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AIBU?

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Original poster

My 5 year old injured a child

384 replies

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 09:28

Posting for traffic. Name changed. Feeling sick.

My 5 year has injured another child at school. Other child has required urgent hospital treatment and is requiring ongoing treatment.

I don't know who the other child is and I imagine that the last thing the parents want is anything to do with us.

I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do? My child "lashed out". We are a caring family, lots of opportunities, not exposed to anything like violence or substance, travel around the world.

What do I do? Will anything happen to my child?

OP posts:
Justaredherring · 04/10/2023 11:47

Octonaut4Life · 04/10/2023 09:49

Come on - it's easy for a child to do something careless that can cause serious injury to another child. When I went to pick up my DS from preschool yesterday he was so excited to see me he threw the (heavy) toys he was holding backwards over his head and narrowly missed hitting another child in the head. Obviously as they get older they should become more careful but it's totally possible something non malicious or something that wouldn't normally be a huge deal could cause a serious injury. In this instance for example if one child gives another child a small shove but the other child is near the top of some steps and loses their balance, then what would often be a minor act of 'lashing out' could become more serious.

OP I think it will be hard for people to help without slightly more detail. Was your child the sole cause of the injury? Have you spoken to your child about what happened?

I agree with this. OP you must be feeling terrible but wait and see what the school has to say. You ask whether anything will happen to your child. They are so little and it sounds like there’s no history of problem behaviour. I imagine the school will want to be supportive of all concerned to seek to ensure this doesn’t happen again

Hankunamatata · 04/10/2023 11:47

Kids break bones amd have head injuries. The number of times staff have to tell kids not to pick each other up or do piggy backs in playground is unreal. Same with pushing and shoving.

LuvSmallDogs · 04/10/2023 11:47

I could see how rough play might go wrong and cause injury without any intent of it. Balls get accidentally stomped/kneed while wrestling = testicular torsion, head bangs on something hard on the way down = concussion/busted nose/stitches.

I understand you're shaken and upset, but try to stay calm until you get the details.

EarringsandLipstick · 04/10/2023 11:48

Justhereforthebabynames · 04/10/2023 11:12

It's impossible to comment on this because there isn't enough information, understandably as you don't want it to be identifiable. It could have just been an unfortunate accident. It could have been rough playing getting too rough but still an accident. It could have been deliberate. The likelihood is it was some form of accident. The school would have given you more details if they thought your child deliberately and seriously hurt another child. I would try not to worry too much until you know the details.

All of this - I can't imagine your 5 year old did anything intentionally violent; it was surely an accident, that has unfortunately led to an injury for the other child. I'm a bit perplexed why you are so upset / worried, if there genuinely is no background or problematic behaviour. I have 3 DC, all of them (the boys in particular) have been injured, sometimes requiring hospitalisation, as a result of unintentional injury when playing. My middle DS had a serious head wound, caused by 2 other boys chasing him in the playground, tripping and inadvertently pushing my DS into the corner of a wall. They were going so fast that he hit the wall with an impact, and was rushed to hospital, kept in as head injury and needed two surgeries. I was just grateful for the care the school took and didn't ever think anyone was to blame. One of the other little boys (they were 5) was actually really upset after it, feeling it was his fault.

The point being - these things do happen; it's terrible for the other child of course but it surely isn't anything deliberately done by your DS?

oakleaffy · 04/10/2023 11:49

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Justaredherring · 04/10/2023 11:49

Ps Btw a younger child (deliberately but in play) pulled my older child off a climbing frame the other day. No malice from anyone but unfortunately my child landed on their head. Lots of tears but luckily ok. These things do happen. It could have been much much worse

fuckssaaaaake · 04/10/2023 11:50

This reply has been deleted

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My nephew at 5 pushed my son and cracked his head open on a hard floor. As if it's that hard to believe. God some people on here really really want to find trolls. Weird

LongLizStridesAgain · 04/10/2023 11:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

oakleaffy · 04/10/2023 11:54

fuckssaaaaake · 04/10/2023 11:50

My nephew at 5 pushed my son and cracked his head open on a hard floor. As if it's that hard to believe. God some people on here really really want to find trolls. Weird

Show quote history

There have been lots of disappearing threads of this nature- usually featuring an aggressive child who hurts others.

SoftSheen · 04/10/2023 11:55

Very much depends on the circumstances.

When they were both 5, a boy in my son's class lost his temper with a tennis racket and threw it, hitting another boy in the face and leading to A&E and stitches. Whilst this was certainly very poor behaviour, there was no intention to hurt the other child. Young children can be impulsive and can't always predict the results of their actions.

stayathomer · 04/10/2023 12:00

oakleaffy

I’m hoping this is another post that will be deleted.
It sounds very unlikely.

A 5 yr old hospitalising an older child?

Must be a very strong, aggressive child.

Maybe it should train as a boxer.
Are you joking? My son had stitches tripping in the playground, all it takes is a push, or them hitting at each other with sports equipment? Easy for children to end up in hospital! Especially at the age of 5. There’s some crazy stuff on this thread but more from posters than the op!!!

