Pregnant and don’t want to host in-laws-advice needed!

Op001 · 2023-10-02T09:33:09+00:00

I am 18 weeks pregnant and don’t feel up to hosting overnight guests. Have placenta previa so supposed to be resting up. DH is pushing for in-laws to stay for a weekend which is causing a lot of arguments. They have offered to come for just a day but DH not happy with this-accused me of not wanting him to spend time with his parents. Suggestion of take away for dinner and then pub lunch led to another fight as DPs family are very “foodie”. sick of arguing and stressing about it but don’t want to give in as it will be exhausting and the next pressure will be to host Xmas.

gerrithedom · 02/10/2023 10:37

Is he offering to do all of the prep/cooking/cleaning?

ilovesooty · 02/10/2023 10:39

He can host them then. You can decline to have anything to do with it.

Whataretheodds · 02/10/2023 10:42

Agree with both posters above.

"Yes of course dear that will be lovely. You know where the cleaning gear, and spare bedding and towels are. Let me know what time you'll plan to have dinner ready so I can be up from my nap."

towriteyoumustlive · 02/10/2023 10:42

YABU.

Let them come round, and your DH will have a lovely time cooking for them!

Just put your feet up, let him do EVERYTHING, and his parents can help.

44PumpLane · 02/10/2023 10:44

I don't see the problem in HIM hosting them.

He can change the bedsheet, do the shopping and cooking and cleaning and hosting.....or is it that he's annoyed that YOU are not up for all the hard work while he gets to swan about pouring the occasional glass of wine and feeling like a hero "hosting" his parents?

YANBU to opt out of the work involved.

Original poster

Op001 · 02/10/2023 10:44

He’s away working until the morning they arrive so the beds, laundry cleaning are on me. He’ll do the cooking. They also have a history of arriving early and staying longer than stated. I do want them to come but don’t see why it can’t be for the day. They live 2 hrs drive away

OP posts:

CherieBabySpliffUp · 02/10/2023 10:44

Don't host then, let him do everything.

Colourfulponderings · 02/10/2023 10:45

Agree with PP, make it clear that you won’t be covering the extra load but I think not letting them come overnight is a bit mean. DH should definitely do all the hosting plus a breezy ‘help yourself to anything you might need while you’re here’.

Thehop · 02/10/2023 10:47

He re arranges for a weekend he's at home to do the graft. Or he gets it all ready before he goes: problem solved.

Whataretheodds · 02/10/2023 10:47

He’s away working until the morning they arrive so the beds, laundry cleaning are on me. ask him what he plans to do about that, and how he will manage he risk of overstaying.

DisforDarkChocolate · 02/10/2023 10:49

You don't need to do any solving. Say know, grey rock any follow up he has. Cheeky fecker wanting to host when you do all the preparation!

Mamatolittleboy · 02/10/2023 10:51

He sounds unsupportive. I would ask DH if they could stay in a hotel over night as you’re not up to having people around the whole weekend when you need to rest up. He can meet them for lunch and they can come over in the evening and DH can make dinner? Tell them once you’re feeling better they can stay at your house but right now you need space to rest

SisterMichaelsHabit · 02/10/2023 10:51

Op001 · 02/10/2023 10:44

He’s away working until the morning they arrive so the beds, laundry cleaning are on me. He’ll do the cooking. They also have a history of arriving early and staying longer than stated. I do want them to come but don’t see why it can’t be for the day. They live 2 hrs drive away

So if he insists they're coming, let them come to a dirty house without fresh beds and make it really clear that he's to sort it when he gets back. Let them see what a lazy entitled sod they have raised who thinks it's your job to host his parents.

Blough · 02/10/2023 10:54

If he’s working till the morning of when they’d arrive, he can sort their beds and the extra food etc. before work, of course. ‘Can’t you do it?’ ‘No thank you, I need rest.’

Brefugee · 02/10/2023 10:59

Op001 · 02/10/2023 10:44

He’s away working until the morning they arrive so the beds, laundry cleaning are on me. He’ll do the cooking. They also have a history of arriving early and staying longer than stated. I do want them to come but don’t see why it can’t be for the day. They live 2 hrs drive away

Nope. Just leave it all too him.

