DH says women don't have hobbies

[EasierThanTherapy]

DH just went to play video games (again) and I commented on it in jest. Got us into a conversation about hobbies. He has a lot. I have none but it was my new year resolution to "find one"

He just said me doing have found one is evidence of what he always thought that women's minds don't lend themselves to hobbies and that old as time women have told men to stop their hobbies and its because we don't understand having proper interests

I argued that the reason I and some women don't have them is too busy putting everyone else first...I work full time, have kids, etc

He said that's bollocks and if women wanted to play sports/chess/video games (as he does)....

He's talking bollocks right? But I don't know why I haven't found my "thing" as I guess I could just leave the house one evening

Would be interested in thoughts.

"Women's minds" ???!!!???

Does he hold any other outrageously sexist views?

I would have blown my top at that one tbh

Yes....

I do think that men tend to have more hobbies. I wonder if (ducks behind parapet!) it's because women tend to be more social, and also, once they have families, to have less spare time. I think it also depends what you mean by hobby. I love to bake and do it a lot- but I don't think I would call that a hobby. Don't know why not....

I have several long term hobbies, sports & interests. Some of these I have continued since childhood. I have some new hobbies too.

He sounds very narrow minded

Try some new things

My hobbies are hiking, foraging, gardening, dog training and I'm thinking of joining a football team. Am I femaling wrong? Do I have to hand my tits back?

I genuinely didn't think people still thought like this. Like women's minds are wired differently and therefore are less able to access creative pursuits. That's is so shockingly hateful. Imagine if he was saying that about Black people for example?

There are a lot of men who have hobbies that purposefully take them away from family life. Gaming, fishing, golfing, cycling, training for an ironman.

Women of course have hobbies. However, they are unlikely to use it as a way of avoiding family life. I don’t think the issue is that you’re an idiot, I think it’s that you have an unequal partner who is using his many hobbies to avoid doing his fair share and you feel you don’t have time to peruse something.

You also probably do have a hobby but you probably don’t realise it’s a hobby, looking at decor, making nice meals for your family, organising, looking at holidays etc. It’s what you like to do in your downtime. It doesn’t have to be something that costs lots of money like buying a game console and games.

I walk, read, wild swim, bake, play netball, play a racket sport, learn French and train my dog competitively.
My DH reads about cryptocurrency on his phone……..

What absolute sexist, offensive nonsense!

A lot of women probably find it hard to find the time for hobbies, if they’re bearing the brunt of most of the mental load and domestic labour. I know personally I have loads of interests and hobbies, that I try very hard to make time for. One of which is even video games! Your dh is talking absolute shit

I think @EasierThanTherapy you should turn it around on him and suggest he watches the kids every weekend so you can pursue your interests

I have tried dozens of hobbies, some have stuck and some have fallen by the wayside. So tried pottery for two years and that was enough, became ok at it but wasn’t for me long term. There is some truth that women struggle for time mainly because their partners are rubbish or because the vast majority of single parents are women. Current ones are hiking, cycling, board and video games, a little hand sewing, all lifelong. Plus belly dancing have only done this for about three years in total and recently taken it back up. Also done quite a bit of costume making and prop making, that’s on and off if people need stuff. I will be making a Christmas window display for a friends shop soon. Will be building stuff at home.

I have hobbies now but when my kids were small I didn't have time energy or headspace for them.

Does he know it's not a good thing that women aren't supported to have interests outside of their children? And the fact that he has them and you don't is indicative of some things about him he might not enjoy hearing?

He said that's bollocks and if women wanted to play sports/chess/video games (as he does)....

Just do what he does - take time out and try different activities until you find something you click with.

He's talking absolute nonsense that your ladybrain means you are only designed to serve the family and support your husband in the pursuit of his leisure activities.

He's said that the only thing preventing you from pursuing your own interests is the fact you apparently don't want to, so go do what you want and let him pick up the slack for a change.

And remember: it doesn't matter whether your leisure time is spent pursuing your "one true passion" or just a load of random things you want to try out - gaming or reading is just as valid as doing a team sport at a set time each week or committing to a whole season of an activity, so don't let DH convince you that his hobbies are valid but yours aren't!

OMG! What a sexist, supercilious dickhead!

I suggest going to a café/pub three evenings a week and all Sunday afternoon. While there, you can read, watch films, do crosswords or Sudoku, and generally occupy your mind. It'll also be a good time to investigate local classes, walking groups, gardening projects, etc that will spark your next four or five hobbies 🙂

Is he always this ridiculous?

Women of course have hobbies. However, they are unlikely to use it as a way of avoiding family life.

See - I think this a really unhealthy way of viewing hobbies.

Parents should be having time to themselves and away from work/family life on a regular basis. It's healthy to prioritise yourself sometimes and do something that's all about you for a change.

I find it odd that parents (usually mums) spend so much time and money on their kids' activities/hobbies but don't do the same for their own hobbies out of some weird misplaced sense of guilt. It's such a shame imo.

the fact that he has them and you don't is indicative of some things about him he might not enjoy hearing

How very diplomatically put!

I think the obvious thing to do is to take the spare time you have as a family and divide it exactly in half. Then you can sit on your arse eating hobnobs if that's what you want.

7 hobbies? What a twat.

I have loads of hobbies because I live on my own and don't have to clean up after some tosser who has views from the mide ages.

Use this as a reason to find hobbies for yourself... And tell him when you're going to be out of the house. The expectation always seems to fall to the women as default childcare, time to switch that expectation.

It's no surprise that a raging misogynist thinks like this. Being a misogynist, he is used to the idea that men lead lives of leisure when not Out At Work, while women are basically domestic appliances with no independent purpose beyond washing underpants and providing meals. The real question is whether you want to stay married to someone who sees you as white goods.

I think men tend to use their hobbies to supplement their ego and need to have a lot of expensive shit to prove how Really Good they are at their hobby (fishing, cycling, golf) OR they use their hobby in lieu of real-emotional social connection (football team etc).

I also think women tend to use their hobbies to legitimise their downtime- sewing, knitting, baking, painting, crafting. They have to make something for someone or feel like they're doing something productive in order to shed off the mental load.

Agree with this.
He and his hobbies have crowded you out of your own life. Of course you don't know what you'd like to try if you don't get a moments peace.
Taking yourself out for some alone time is a good place to start to hear your own thoughts again. The man person is just going to have to step up.

Of course women have hobbies totally sexist comment,its 2023 not 1923 what weird thinking!

Your husband is a fuckwit - LTB.