DH says women don't have hobbies

[EasierThanTherapy]

DH just went to play video games (again) and I commented on it in jest. Got us into a conversation about hobbies. He has a lot. I have none but it was my new year resolution to "find one"

He just said me doing have found one is evidence of what he always thought that women's minds don't lend themselves to hobbies and that old as time women have told men to stop their hobbies and its because we don't understand having proper interests

I argued that the reason I and some women don't have them is too busy putting everyone else first...I work full time, have kids, etc

He said that's bollocks and if women wanted to play sports/chess/video games (as he does)....

He's talking bollocks right? But I don't know why I haven't found my "thing" as I guess I could just leave the house one evening

Would be interested in thoughts.

I'd recommend my hobbies - knitting, crochet and spinning (as in, on a spinning wheel), but it sounds like you could do with hobbies that get you away from the house! Though there are knit & natter groups around sometimes.

Load of bollocks, he needs to go to a dog show! It's mostly women that are showing their dogs. What does he think knitting and crochet are? Women do those more than men too.

I have lots of hobbies. I bake, make infused drinks like sloe gin, cook fancy meals rather than basic meals etc. I like to forage for ingredients and I like to cook outdoors whenever possible.

I do a lot of different crafts depending on mood and supplies - sewing, knitting, crochet (very badly), cross stitching, beads, paper craft and card making, drawing, candle making ...

I go out hiking and cycling and camping. I go swimming. I do a bit of sailing and a bit of rowing. And play a few holes of golf once in a blue moon (I'm learning for when I retire and have the time).

I volunteer (Cub scouts) which is definitely a hobby and definitely gets me out of the house.

I often shop as a hobby - sometimes actually buying but often looking and comparing things.

I like tech (although it doesn't like me) and I enjoy some basic computer games (Mario kart or brain training - not PlayStation/XBox type ones). And I also like board games, cards and reading.

I like to travel for fun. And I enjoy yoga and Pilates as well. I also like tinkering around with bits of wood and tools, or trying to figure out engines for fun (I don't get much time for those but I enjoy them when I do and I don't have to do them so that classifies them as hobbies in my book). And I love learning new things - improving my French language, talking about philosophy or literature, reading about history.

And going out, I like drinking in bars, dancing, cinema, theatre, debates, ice skating (very badly), museum and art galleries...

I hope that's not going to cause a sudden onset of panic that 1 person can have all these interests as hobbies to enjoy, and even more, that it's a female person...

I should probably clarify that DH and I both work 50+ hours most weeks so I don't get a lot of time for most of these.

I get to Cubs every Saturday in school term and we have a handful of overnight trips per year. I read in bed before passing out. I make time for a yoga class most weeks as it's a lovely group and late evenings, but I am often still at work or en route home.

Sometimes I have my space clear and can have a project or 2 to easily pull out and work on when I am finished work. But often they wait for holiday times.

I was at the cinema 3 weeks ago and the previous time was before covid.

So it is all relative...

you just don't want to do it because home is enough for you

Wow, the breathtaking entitlement of this man...
"Home is enough for you".
Gobsmacking.

He thinks everything you do in the home is voluntary, something you take on to fill your otherwise empty days, something you do because nothing else would be interesting or fulfilling or worth your energy. He on the other hand has a superior mind and a bolder spirit because he would find all that drudgery boring.

Tell him he's right. Tell him the first home based hobby you're dropping is every single thing you currently do for him, and half of the stuff you do for the children the two of you are co-parenting.

You're going to free up time for yourself - is he as excited for you as you are at the prospect of a change from your self-imposed boring hobby of housework, parenting, and organising the household?

@mathanxiety, "Tell him he's right" is so often the first step out of an awful relationship situation! In my case, it was "You need therapy". He was right, and the therapist showed me I was living with a bully.

It's fortunate that they just can't stop themselves yelling about how right they are 😂

It came up tonight as we are going to sleep. He said that he wasn't talking about ALL women but that him and his friends seem to have far more interests than women and it was well known men were able to focus and obsessed over stuff. He said "it's really not controversial and anyway I was mostly talking about you, I'm sure other women like stuff". When I said I thought it was pretty controversial he said "stop being so bloody sensitive" so now we are lying in bed in silence. He is watching tiktok. I'm reading.

Maybe ill show him this thread!

💯

I think it's a horrible misogynistic view!

I strongly suspect he is able to have more hobbies because you are carrying the mental load for the family.

It's a cycle - man doesn't pull their weight so woman has to do twice the thinking about the family needs, man then has mental space to pursue hobbies, man concludes woman is mentally inferior when the reality is he is a lazy entitled arsehole.

I have plenty of hobbies btw.

This is spot on. He's the common factor.

Hi p

I'd tell him if he pulled his share you could both have time and head space to do stuff.

Absolutely a load of bollox

How can you let that lie? I hadn't seen the update, his arse wouldn't be still touching the bed.

What have you changed?