Leah5678 · 04/10/2023 12:02

I only read up to page three so if there's more context I missed I apologise.
Based on what I read the older child shouldn't of been rough housing a five year old. I'm thinking the older kid should of known better and this isn't all your son's fault

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 04/10/2023 12:02

Jesus Christ, overreaction much?

It sounds like the kids were playing and one has fallen and broken a bone. Happens all the time. Hardly warrants all this navel gazing into where you went wrong.

And the school should have been supervising or not letting a 'much older child' into the infants playground.

horseyhorsey17 · 04/10/2023 12:03

My son had his teeth smacked out with a baseball bat by a little sh!t from his school. It was actually at Cubs though and not in the playground, so the school didn't get involved. Wasn't deliberate (or so I was told) but the little sh!t and his horrific parents laughed about it afterwards and said my son had 'learned a lesson' and not only did they not apologise - to either my child or me - but the revolting sad sack of a mother avoided me completely in the playground after that. She would scuttle off if she saw me coming. If it had been my child, I would have been mortified and would have offered to pay for any dental treatment. But some people are just vile.

So there are unlikely to be any major consequences, schools don't seem to like to get involved more than they absolutely have to anyway.

Piglet89 · 04/10/2023 12:04

@Soworriedtoday gentle parenting just doesn’t work with every kid.

some kids need a firmer hand.

SJM1988 · 04/10/2023 12:07

Its a bit hard to comment and very dependent on circumstances but 5 year old play fight even if not exposed to it at home. Its natural.

If it's an accident (which is implied as the school haven't punished your child) then stop worrying about it. These things are going to happen. My 6 year old (year 1) mixes with the year 5 and year 6 kids all the time at school and accidents happen. We haven't had anything serious but there are several situations where if play fighting at the wrong time would result in a broken bone or something similar. The teachers can't stop everything all the time or predict every scenario.

This week the year 1 boys have decided to practice rugby tackling....evident from the covered in mud clothes that are coming home (and from talking to the kids and other parents). It could end in injury yes but also so far noone has been hurt

SleepyJim · 04/10/2023 12:09

What exactly did your child do?

CowboyJoanna · 04/10/2023 12:12

Get off your high horse. Stop "not my son"-ing.
Your child is a bully.
Buck your ideas up, be a parent, and discipline before he ends up in prison.

Wheresmypal · 04/10/2023 12:14

The drama!

Kids play. Sometimes a child gets hurt. Play fighting is normal. Sometimes a kid gets hurt.

All the dramatic responses on page 1!

Unless more details emerge there is no reason to think there is anything more to this than an unfortunate accident.

Spirallingdownwards · 04/10/2023 12:19

If you look back at all your posts you seem to be looking for excuses as to why your child did this, suggesting the other child must have done something or provoked them. I think you have to accept it has happened and that your child did whatever they did. It doesn't matter if you are the most genteel of people and whether they are the best brought up child in the world these things happen.

It sounds as though the school has put it down to rough play rather than an attack, although I am unsure why you originally said your child lashed out which suggests they did so with purpose.

I think perhaps drop a note to the parents via the school (leave it open so school can read it) just apologising that their child was harmed and that your child is sorry too.

If it is a one off incident it won't be mentioned again.

Goldbar · 04/10/2023 12:20

Kids can be silly sometimes and accidents happen.

It could have been your child who was hurt, it so happens that this time it was the other child.

There is no need for all this naval-gazing and upset. Just apologise to the parents for your DC's role in what happened and buy the injured child a gift. And use this to teach your child why horseplay often isn't such a good idea. It is very unlikely that you are raising a violent monster on the back of one unfortunate incident.

CwmYoy · 04/10/2023 12:22

If there is a considerable age difference I wonder if OP's DS was defending himself from a stronger boy and lashed out in fear.

Crazyjanes · 04/10/2023 12:23

you are doing the right thing. Rough play can get out of hand. Who knows who provoked who. Who knows if it was a playful shove that led to the other kid tripping and hitting his head. You’ve talked to your son, you’ve reached out to the school and other parents to try and get to the bottom of it. Thats all you can do for now. If anyone is going to get in serious trouble for it, it would be the school for allowing it to happen.

As an aside, a friend of mine has a little boy that my DS has played with since they were toddlers. He’s a lovely mild mannered little boy. Once he started school he started getting overwhelmed and lashing out at other kids and hitting them for no reason. Turns out he has ASD and didn’t cope with school and the changes there well at all. Any chance this could be similar?

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 12:24

No one can answer without more details. It only takes one tackle going badly to send another child crashing and smashing their face on the playground, with the injuries you can imagine.

Not exactly the same as going for another child armed with a baseball bat.

What you are supposed to do is ask the school for details, "lash out' doesn't explain anything who, why, where and only then go from there!
Also talk with your own child to have his own version.

Mikimoto · 04/10/2023 12:25

Hurting a "much bigger child"? Could only imagine it was something like a stroppy push that went wrong, and older child fell of bench/down stairs/hit head, etc.