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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go on a date now I’ve seen his Facebook activity?

203 replies

Nevs · 01/09/2023 10:01

Would this put you off a guy?

Met a guy through a mutual friend while at a bar a week ago, we swapped numbers and have been Whatsapping since. Date planned for this weekend.

While texting the subject of social media came up and he said he’ll add me on Facebook.

He’s VERY active, posts stories everyday (walking the dog, getting a Starbucks coffee, his dinner) along with Photo posts every time he goes out.

It’s not just that he posts photos, but in all the photos he posts he always looks very serious and brooding, like a male model.

He went traveled to a nearby city abroad recently, twice, and on each occasion posted a photo of him stood infront of the plane. Again, with his serious brooding intense face, looking away from the camera into the distance like he didn’t know he was having his photo taken.
You’d think it was a private jet and he was a male Instagram influencer by the way he was stood infront of it, but the planes had RyanAir plastered all over it

We’d planned the date before I’d seen all of this

OP posts:
2Rebecca · 02/09/2023 09:54

I hate the phrase " the ick" too and know no one IRL who uses the phrase, also people seem to be nauseated by weird things. To me being put off someone and being nauseated are 2 different feelings and I'm not sure where this "ick" expression came from

Mycatisthebestever · 02/09/2023 09:55

feralunderclass · 02/09/2023 09:53

Clutching at straws here, but is he white British? My DH thinks the 'correct' way to take a photo is to stand at an angle "as if you don't know it's being taken". Every single photo of him/his family look as if they are staring at something to the right of the camera. They also think it's wrong to smile for a photo as it's "vain". We were sent photos of his niece's graduation recently and they all looked miserable 🤣. Not sure if it's just his family or a cultural thing.

I think it's a pretentious thing saying I'm better than a selfie!

Tadpolle · 02/09/2023 10:05

Give him a sceptical chance (great phrase!)

When I meant my now DP and he added me on fb I was quite horrified to see he was posting multiple times a day sharing music, jokes, political stuff, articles. Loads every day! Found it so off putting. Gave him a sceptical chance and he's now a great DP, dad of our DC and he quit fb years ago. I think maybe he was a bit lonely at the time or something.

amylou8 · 02/09/2023 10:13

I think this must be my XH 😂 Every little thing he did went on FB, he'd even pose photos of himself pretending to be asleep. He genuinely thought everyone was interested. He'd write huge long rants. He'd spend ages deciding who was allowed to be on his friends list and who he would add to his acquaintance list so they only saw the things he deemed them worth of. It was serious ick, and I spent my whole time avoiding photos and untagging myself in posts.

feralunderclass · 02/09/2023 10:28

@amylou8 did he announce that he was doing a cull of his friends? "So if you aren't on here tomorrow sorry you haven't made the cut. True friends only from now on..." 🤣🤣🤣

Abbimae · 02/09/2023 10:31

This would put me off because my experience of these type of guys is they post ‘interaction posts’ to try and get validation from women

DixonD · 02/09/2023 10:32

I voted YABU, because I would give him a chance. I wouldn’t like the Facebook activity either but you can always unfollow him.

GG1986 · 02/09/2023 11:24

That would give me the ick!

Planesmistakenforstars · 02/09/2023 11:29

Clutching at straws here, but is he white British? My DH thinks the 'correct' way to take a photo is to stand at an angle "as if you don't know it's being taken". Every single photo of him/his family look as if they are staring at something to the right of the camera. They also think it's wrong to smile for a photo as it's "vain". We were sent photos of his niece's graduation recently and they all looked miserable 🤣. Not sure if it's just his family or a cultural thing.

Which culture is this? I have some Turkish friends who do this. Every photo is of them pretending not to be having a photo taken and looking like someone's told them the world is ending.

tiredofthenoise · 02/09/2023 12:05

Tbh, that would put me off. A few ill-judged brooding posts scattered over years, I would give the benefit of the doubt, but if that's his established 'style', I'd take it as a sign that we're incompatible. It's too far removed from my own approach to FB.

