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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go on a date now I’ve seen his Facebook activity?

203 replies

Nevs · 01/09/2023 10:01

Would this put you off a guy?

Met a guy through a mutual friend while at a bar a week ago, we swapped numbers and have been Whatsapping since. Date planned for this weekend.

While texting the subject of social media came up and he said he’ll add me on Facebook.

He’s VERY active, posts stories everyday (walking the dog, getting a Starbucks coffee, his dinner) along with Photo posts every time he goes out.

It’s not just that he posts photos, but in all the photos he posts he always looks very serious and brooding, like a male model.

He went traveled to a nearby city abroad recently, twice, and on each occasion posted a photo of him stood infront of the plane. Again, with his serious brooding intense face, looking away from the camera into the distance like he didn’t know he was having his photo taken.
You’d think it was a private jet and he was a male Instagram influencer by the way he was stood infront of it, but the planes had RyanAir plastered all over it

We’d planned the date before I’d seen all of this

OP posts:
LindorDoubleChoc · 01/09/2023 10:03

Hmm. I see your point! I don't usually connect well with people addicted to social media and attention.

Tomhanksismine · 01/09/2023 10:03

Oh god how cringy!

YouHoooo · 01/09/2023 10:03

I’d give him a sceptical chance.

The FB stuff seems a bit twatty, but if I didn’t have anything better to do that evening I’d have another go at seeing what he’s like in person.

crackofdoom · 01/09/2023 10:04

He sounds pretty deficient in the sense of humour department, which would put me off personally.

Notgnillew · 01/09/2023 10:04

I think if his behaviour is already feeling off to you, or not in-line with your instincts about what's okay or 'normal' and what isn't, I would call the date off. If you feel like this now, how will you feel when he starts doing this in front of you - wanting to post selfies when out with you? It's already annoying and you've only just met. Go with your gut instinct.

I agree with you BTW - people constantly posting selfies when they just leave the house, to prove to the world that they're 'doing something' is really lame to me. Have some self respect - why is constant validation on social media necessary?

Original poster
Nevs · 01/09/2023 10:05

Also he’s not a young person who grew up around social media and Instagram- he’s in his mid 30s!

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 01/09/2023 10:06

Oh dear, that would put me off 😁

Covetthee · 01/09/2023 10:08

No that is totally off putting OP. I find it really off putting when people men/women live their life for social media, esp ones in their 30’s who should know better lol

how would you feel about your relationship will being for social media afterwards? As it sounds like he would be one of those who would plaster that too.

Notgnillew · 01/09/2023 10:09

Nevs · 01/09/2023 10:05

Also he’s not a young person who grew up around social media and Instagram- he’s in his mid 30s!

Some people are just attention seekers. Social media actually tells you a lot about a person - especially their need to be constantly proving themselves to others. I prefer a man who is quietly confident.

Nemesias · 01/09/2023 10:09

My DH was like that when we first met and it was down to low self esteem. I would give him a chance and go on the date.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 01/09/2023 10:09

You've got the ick. Tbf I would too.
He sounds like a knob

Nemesias · 01/09/2023 10:10

Oh and my DH no longer does it

Xrays · 01/09/2023 10:12

Oh gosh no. Run. Every time you go out he’ll be asking you to take pics of him 😆😆

SBHon · 01/09/2023 10:12

It’s just a hobby, calling him a knob and attention seeker is a bit much. I’d still give him a chance. But only you know how you feel.

Stratocumulus · 01/09/2023 10:14

Notgnillew · 01/09/2023 10:04

I think if his behaviour is already feeling off to you, or not in-line with your instincts about what's okay or 'normal' and what isn't, I would call the date off. If you feel like this now, how will you feel when he starts doing this in front of you - wanting to post selfies when out with you? It's already annoying and you've only just met. Go with your gut instinct.

I agree with you BTW - people constantly posting selfies when they just leave the house, to prove to the world that they're 'doing something' is really lame to me. Have some self respect - why is constant validation on social media necessary?

This ^
You've already got the ick.
Call it off. He’s immature & might start tagging you in his SM exploits. Nah, he’s not for you OP.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 01/09/2023 10:14

If this is making you feel like he's not someone you'd like to date then cancel - it's reasonable to do this for any reason you like.

I don't see the need for the all the sneering at social media use though (directed at all the responses rather than the OP). It's not for everyone for sure, but definitely not just for those under 30 and it doesn't make you a better person for looking down your nose at others interacting differently to you...

I use social media aged 50 and have met plenty of people who have turned out to be close friends in real life as a result.

Olika · 01/09/2023 10:14

It would give me an ick too to see such FB activity. I would go on a date with him and then decide. You never have to see him again if you don't want to after that.Smile

Superlegs · 01/09/2023 10:15

I’d give him a chance, but I do find it odd when you encounter someone who seems relatively normal irl and they then have an alter ego on social media.

Sugargliderwombat · 01/09/2023 10:15

Yep I'd have the ick too. The only hope would be how gentle banter is recieved. Does he laugh at himself about it ?

floribunda18 · 01/09/2023 10:16

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, but also lightly take the piss out of his posts and see how he reacts.

You are someone who is asking this question on social media, after all. Perhaps others would not care for someone who criticised my Facebook profile on another platform before a date.

DrFoxtrot · 01/09/2023 10:16

I'd definitely give him a chance, it doesn't sound that bad 😆 but I've had much worse. I once cancelled a date when social media trawling revealed he'd called the mother of his child a cunt.

ilovemydogmore · 01/09/2023 10:16

As a rule I dont trust men that take selfies

gillygeey · 01/09/2023 10:17

It would really put me off as it's so cringe. However I have a close friend of many years that is reasonable, intelligent etc & she posts pouting filtered photos. I can separate her from her SM usage!

SeeTheWorldAnotherWay · 01/09/2023 10:17

Give him a chance. He maybe just needs a girlfriend…

Lavender14 · 01/09/2023 10:18

I always worry someone would be a bit vain and take themselves quite seriously with a social media presence like that. But I would still go on the date to see what he's actually like in person. At the very worst you've met someone new and had a chat is how I thought of it.