at the top off a small flight of 6 steps that went through the window at the bottom, severing an artery. Didn't witness that but everyone knew the story.

I'm not sure what the outcome was in either case though.

I was beaten badly by a girl at school and rushed to hospital with head injuries. That resulted in her being charged with GBH and the threat of an attempted murder charge (I think that was more the police trying to 'scare her straight') but that was very much a willful assault not an accident so completely different to the above one I think.

BoohooWoohoo · 04/10/2023 11:18

Just because 2 children were playing together and the other got hurt, it doesn't mean that your son was violent.

Playfighting is a normal developmental phase and saying don't do it isn't going to work really.

When you go to school, don't repeat the stuff in your OP about being a good family because you travel etc Find out the facts and how the other boy is because chances are, this is an accident and your son hasn't been violent.

Peachonthebeach · 04/10/2023 11:24

My child at 5 was clawed badly on the face by another five year old and still has the scar as a teen…
at the time I was mostly concerned about how it had been allowed to happen at school , that was my main concern , what was going on with the supervision. I imagine that’s what school will be looking at but as a parent I just accepted that they’re small kids and sometimes do unfathomable things. It happens.

Webex · 04/10/2023 11:24

This sounds very melodramatic to be honest. I'm sure it's stressful to deal with but you seem to be catastrophising a bit. My niece broke her collar bone at school when she was 5 when her little pal pushed her off the monkey bars. The girls are still friends 6 years on! Nobody particularly blamed the pusher's parents!

DancesWithDucks · 04/10/2023 11:26

This happened to my child - urgent hospital visit, potentially life threatening, a week off school and to be careful for several months. (It has all come good).

The other mother was devastated. She reached out to us, told us how horrified she and her son were, and asked if there was anything she could do. She got him a present too, tgat her son gave to mine when he was back at school.

I really appreciated that she'd reached out, and so did my injured son. She was very apologetic, but no matter what anyone says, children are not fully rounded, perfectly controlled small adults, some are more explosive tjan others and things can happen.

You -might- get an earful or a frozen response. But I know that it made things better for me that the other mother reached out. I appreciated it.

DoraSpenlow · 04/10/2023 11:27

ididntwanttodoit · 04/10/2023 11:10

Very sorry to hear this has happened, OP. If it was rough play with an older child, like you say, then the older child must bear part of the responsibility. Young children can lose the rag momentarily if they are feel they are under threat themselves. Why don't you pass a message through the school saying how sorry and upset you are over the incident, and ask if parents would like to meet. Then the ball is in their court.

The OP has already done this.

plumtreebroke · 04/10/2023 11:27

Tried and convicted (by his mum!) before he even gets a chance to say what happened.

I got into trouble at that age for 'fighting', me and a boy in the class were strength testing by arm wrestling (classic put your elbows on the table clasp hands and try to force the other persons hand down), no one was hurt just having fun. We both got sent to the headmaster, terrifying at the time.

Mummyofbananas · 04/10/2023 11:28

It doesn't sound like he's been violent from the information given- I have two sons 5 and 8 and they play like little puppies rolling around and very physical- it's very possible it's just been an accident with play that got a little bit too rough.

babyproblems · 04/10/2023 11:33

If I was in you shoes I would be asking the school for a full rundown of the incident ad also asking my child what on earth went on. I would make contact with the other child’s parents’ maybe with assistance from the school and I would send a card from my child apologising for the incident and saying get well soon. Were the children friends before this incident?? I would tread carefully and read the other parents and base my reaction on that. I’d see if the school were going to put anything in place etc and follow that.

I don’t think a child would just lash out violently without any precedent or without some provocation - I’d be wondering what caused this and who was supervising them?? The most ‘sudden’ injury I could conjure up would be being pushed off something high or having something thrown at them but surely they would have had some supervision and it must’ve come from a disagreement of some kind prior to the incident? Keep calm op, xxx

babyproblems · 04/10/2023 11:38

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 10:00

It was rough play with a much older child. So maybe provoked. Not downplaying it at all. My child should not have engaged.

Show quote history

If it was rough play I don’t know if you could really accuse your child of violent behaviour- that’s just an accident! If he was being wound up and play fighting etc I’d be asking who was supervising and where were they when this was escalating..? Does your son understand a delayed time out? That seems not a great punishment option to me. I’d forget punishment in this case as the moment has gone and I’d be explaining the consequences of this actions and making him reach out and apologise himself. That would be enough in my opinion to make him see the seriousness of his actions. But I would be asking questions about supervision.. I wouldn’t call this a deliberate injury if it was rough play but it’s not acceptable and has ended badly that’s for sure. It’s not the end of the world though x

oakleaffy · 04/10/2023 11:41

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