DH says women don't have hobbies

[EasierThanTherapy]

DH just went to play video games (again) and I commented on it in jest. Got us into a conversation about hobbies. He has a lot. I have none but it was my new year resolution to "find one"

He just said me doing have found one is evidence of what he always thought that women's minds don't lend themselves to hobbies and that old as time women have told men to stop their hobbies and its because we don't understand having proper interests

I argued that the reason I and some women don't have them is too busy putting everyone else first...I work full time, have kids, etc

He said that's bollocks and if women wanted to play sports/chess/video games (as he does)....

He's talking bollocks right? But I don't know why I haven't found my "thing" as I guess I could just leave the house one evening

Would be interested in thoughts.

He’s chatting bollocks. I have loads of hobbies. Far more than DH

Ridiculous. I play sports every day.

I have tonnes of hobbies as has my dad. My DH has only a couple like my mam. On my empirical evidence what your DH says is bollocks.

Well I run, go to the gym, play with a local band, crochet, paint ..... and I'm a woman 😁

Of course he is talking bollocks. I play sports, cycle, got to the gym, walk hills with my dogs, cook for the hell of it, read, occasionally sew, and my biggest hobby - reading MN

Of course women have hobbies.
Its also true that many don't have time for them.... often due to being Default Parent or not wanting to live in a shithole.

He appears to be basing his theory on him having big manly bollocks instead of actual research or 5 mins of googling

I mean the WI is the fairly obvious long standing example of women having hobbies just as a started without Google

And or who have unsupportive partners.

Some of our hobbies would blow his mind. Like lifting.... Pints when tasting new beers or enjoying old favourited 😂.

I've done everting from kickboxing to learning the Cyrillic alphabet.

I'm married to a man who shares the household work and isn't sexist though.

I have loads of hobbies. XDP reads, watches TV and shops. That is it. He is past retirement age and won't know what to do with himself when he does retire.

Yeah of course you're all right. I know that. Stupid post.

I'm just miffed as to why I haven't got any interests at all and he has about 7. I thought he understood it as because I struggle to find time but apparently it's because he thinks I'm basically an idiot.

What an arse. I don't work and I am out most days at one or another of my various hobbies. My DH OTOH is nearing retirement and I'm seriously worried about what he will do with his time as his only hobby is sitting on the sofa watching tv. That's fine for the one day a week he currently has free but he will need more once he is at home every day.

I think that if I had to live with a man who truly believed that women's tiny minds didn't lend themselves to hobbies then he would soon find that his hobbies were rather restricted due to having his children by himself 50% of the time.

I've read a lot of threads on MN where men happily opt out of family time to pursue hobbies, but women aren't as keen to do the same. They prioritise time as a "group" over taking time out for themselves.

Which is all well and good to an extent, but time "outside" of family is important too, and one day, your kids will be grown and you'll find that you've lost yourself.

I think both partners should take time out for their hobbies every week. It should be just as important as family time, or activities for the DC.

Your dh doesn't sound very nice. It sounds like he doesn't respect women, doesn't respect you, and doesn't value your contribution to the family

I would agree that the woman in a typical hetero relationship may sometimes feel they have less free time to carry out a hobby, if they get lumbered with more of the household chores/childcare, but I think women are just as likely to have hobbies/other interests.

What a weird thing to say. I have loads more hobbies than my DH.

Certain types of hobbies attract more men than women and vice versa. His are typically male and therefore perhaps he’s forgetting there are different hobbies which are much more popular with women.

You married an idiot.
When he's done his 50% of childcare, chores and admin THEN he can do his hobby. I bet he only has time for his hobbies because you do his share of adulting?

I walk. I do netball. I bake. I do crafts. I write. I know loads of fellow women who also have more than one hobby.

Your DH is taking talking out of his arse to the extreme. Is that one of his hobbies?

I'm just miffed as to why I haven't got any interests at all and he has about 7. I thought he understood it as because I struggle to find time but apparently it's because he thinks I'm basically an idiot.

The really important thing here though @EasierThanTherapy is that its not that he thinks you are an idiot. He thinks 50+% of the human race are idiots.

This is unfortunately unfixable. If he thought it was you being too stupid to find a hobby you could fix it by finding a hobby. But he thinks all women are too stupid to find a hobby. Which both makes him stupid and irredeemably sexist.

I wouldn't be leaving the house one night a week if I were you. I would be kick him out permanently

I can’t believe that he thinks it’s because women aren’t interested in / can’t do hobbies. A lot of us don’t have time when the kids are small. My DH always says that I should concentrate on doing one thing well rather than lots of things at the same time… (he can only do one task at a time) Your DH also has the luxury of time. Our time, to be specific.

Women's minds don't lend themselves to hobbies? Is he ok?

More to the point - are you ok being married to a misogynist?

OP, if you don't mind me asking, what is the family set up where he has time for 7 hobbies but you don't have time for any?

It says a lot about him. Perhaps the women around him don't have time for hobbies as he doesn't step up to release their time.