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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it is odd that DH has started dog walking with a 23 year old?

538 replies

themadcarter · 29/08/2023 23:10

I'm honestly hoping for people to tell me I am being absolutely delusional and insecure, I can assure you I am actively not wanting to make a big deal out of nothing and hence I have come here for a reality check on how others would actually see it, as it's very easy to think all kinds of things in your head.

DH is 35 and I admit, usually quite an isolated man. He works from home and does have very few friends and hobbies. He has wanted a dog his whole life and I admit that I am not a huge animal person, I do love our dog but DH does do almost it all, especially as he is the one at home (I work full time out the house). He had to go for an in person workshop a few months ago and there was an icebreaker challenge (I'm honestly shocked they still do this!) and this 23 year old mentioned her new puppy (hers was only about 13 weeks and ours 8 months at this time) and apparently they clicked over the dogs?? Not trying to be a downer here, but surely owning a dog isn't that rare, I am friends with about 8 people that have dogs. I instantly found it rather childish when he was telling me but this woman ended up giving her number to him at the end of the day. DH tells me how he told her how much me and her would get along and tried to say as much as he could to me to make it sound so obviously nothing more than friends but I just got the impression he had a bit of chemistry there.

Anyway, don't want to go on for pages and pages with every little detail. Basically he did text her and they arranged a play date for the dogs, the messages to seem very innocent and he would always tell me and it didn't seem like he was telling me for any weird motive and was just out of excitement (don't want to shit on his cereal, but I'm really not getting it and never have). She then got him a birthday present only a week later and now they meet up twice a week every week to walk the dogs... he's very open about it with me and is never trying to act secretive but it really rubs me up the wrong way, I think I must have issues because seriously, him even saying her name makes me cringe. Am I just massively insecure?? I simply don't like it, she sounds a bit obsessive with him and DH has said how he does purposely leave a minimum 12 hour delay before responding to her because she replies almost instantly and constantly sends him pictures of her dog, I said to him just tell her to stop and he really just says "no I don't mind her doing it if she wants to" so then I ask why he delays replying and he says because he just doesn't want the expectation of him just being there to respond all day.

Seriously I hate the whole thing. AIBU?

OP posts:
JFDIYOLO · 29/08/2023 23:37

She is after him.

He is enjoying it.

He's invited you because he thinks you'll say no and he can be the all-above-board one.

Go on the next walk.

Look at her face when you turn up.

Watch and listen to them interacting.

See if he invites you again. Bet he won't.

This needs snipping off before it grows any bigger.

Chersfrozenface · 29/08/2023 23:39

Hawkins0090 · 29/08/2023 23:36

Why do colleagues buy gifts for each other ?

Show quote history

I've never bought a colleague a birthday gift in my life

Signed the office card, yes. Contributed towards a cake, occasionally. Bought a gift, never.

EinyLinky · 29/08/2023 23:40

@Chersfrozenface you've never made friends with a colleague and bought them a birthday gift?

Chersfrozenface · 29/08/2023 23:41

EinyLinky · 29/08/2023 23:40

@Chersfrozenface you've never made friends with a colleague and bought them a birthday gift?

If I make friends with someone it always takes me more than a week.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/08/2023 23:44

What was the birthday gift?

Defender90 · 29/08/2023 23:45

Yeah sounds like she's after him, he's enjoying the attention, she will no doubt escalate it and then, what do you think his reaction would be?

In all my dog owning years I've known two people to

Defender90 · 29/08/2023 23:46

Accidentally posted too soon.

I knew two folk that walked their dogs together religiously, I also knew what they were up to in the wooded areas of the walk. Gad, grim.

Berlinlover · 29/08/2023 23:47

I would put an end to this immediately, it’s as clear as day she fancies him and he’s loving every minute of it.

Canisaysomething · 29/08/2023 23:48

A 35 year old man with no hobbies and friends apart from a young female dog walking buddy doesn't sound like a very attractive partner.

Woody2024 · 29/08/2023 23:52

Call his bluff and go along next time, best way to see what your gut is telling you post the dog walk.

Sunflower8710 · 29/08/2023 23:56

Add a listening device to the dog’s collar

socialdilemmawhattodo · 29/08/2023 23:57

Walesagogo · 29/08/2023 23:30

Go along. He's relying on you not going. Just go and go and piss on her chips. If you usually hold hands, still do that on your walk. Then decide if you're happy for him to continue. I'd actually be tempted to go along everytime.

