DH says women don't have hobbies

[EasierThanTherapy]

DH just went to play video games (again) and I commented on it in jest. Got us into a conversation about hobbies. He has a lot. I have none but it was my new year resolution to "find one"

He just said me doing have found one is evidence of what he always thought that women's minds don't lend themselves to hobbies and that old as time women have told men to stop their hobbies and its because we don't understand having proper interests

I argued that the reason I and some women don't have them is too busy putting everyone else first...I work full time, have kids, etc

He said that's bollocks and if women wanted to play sports/chess/video games (as he does)....

He's talking bollocks right? But I don't know why I haven't found my "thing" as I guess I could just leave the house one evening

Would be interested in thoughts.

Part of the issue is language. There are "proper worthy hobbies", like cycling, football or videogames, which require uninterrupted time and accomodation from others.
And there are vague interests like "I am interested in how our society really works" which are pursued in small batches through the time - here a book, here following an extra link to read more, here joining a discussion.

I love modern history podcast (in my other language)- I am not a historian, I was never really good in history, but the podcast is very interesting, professional and fun way to get better understanding of the world.
I don't want people to buy me history related gifts, it isn't a full on hobby, it is just something I like to do.

I run and play video games. I have a toddler and do 90% of the housework and am the breadwinner.

He's an idiot who doesn't see you for your full potential.

Do you have a DD? I would be really concerned about him making those comments.

I had no hobbies that I did when my children were young. I was too busy, had no child care and when DH had them I was too burnt out and just wanted to chill. I had to make a concerted effort to chisel out time for myself and find things to engage in. I now swim and do a martial art….and I’ve randomly started trying to play the keyboard recently which isn’t going so well!! None of my aunts or my mum had hobbies because they were all bought up looking after the home and with fuck all self esteem to try new things.

with me and DH I have to be petty and even out time. Otherwise the natural pattern we fall in to is him doitn stuff and me looking after the kids. So we both have 2x weekends away with friends this year and both do 2x activities a week ish.

I can’t believe he thinks there is something about women’s brains that make them not have a hobby. Idiot.

He’s a sexist pig. All the women I know have hobbies.

Would he still have time for 7 hobbies if you had any? He's maybe bothered that if you take a couple of evenings for hobbies that he will loose his time slot.

You've got 2 months to achieve your new year resolution - do you have anything in mind??

Ive heard divorcing idiots can be a successful hobby albeit hopefully short lived

I have a hobby that consumes me. I also have lots of other hobbies that wax and wain with the seasons and my mood.

Life would be pretty shit without hobbies 😮

I'm a gamer, and I'm a women in my 50's.
Your husband is an idiot.

I can't think of a hobby that is more female than horses for a start
Then add knitting/crochet/sewing/ballet...does he think those are traditionally men's hobbies then?

I have hobbies, some fitness related, also I play video games 🤷 he's talking shit

You're married to a man who thinks you don't have hobbies because you have an inferior mind and you're just not as capable as him.

I'd be contemplating the hobbies when he has contact time every other weekend and one night in the week after school.

Sorry but your husband is a dick!

If my husband had said that to me I would have likely punched him and thrown his video game out the window!

I have hobbies! I do kick boxing, I play piano and flute, I read and I use Duolingo to learn languages. I am NEVER bored!

I find those whose only hobby is playing computer games are rather dull people! Perhaps it's your husband who needs to live a little more??

LTB

Your husband is a sexist, stupid, shit.

I couldn't bear to have the hands of someone like that touch me.

Is he a bit hard of thinking?

I run, do bootcamps, play chess etc but I also find I am the default parent to ferry DC about.

DH often comments why I don't go to my sports club any more (I haven't been regularly for about 4 years) completely ignoring that to facilitate this he needs to come home early to pick up DC from their clubs. We have conversations about it regularly and it comes as a surprise every time that DDs club clashes with mine....she's been doing it on that day for about 8 years!!

Actually it can be quite time-consuming if you do everything yourself. There's paperwork and finances and everything.

OP, all joking aside, if sounds as if you do the bulk of the paid and unpaid work. What's he for? Better to get rid now honestly.

He is trying (and failing) to excuse being child- and chore-avoident in a way that doesn't make him look like a selfish, unreasonable arse.

Self-actualisation is not and has never been the preserve of men.

Well you can tell him that some of us were massive computer game geeks pre-family life, but that yes, we now no longer have any fucking time to play them anymore. Or more correctly, we aren't given the leeway that men in relationships are to just "shut ourselves up in a room and game for hours" whilst the little man of the house sorts out the tidying, dinner, and whatever else.

I have moved on to different gaming type hobbies, lots of Pokemon Go w DS and DH as well as Minecraft so we can all play and I'm not shutting myself off from the rest of the house. I still game but it can no longer be the engrossing type games because I don't want DS to think he's second to a video game.

Actually what I think he means is ‘I have seen this on social media recently. Women don’t have hobbies. It’s on social media so it must be true. I think I have a cot ha so going to repeat it’

I have seen it a few times. And what it comes down to is sexist men who don’t value anything women do. It’s a passing interest not a hobby. Because labelled that way it’s easier to justify prioritising your own serious interests. It’s easier to prioritise your own time because you are doing something. Rather than your partner just having some free time. Just to be free or to try different things.

Its like the whole shit that sexist men do when women mention they like a band or to game, insist on asking really insecure questions to prove it’s not a real hobby or interest and the woman is just showing an interest to appear interesting.

and the fact that he doesn’t realise the most domestic and child related work still falls to women, just cements that he is sexist.

I’m a member of a book club, paint (art), paint (diy) and gardening. DH swims and reads self improvement type books. Feels to me like we both have hobbies. I’m also learning about pokemon cards, but this is more for my kids, although I was quite excited when one of them got an evolution card I was interested in.

Please tell him that women with selfish husbands that don’t pull their weight don’t have hobbies, because they don’t have the time.

This!

I was in a choir for nearly a decade. That was a hobby.

I had dance lessons for three years. That was a hobby.

For the last 5 years, I've played bass guitar in gigging bands. That's a hobby.

My husband/exhusband facilitated it when the children were younger (even once we'd split up because he thought it was important) and my partner now cleans the kitchen and does housework when I'm at weekly band practices. He comes to all the gigs.

So, yeah, women do have hobbies unless they're married to wankers!

I play football twice a week and play my piano for hours on end.

Gosh I have hundreds of hobbies! My DH has none at all and doesn't understand why I fill my time with hobbies. It's a people not man v women thing, DH thinks I should use my hobby time to do more housework but I'd rather have the headspace and live in a pit