Because it would be unfair not to "let" him have his family visit. But you're on bed rest so take no part in the orep

thecatsthecats · 02/10/2023 11:04

Op001 · 02/10/2023 10:44

He’s away working until the morning they arrive so the beds, laundry cleaning are on me. He’ll do the cooking. They also have a history of arriving early and staying longer than stated. I do want them to come but don’t see why it can’t be for the day. They live 2 hrs drive away

Nah.

He's away working until the morning they arrive, so he has to sort out beds, laundry etc beforehand, or during the day when he gets back.

Mind you, I'd take this as a warning sign that your needs won't be his priority post-birth. Pleasing his parents will be.

My sister ended up with a disastrously bad postnatal mental health score because her twatty husband insisted that "everything run as normal". My husband is already taking notes on days to avoid for the baby blues, and how to support me during early visits etc.

At the bare minimum, he should be doing that for the baby's sake let alone yours, because the best thing for the baby is usually a well-supported mum.

towriteyoumustlive · 02/10/2023 11:07

Op001 · 02/10/2023 10:44

He’s away working until the morning they arrive so the beds, laundry cleaning are on me. He’ll do the cooking. They also have a history of arriving early and staying longer than stated. I do want them to come but don’t see why it can’t be for the day. They live 2 hrs drive away

Beds, laundry and cleaning are NOT on you. You are not well and need to rest.

His family, he wants them to visit, so he can do it the morning he gets back. Just get the sheets out and place them on the bed, he can make the beds and clean, then do the laundry afterwards.

TastingSinister · 02/10/2023 11:11

Just get the sheets out and place them on the bed

Why?

Does OPs husband not know where to find sheets?

Firebug007 · 02/10/2023 11:16

Tbh I'd be honest and agree that you don't want to see in-laws 🤷‍♀️ it's ok to not want to see them, if your DH does then he can entertain and do whatever the hell he likes while you rest 💐

GingerIsBest · 02/10/2023 11:21

I think you are being a bit precious BUT I also think that if he feels so strongly, he should be doing the work to make sure things are ready. If he's away for work before they arrive, then he can bloody well sort their bedroom out etc before he goes - it's not going to get dirty in a few days. He can do the online shopping and meal planning etc.

Also, if you're pregnant and tired, you should be able to say, "have lovely afternoon everyone, I'm off to have a nap" and disappear upstairs with a tablet/your book etc.

But unless there's some big backstory about how MIL hates you and is always really rude and mean, I don't think a blanket no is fair.

MoonShinesBright · 02/10/2023 11:41

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HamstersAreMyLife · 02/10/2023 11:43

Why cant you just sort laundry and cleaning together before they arrive? It doesn't matter if the clean sheets are not freshly on. This is how we would approach it, DH would try and avoid it but this is what I would make work so it doesn't get left to me and family don't feel unwelcome.

WetBandits · 02/10/2023 11:51

Can’t he just change the sheets on the spare bed before he goes off to work? He could stash the laundry in your bedroom or wherever it won’t be on display and then tackle it on his return. The clean sheets won’t suddenly be festering within a few days if they haven’t been slept in. And not sure why you’d have to do ‘extra’ cleaning to host guests unless your house is not usually clean?

He’s already said he will do all the cooking/hosting. You would just happen to be there too.

GodspeedJune · 02/10/2023 11:53

Can you talk to them directly?

Say that you’re looking forward to seeing them but feeling pretty tired with pregnancy so a daytime visit works best for you. You’re both going to need to speak up for what works for you as a family once baby is here, so now is a good time to set that in motion.

If your DH is insistent that he wants to see them for longer than a day he can go to their house and leave you to rest.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 02/10/2023 11:54

Of course I'm not stopping you from seeing your parents. If you want them to come that's fine. But you know I'm under orders to rest so you will have to do everything.
I am not willing to risk losing our baby so everything will be down to you. Actually I'm looking forward to being waited on whilst putting my feet up. Fancy practising before they get here? I'd love a cuppa & what are you making for dinner?