This (and as many other pps have also said). Just be there. Even better - send "D"H off with both dogs for a very long diversion and have words with the new lady friend. I would be polite but blunt. It is the start of an emotional affair - more often than not this leads on to a sexual affair. You say DH is normally isolated? I would be very much encouraging new hobbies and activities.

EmilyBrontesGhost · 29/08/2023 23:58

I agree with all those saying she fancies him and he's flattered.

Nip this in the bud by going on the dog walks with them.

JudyGemstone · 29/08/2023 23:58

You can subtly suss her out/put her in her place without being confrontational or obvious. Ask her if she’s dating and make a comment around her being young. That sort of thing.

tiredofthenoise · 30/08/2023 00:00

I'd also suggest going on one of their walks to get a feel for the relationship. Maybe observing them together will set your fears to rest, even if you and she don't become instant best friends. 😂If you still find the situation uncomfortable, you should tell him so. See if he's open to dialing back their friendship out of respect for your feelings. If he resists too vehemently, I'd be worried.

(I don't think it's necessarily odd that he doesn't reply to her messages right away. Some people can be very full-on with messages, even with casual friends, and delaying the reply manages things a bit and keeps them from chattering at you non-stop all day. On the other hand, it could indicate that he knows she's a little too into him and is trying to hold her at bay without cutting her off completely.)

EKGEMS · 30/08/2023 00:02

I hope your hubby is neutered wouldn't want any litters of unwanted puppies

JoIo · 30/08/2023 00:04

People really can't have dog walking friends? Wowzers. Some batshit replies on here.

Mari9999 · 30/08/2023 00:05

The man found someone locally who was interested and available to take part in doggy play dates. He didn't place an order , he simply accepted the person who was available and interested. Had a 70 year old female expressed interest and availability he would probably have gone that route.

If your marriage is endanger or threatened by this relationship, maybe your relationship was not very solid to begin with. Perhaps he should place an add saying "elderly unattractive senior citizens are needing as dog walking companions." must pass the wife's sniff test.,"

alpenguin · 30/08/2023 00:06

Can you not join them sometimes or is it always during work time, through the week?

I can’t say if they’re having an affair or not based on your info. It certainly sounds like she could “like like” him and he may or may not reciprocate but he will be enjoying the attention from a younger woman. Who wouldn’t?

It’s not your job to warn her off though. He’s not a possession, he is an autonomous human being who ought to take into consideration your discomfort at their blossoming friendship and act accordingly. If he doesn’t then you need to assess whether you’re willing to have him prioritise he wee doggy pal over his wife and her feelings.

Devilsmommy · 30/08/2023 00:07

BusinessClass · 29/08/2023 23:20

His head is turning faster than the demon in The Exorcist.

Sorry but🤣🤣🤣

LizzieSiddal · 30/08/2023 00:09

I would definitely be joking them on the next walk.

Notmytotoro · 30/08/2023 00:11

Mari9999 · 30/08/2023 00:05

The man found someone locally who was interested and available to take part in doggy play dates. He didn't place an order , he simply accepted the person who was available and interested. Had a 70 year old female expressed interest and availability he would probably have gone that route.

If your marriage is endanger or threatened by this relationship, maybe your relationship was not very solid to begin with. Perhaps he should place an add saying "elderly unattractive senior citizens are needing as dog walking companions." must pass the wife's sniff test.,"

This.

Conniption · 30/08/2023 00:12

Its really common for people cheating to invite their partner to meet the OW so they can talk about them and make it all seem above board. So him constantly inviting you wouldnt put my mind at rest at all.

Id up front ask him why he hasnt bonded with any of the male dog walkers/owners and he can only bond with a 23year old woman. Either he is emotionally immature (if nothing going on) or he is flattered by the attention, no matter how much he delays replying, thinking he's being superior and that this makes any kind of difference at all.

What a twat

MsRosley · 30/08/2023 00:17

You're wary and a bit jealous, and that's understandable. Yes, it looks like she has a crush on your DH, and that would wind me up too, especially if he didn't immediately shut it down by distancing himself from her. He should make some excuse and put a stop to the walks, for all of your sakes. Perhaps it would help to point out how he would feel in your shoes.

Lizlibrarian · 30/08/2023 00:19

I have recently started a friendship with an older male. Met in our local cafe. I message him a couple of times a week and we do meet occasionally. I'm a female in my 30s, hes 50. Both married. Spouses have no issues with it. Me and friend have a hobby in common that is how we got talking. Is this not allowed these days? He's not my only male friend. People on here are insecure.