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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Young men hating women

209 replies

Maatandosiris · 05/09/2023 16:52

Something I’ve been noticing is that young men (say under 30) are becoming increasingly misogynistic. Not in the old fashioned dirty old man way but very aggressively trying to take away women’s voices. Anything they can do to undermine you they will, whether it’s criticising politics, eating habits, looks, viewpoints. Any excuse to undermine women they jump on it (aided and abetted by some women I should add)

AIBU to wonder whether all the fighting for rights and equality has been pointless and young girls generally seem content to be treated like shit to the point I’m not sure many actually see the threat. How the hell did we get here? In the past week I’ve had a man gaslight me and try and undermine me in a discussion as a “rebel” for quoting the suffragettes, had a bunch of blokes gang up on me and chuck me off a forum for saying transrights need balancing with women’s rights followed by inaccurate allegations and ignored on a discussion simply because I was female. Not long ago I was told that the way to make things more female friendly was to make them less academic

We literally seem to be reverting back to women make yourself look pretty whilst listening to the views of the oh so intelligent men.

AIBU to think in20 years time women’s rights are going to dead unless women, inc young women start standing up to be counted.

OP posts:
Fightyouforthatpie · 05/09/2023 16:54

YANBU - I think this has come to us from the USA via social media.

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 05/09/2023 16:55

Where are you meeting all these men?

WarmWinterSun · 05/09/2023 16:57

Do these observations all apply online or in person too?

phoenixrosehere · 05/09/2023 16:59

Fightyouforthatpie · 05/09/2023 16:54

YANBU - I think this has come to us from the USA via social media.

Ugh. Do some of you ever get tired of blaming the States for every little thing that is deem a new negative trend?

Misogynistic behaviour the OP is describing has existed for decades including before social media. It’s not new and has always been an issue, it’s only more noticed and considered unacceptable by many.

wankyseahorse33 · 05/09/2023 17:05

I've DEFINITELY noticed this online with the whole red pill pod cast ilk and the incels. Young women have never had it so bad, I truly feel sorry for them. I think it stems from internet porn.

Calistano · 05/09/2023 17:05

Yeah I don't think the USA can be blamed for this one, misogyny never went away, it was just slightly more subtle for a few years (even then not very).

Itick8outof10boxes · 05/09/2023 17:07

Social media to a degree and how boys are parented, if they have useless fathers for role models what hope do they have? It's the lads culture though, egos and small penises got to keep women at heel at all costs.
Then they wonder why women belittle them and don't want relationships with them because they act like twats and women belittle them, wash, rinse, repeat.
They seem to be too thick to understand and try to shut us up. Well, fuck off with that matey.

TomatoSandwiches · 05/09/2023 17:10

I think they're called incels aren't they?

Clarabe1 · 05/09/2023 17:12

I work with a lot of younger men ( I am 50) and I can’t say I have noticed this. In fact things are a lot better than when I started work 30 years ago. There was certainly a lot of misogyny then.

Itick8outof10boxes · 05/09/2023 17:13

Yes, incels, their behaviour turns women and girls against them but they can't see it and it makes them worse. No one is entitled to sex but this seems to be their mantra, I can't get a shag and women are slags.
I despair for young women these days.

AliciaLime · 05/09/2023 17:15

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 05/09/2023 16:55

Where are you meeting all these men?

What do you mean?

Maddy70 · 05/09/2023 17:22

I totally disagree. I work with young adults. This is not my experience in fact quite the opposite

Fightyouforthatpie · 05/09/2023 17:22

phoenixrosehere · 05/09/2023 16:59

Ugh. Do some of you ever get tired of blaming the States for every little thing that is deem a new negative trend?

Misogynistic behaviour the OP is describing has existed for decades including before social media. It’s not new and has always been an issue, it’s only more noticed and considered unacceptable by many.

We have much to thank the USA for as well, but Social Media and the accompanying social mores definitely owes a lot to US cultural norms and the freer expression that accrues from constitutional rights to "free speech" being interpreted much more rigorously than we were previously used to.
This was pointed out to me by a friend from the USA.

yeahthisisit · 05/09/2023 17:28

YANBU

And sadly it’s not just young men, it’s the older one’s too.
So many married men, with kids tuly hates women, makes me sad to think about their wiwes/girlfriends and worrying about the children they are raising.

Off note a bit: when it comes to sexism/misogyny, women are so worried/checking out that the man does chores and knows about emotional labour and what not. But them totally gloss over porn/strip clubs etc, often just giggle how all men are at it.
The blidness to this is stunning to me.

Maatandosiris · 05/09/2023 17:42

Yes I probably see it online mainly - but that’s my main contact with young men tbh.

I know many Americans and I would say the pattern is similar over there, but probably is fed by the you’re either with me or against me mentality and far right groups over there.

Yes misogyny has always existed, but somehow I find this new brand far for sinister somehow, an active aggression towards women. Yes it might be right re the violent porn that’s so readily available.

Ive brought my son up to respect women, but even at 11 I can already see some of the boys being less than respectful to girls, I can see it in their Dads too though.

Why don’t all women stand up against them?

OP posts:
FrippEnos · 05/09/2023 17:57

So your basing your opinion based mainly on men and boys that are online and projecting that on to all males using your already prejudiced views.

Hell if that is what you project is it any wonder that is what you get back.

Elmerchecks · 05/09/2023 18:04

YANBU at all

Elmerchecks · 05/09/2023 18:05

This reply has been deleted

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LlynTegid · 05/09/2023 18:05

Look at some of the examples young men have. Several high profile footballers (look at two at Manchester United as examples), some male musicians, a few film stars, and a recent Prime Minister and former US President.

Needmorelego · 05/09/2023 18:09

Well to be honest if any young men accidentally read Mumsnet they would think all women hate men. There are some dreadful anti men opinions on Mumsnet.

FrippEnos · 05/09/2023 18:11

This reply has been deleted

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Wow, what a persuasive discussion point you have put forward.

Maatandosiris · 05/09/2023 18:39

Well it also includes men I have conversations with and actually get to know fairly well rather than witnessing single line quotes. There seems to be an anger towards women that I just wasn’t expecting. It doesn’t take long for them to go down the line of every woman is a tease, they just want to bleed you dry etc etc. just a general sense of anger which is often directed at women. What is making so many young men do very angry. I guess it’s rather like domestic violence the perpetrator is often angry more generally. There appears (what I think is linked) a rise in the far right membership.

OP posts:
justbraisi · 05/09/2023 18:41

Maddy70 · 05/09/2023 17:22

I totally disagree. I work with young adults. This is not my experience in fact quite the opposite

Agree - also my experience.

BIossomtoes · 05/09/2023 18:46

Needmorelego · 05/09/2023 18:09

Well to be honest if any young men accidentally read Mumsnet they would think all women hate men. There are some dreadful anti men opinions on Mumsnet.

So true. It was a revelation to me to see how many women really hate men. And from a generation that have more rights than any previous one.

Skybluecoat · 05/09/2023 18:50

I speak with large numbers of young men (under 26) for my job, and haven’t come across this at all. Quite the opposite compared to my own experiences in the eighties when I was young.

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