If I really liked him otherwise, I'd still meet him, but I'd keep it in mind when deciding whether to take things further.

Speckson · 02/09/2023 12:46

BestIsWest · 01/09/2023 10:34

How long do you think Social Media has been around OP?

Show quote history

LOL - exactly. MySpace started in 2003, OP.

Chattygirl123 · 02/09/2023 18:01

Nemesias · 01/09/2023 10:09

My DH was like that when we first met and it was down to low self esteem. I would give him a chance and go on the date.

I agree. Give him a chance in 'real' life.

Whatthehell1977 · 02/09/2023 23:01

I would give him a chance. Some people use Social Media as a front, he may have insecurities who knows. The best way to get to know someone is face to face, not looking at their FB profile. Yes, it's fun to have a nosey but it's not the full picture. Go on the date, you never know!

JST88 · 03/09/2023 09:14

This is an absolute ick

mummahbythesea · 03/09/2023 09:26

He’s living in a generation where everything is online based. Shopping, working, socialising, dating, the list is endless.
Go on the date and you might discover why he overshares. Long hours at work, has moved away from friends and family so easier to keep them all in the loop… You’ll soon figure out if he’s not for you 😊

HennyPenny1234 · 03/09/2023 09:41

Sounds like one of these attention seeking types, everything has to be photo'd and then they start begging for likes to help their ego

It's embarrassing just like the women pouting the same pose in every photo with their big, pumped on lips

WouldYouLikeYourMuffinButtered · 03/09/2023 12:47

If you liked him prior to seeing his Facebook posts, I would still go along for a date just to see what he is really like, and because, you never know really do you? He could be great company or you might have to share the attention with his phone and ego.
At least you're forewarned at the beginning.

TiredMummma · 03/09/2023 23:31

crackofdoom · 01/09/2023 10:04

He sounds pretty deficient in the sense of humour department, which would put me off personally.

Maybe this is his sense of humour and he is just not funny

HulaChick · 04/09/2023 19:03

Give him a chance - he could be a,really nice guy. If you don't feel anything after the date the so be it but at least go & find out.

Malapataraso · 04/09/2023 19:13

Here’s my question: are all of these photos posted (mostly or only) when he’s doing something alone? Alone at Starbucks, alone walking the dog, eating dinner alone, traveling alone - or would be have to break out his phone during every coffee, dinner, dog walk, and holiday you shared with him?

For me, one is a deal breaker and one is not.

Give him a chance.

Jemums32 · 04/09/2023 19:17

NEVER add someone as a friend on fb/insta until you're sure you want to share that part of your life. (Especially before a first date!)
You need to check him out (in reality) for yourself. I mean smouldering poses infront of a Ryan Air plane - giving ick vibes aplenty! Not to mention immaturity... I could go on...

Daisymum18 · 04/09/2023 20:04

Maybe the constant posting on FB is something to do with filling a void maybe he's lonely what someone appears to be on social media isn't always their reality I think calling this guy a knob at this stage is a bit harsh personally give him a chance you clearly liked him and felt some sort of connection otherwise you wouldn't of swapped numbers and messaged back and fourth for a week .everyone deserves a chance don't judge a book by its cover social media isn't always right a candid photo doesn't tell you who that person is

SpatulaSpatula · 04/09/2023 20:30

Bleaghhhh.

lto2019 · 04/09/2023 20:43

This made me laugh "Again, with his serious brooding intense face, looking away from the camera into the distance like he didn’t know he was having his photo taken." I always look moody in pics because I think I look forced when I smile. Prior to seeing his social media how keen were you and how much less keen are you now? I'd be inclined to go and see what he's like in person. You can always say - I knew I shouldn't have bothered to go after.

Foxy23 · 05/09/2023 08:52

Too soon to judge him,unfair for people to say he's a knob. If the bloke is single,then why not post what he likes? Go on the date as planned,give him a chance. If things work out between you,you may find that all that stops. Maybe he's just bored or lonely?? Go out,keep safe,and enjoy it.

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