DP didn't come home last night

[sundaysareafunday]

DP went out last night, absolutely fine, he would normally be back midnightish but know this can be sometimes like 3 when him and his friends have a good time and end up at a club. I don't sleep great when he is out as I'm sort of waiting for him to come in and aware he hasn't. Called a couple of times at around 3.30 and he called back shortly after, said he was fine they'd all gone back to a friends house and he'd be home shortly. He messaged at 5.30 to say sorry he'd fell asleep, back shortly. It's now 9.30 and still not back. I assume he's fine and managed to get a lot more sleep than me, I feel like I haven't slept at all. I don't think there's any funny business happened and he is just on a friends sofa. We have lunch out today booked with some of his family though, AIBU to now not go, I feel and look horrendous and slightly peeved at his selfishness as I'm nearly 20 weeks pregnant and he knows how I worry if he stays out all night, luckily it's only ever happened once before.

I think it's really shitty not coming home Does he have a form for this sort of stuff?

Your level of anxiety when he is out is definitely not normal esp as he has been in touch a few times.

I think you'll be massively overreacting to not go for lunch because he stayed at his mates.

How did you manage to sleep before you met him and then lived with him?

Why didn't he just say he was staying at his mates, either in advance, at 3.30 or at 5.30? Ridiculous of him to keep you hanging when he could've easily said at midnight, you go to sleep, I'm staying out, see you in the morning.

Maybe when he goes out he could arrange to stay at a friends and come back in the morning? Then your not waiting for him to come back, or getting woken up by him coming in drunk

Not going to lunch sounds like an attempt to punish him for going out with his friends. It’s only 9:45, you did get some sleep, you’ve got plenty of time to lie in bed and rest, have a shower and get ready. It’s not the fault of the people you’re meant to be meeting.

Shitty of him.

I would just go to the lunch. But when he comes back say, “look- you’ve messed me around here, I had no sleep, you could have just said you were staying over at Dave’s”.

Realistically his days of doing this are about to come to an end once the baby arrives.

Very childish of you to punish him by not going out for lunch

Don’t go and use him as your excuse.
”Sorry, I feel wrecked as DH did not come home last night and I didn’t sleep waiting up for him.”

I don't think she's trying to punish him by not going for lunch she's just too tired to go due to his selfishness keeping her up all night!

I'd still go out for lunch, then chill out this afternoon. Explain to your dh not to do it again or to let you know he's staying at friends at the start of his night so you can sleep without listening out for him.

@scrantonelectriccity exactly, I was actually really looking forward to it, I'm not trying to punish him or cause an issue

@rand0mstuff it's not so much anxiety of him not being back, I worry about him yes, but it's more you're almost just listening out to be woken up any minute

Stripping it back what's he actually done wrong? Is it simply just that you wanted him home? If so why? So you knew where he was? Trust issues? Or that you don't sleep when he's not there? That's a bit unfair to him if it's because you don't sleep, can he never be without you in that case? Holidays, weekends away, work trips?

But he didn’t keep her up all night. She kept herself up all night. He’s a grown ass adult. Don’t get me wrong I’m not one of the “cool wives” before someone says it and used to be like this fretting over another adult and playing the martyr. Your priority is yourself and your baby growing in your belly. Go get some rest now and you’ll be perfectly fine for lunch.

I don't think she's being unreasonable she wasn't able to sleep properly. The op was A) probably listening out for him B) used to sleeping next to him. She may have managed to sleep perfectly fine on her own before meeting him, but if she's been sharing a bed with him for the last few years, I don't think it's unreasonable she struggled to sleep with out him there. I would be the same if it were my husband. I'm used to the body next to me in the bed 🤷‍♀️

YABU. He told you he was at his friends, you could have said ok see you in the morning and go to sleep

As a pp said this anxiety about not sleeping until he gets is bad and something you should look at.

It would be petty to not go for lunch.

I m like you and don’t sleep great until everyone is back home. Dd was working until 2am this morning and ds was out clubbing. I was ready for a sleepless night but ds text to say he was staying at his mates. Queue a better night sleep.

Its common courtesy to let people you live with know that you won’t be back home that night.

i wouldn’t mention lunch out and if he comes home in time just tell him you haven’t slept well and you are going back to bed.

He should have been better at letting you know what was going on, but I don’t think your husband kipping on a mate’s sofa after a night out is a big deal at all. Once you knew where he was, I don’t really get why you were still unable to sleep.

I’d rather my DP had slept at a friend’s house than stumbled through the door drunk in the early hours and woken me up by crawling into bed!

I think it would be petty for you to refuse to go to lunch in retaliation. If it’s any consolation I suspect going to a family meal with a raging hangover will be punishment enough.

If you don't feel up to the lunch just don't go. He should have let you know he wouldn't be home, a text would have taken seconds.

It sounds like he intended to come back but fell back asleep. Not ideal but not the end of the world either. It's a shame you couldn't sleep but most people manage to still go about their day after one bad nights sleep so I'm sure you'll be fine for lunch. Just have a nap after or get an early night sounds like this was a once off rather than a pattern and he did stay in contact so you knew nothing bad had happened so I couldnt get too angry about it all

i think he is totally out of order for not coming home. He is a grown adult about to be a father so should be more responsible. If you’re going to stay out all night, arrange it before hand, so you can tell your partner I’m staying out and will be home in the morning, you don’t just leave them at home worrying!

With regards to the dinner, if you are too tired to go then I don’t think it’s unreasonable not to go, given you didn’t get alot of sleep due to your partner but it’s a shame if you was looking forward to it.

You knew where he was, that he was safe. this is anxiety of not being able to sleep without him is on you. It’s pretty obvious he was to out of it to wake up properly and make his way home. Be annoyed with him for not being straight and just saying he’ll sleep
it off at his mates but ruining your own lunch out because of this is passive aggressive.

Yabu to not go to lunch. Only, yubwill have to do a lot more on a lot less sleep when the baby arrives.

Next time you should both agree that you expect him out all night or he could sleep in the spare room, book a hotel or stay at a friends house so you know not to expect him back in bed. If he comes home then it's a bonus.

I do sympathise with you to some degree, I can't settle if DP stays up later as I'm subconsciously waiting to be woken up.

Bet he is going to be the life and soul at lunchtime.

You had contact at 3.30 then again at 5.30. You know he's safe. He can decide for himself how he comes and goes. Stop worrying.