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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go on a date now I’ve seen his Facebook activity?

203 replies

Nevs · 01/09/2023 10:01

Would this put you off a guy?

Met a guy through a mutual friend while at a bar a week ago, we swapped numbers and have been Whatsapping since. Date planned for this weekend.

While texting the subject of social media came up and he said he’ll add me on Facebook.

He’s VERY active, posts stories everyday (walking the dog, getting a Starbucks coffee, his dinner) along with Photo posts every time he goes out.

It’s not just that he posts photos, but in all the photos he posts he always looks very serious and brooding, like a male model.

He went traveled to a nearby city abroad recently, twice, and on each occasion posted a photo of him stood infront of the plane. Again, with his serious brooding intense face, looking away from the camera into the distance like he didn’t know he was having his photo taken.
You’d think it was a private jet and he was a male Instagram influencer by the way he was stood infront of it, but the planes had RyanAir plastered all over it

We’d planned the date before I’d seen all of this

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 01/09/2023 12:09

I am late forties and find my 30something friends generally more into sm than my peers - but it varies so much. I wouldn't judge him if he otherwise sounds like someone you'd gel with, although I think if you are so put off by it, it might be a dealbreaker for you.

noadvice · 01/09/2023 12:12

I know some men like this and it’s always because they want a girlfriend! They think posting a lot will spark interest and hopefully lead to them meeting someone.

Go on the date and give him a chance. I bet when he actually has someone to spend his time with the photos he posts will be ones of you or none at all!

SBHon · 01/09/2023 12:14

Uterusbegone · 01/09/2023 10:29

Ha ha, can you really class posting constant pictures of yourself as a hobby? Either way you can't deny the attention seeking nature of it

Show quote history

Ha ha, yes. It’s just documenting and photography isn’t it. DW does similar, although a bit differently as it’s her private insta page and a Pinterest account, not publicly on facebook. She finds it fun, it’s harming no one, I’d class it as a hobby.

PKDaisy · 01/09/2023 12:16

Always go with your gut feeling.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 01/09/2023 12:29

Nevs · 01/09/2023 10:05

Also he’s not a young person who grew up around social media and Instagram- he’s in his mid 30s!

😂 LOL at mid 30s not being young. All the social media shizzle would have started when he was just out of his teens virtually, and it would all have been new and exciting. And he is still into it 15 years on... SO what?

@Nevs You sound shallow and judgemental. You will very likely do him a favour if you don't date him. I doubt he needs that kind of negativity ... People judging him and condemning him for having posed photos on facebook. Good grief!

DrivingCadillacsInOurDreams · 01/09/2023 12:30

For me it would depend on how he'd react if you teased him about the Facebook crap. Would he laugh at you saying aren't you too old for that shite and say he just does it out of habit etc? Or would he get angry or defensive and think an influencer career is in his future...

BakingBeanz · 01/09/2023 12:32

Oh dear 😂

I wouldn’t cancel the date. I would however take the piss (nicely) and see how he reacts. If he’s got a sense of humour about it, fine. If not, we’re probably not a good match.

GhostOfChristmasPudding · 01/09/2023 12:33

Nemesias · 01/09/2023 10:09

My DH was like that when we first met and it was down to low self esteem. I would give him a chance and go on the date.

I was just about to add a similar comment to this (except not about my DH, he's still at 'How Does FaceGramTock Work' stage of things).

You liked the guy enough to swap numbers, and presumably you've been chatting all week on WhatsApp? You must have something interesting to say to each other. He sounds like he's possibly got low self esteem. If he is a self-obsessed knob all evening, then you've got your answer, but if he's not, maybe this can become a funny story you tell your friends in five years time about 'how he used to post cringey photos on social media' while he laughs and hides his face in embarrassment. Give him a chance. Simple.

Planesmistakenforstars · 01/09/2023 12:33

I think the fact you met him in person first, and got on well enough to want to see him again, would sway me to go on a (admittedly sceptical) low key date and see how it goes. If I'd met him on a dating app It'd be an instant no though.

Cotonsugar · 01/09/2023 12:44

He sounds insecure

MavisMcMinty · 01/09/2023 12:57

I’ve never taken a selfie.

Date me!

Gh12345 · 01/09/2023 12:58

Instant turn off for me

girlfriend44 · 01/09/2023 13:02

Your on fb too though what does he think of your posts.

SpringIntoChaos · 01/09/2023 13:08

My cousin does this. In her case it's low self esteem 🤷‍♀️ She's actually really lovely. Maybe just give him a chance...it's only a date after all. You don't need to commit to a lifetime 🤷‍♀️

Boomchuck · 01/09/2023 13:20

Yeah that would give me the ick too, OP. If it were 2012, then maybe fair enough—we were all addicted back then—but these days it’s gotten to be a bit cringe, especially FB. I’d cut him loose.

10HailMarys · 01/09/2023 13:23

I completely understand where you’re coming from, but I know two men who do this and they’re both lovely and not at all full of themselves at all in real life. They are also both single, and I think that (either consciously or subconsciously, I don’t know) they are basically just trying to present an image of themselves as being well-rounded individuals who aren’t moping around at home fretting about being single. One of them does post similar brooding photos to what you’re describing and I definitely think it’s just a confidence boost for him as he has a history of being insecure about his looks, and he didn’t do it when he had a girlfriend.

teatimenow · 01/09/2023 13:24

Nemesias · 01/09/2023 10:09

My DH was like that when we first met and it was down to low self esteem. I would give him a chance and go on the date.

I agree, definitely give him a chance. There's no way of knowing if his social media weirdness is because he's unsure of himself or if he's a vain poser who thinks too highly of himself. If the former, then he may be lovely.

Hollyppp · 01/09/2023 13:29

Yes - ick!!!

Escapetofrance · 01/09/2023 13:29

You don’t sound like you want to meet him. You’re judging him on his Facebook profile & I can see why, but personally, I’d give him a chance. Social Media has been around for quite a while now, so he would have been in his early 20’s when it all took off.

diddl · 01/09/2023 13:30

I have a friend who does this-although not the fargazing selfies.

She is one of the loveliest, kindest most thoughtful people I know.

It's not always an indication of anything.

DisforDarkChocolate · 01/09/2023 13:33

I'd be laughing at that but would probably chance a date provided he was happy not to post anything about me. Sounds like he would probably cancel if you did that though.

Hibiscrubbed · 01/09/2023 13:33

😂😂😂 I’d be embarrassed for him. It’s a sign of real insecurity to post for attention like that all the time.

Hibiscrubbed · 01/09/2023 13:34

I’d also cancel the date.

jllll · 01/09/2023 13:35

The ONLY way for this to not be icky is if, as you don't know him really, he is a bit of a joker and doing it for laughs. Like Blue Steel poses just to get a reaction 🤔

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 01/09/2023 13:41

This made me laugh.

Is he doing it ironically?

To be honest, if I used SM and had plenty of time on my hands, I'd be doing the same, just for a laugh.

Have you seen those middle-aged dads who go around striking the same serious, moody poses that their teenage daughters do, and then uploading their own versions on SM as well?!

Some people really do make a hilarious art of being deliberately dull for laughs. There's a man in the Midlands who set up the 'Roundabout Appreciation Society' and he's published calendars of traffic roundabouts, pillar boxes and other random dull stuff; he was selling a professionally-made jigsaw of Redditch Tip a couple of years ago - but it's all done in a very ironic way.