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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be nervous about wanting a baby shower?

206 replies

Louisefo · 26/08/2023 19:37

Just wondering what people’s views are on baby showers. First time round they were considered very American, but I’m keen to have one this time round. I just feel nervous not everyone will support the idea. What are people’s attitudes on here?

OP posts:
Willthispaingoaway · 26/08/2023 19:38

I dislike these. I find it grabby. It then makes it awkward when baby is born and you don’t feel you can visit empty handed.

TeaKitten · 26/08/2023 19:39

Mumsnet hates baby showers, but they are popular in real life. Maybe ask friends opinions on them to gage the opinion of those you’d be inviting.

FasciaDreams · 26/08/2023 19:39

It's usually someone other than the new parent who organises them OP. It's quite crass to ask people for gifts yourself.
Nothing wrong with throwing a party though and specifying 'no gifts'?

Sunshineclouds11 · 26/08/2023 19:40

Most people I know have them!
I didn't have one as I didn't want people to think they had to buy the baby something 🙈😂

Bonbonbonbonbons · 26/08/2023 19:40

Urgh. No class, grabby, cheap.

FasciaDreams · 26/08/2023 19:41

Also 'shower' comes from the term 'shower' of gifts.
I mean, it can work, if these are people who would buy gifts for baby anyway. But otherwise bit grabby IMO.

https://www.madeformums.com/pregnancy/how-to-organise-a-baby-shower/

Bluesclues1 · 26/08/2023 19:41

They’re so dull to attend.

TiramisuTastesDreamy · 26/08/2023 19:41

Sorry….think they are awful … it’s a crass tradition borrowed from another country.

BHRK · 26/08/2023 19:42

Tacky. And wait until the baby is here and the delivery has worked out well

Spanne · 26/08/2023 19:42

Can you just have lunch or afternoon tea with your friends? Doesn’t have to be labelled as a baby shower.

Accountdetailss · 26/08/2023 19:43

I don’t like them and personally feel a baby shouldn’t be celebrated until it has safely entered the world. I didn’t have one for any of my children.

UnaVaca · 26/08/2023 19:43

I find it odd to celebrate when the baby isn’t safely delivered.
they are grabby particularly when it’s your second pregnancy!

buzzlightyearsgloves · 26/08/2023 19:43

Go for a pre baby lunch instead and specify no gifts? Baby shower are boring to attend and just crass and grabby.

peasblue · 26/08/2023 19:44

It might be odd for your second, maybe have the shower bit but explicitly say on the invites no gifts necessary as this is a second child, might take the awkwardness out of the gift situation? (Although I'd still feel like I have to give something ha, but tbh if I'm going to a shower I'd likely be close enough to them to get them a present either way, it would just mean I'd give it at the shower instead of after the birth).

Flamingogirl08 · 26/08/2023 19:44

Mumsnet hates them but everybody I know has them. I've been to loads so when I was pregnant I had one.

My sister organised it and it was an afternoon tea with some games etc. It was lovely really.

Do have you a sister or best friend that can just take over and organise it all for you?

Oh and congratulations!

ttcttc · 26/08/2023 19:45

I was in two minds but I'm having one. More of a get together but with no presents. I wondered if I would regret not getting everyone together, and everyone else has had one.
I'll be doing cakes and party bags and everyone is paying for their own food (like I have at everyone elses)

Mumsnet hates them so take the comments with a pinch of salt x

Hesma · 26/08/2023 19:45

Tacky and grabby, if you must have one only remotely acceptable for a first baby

edwinbear · 26/08/2023 19:45

I’m superstitious about them too. The time for celebrating new babies, is when they are here safely.

foulksmills · 26/08/2023 19:45

Baby showers are like viruses. They're given to you by someone else.

QuillBill · 26/08/2023 19:46

There's nothing wrong with just inviting your friends to a meal or something but like a pp poster says it puts me off seeing the baby later because I've already celebrated the baby coming.

WeeOrcadian · 26/08/2023 19:46

They're cringe and grabby

To each their own though

Ohmylovejune · 26/08/2023 19:46

I've been to.one that was like going out to.lunch but with some.people I've not met before. I took a gift but only what I'd have given anyway. I won't take another when I visit them (it's twins). I enjoyed myself but it doesn't sound as ostentatious as some are.

Plus there was no night gender reveal which I find cringy, because the parents wanted to wait

JADS · 26/08/2023 19:49

I had a baby shower. That's what it was called, but it wasn't quite what you see on the TV. It was a small group of women who knew the issues I had had with infertility. Everyone bought a plate and there were no presents. We chatted about baby things. It was lovely.

I also went to a baby shower of a friend for her second baby. Her first baby was a preemie and she had missed out on quite a lot of things. We had afternoon tea and some bought gifts but there was no list or expectation.

It can be something nice to mark a big change that is coming. It doesn't need to be a raging tack fest.

yogasaurus · 26/08/2023 19:50

I’ve never been to one, it’s my own personal achievement to never attend one. I always have plans if asked

meditrina · 26/08/2023 19:51

A shower is traditionally only to mark when someone becomes a mother for the first time, and her closest friends organise an occasion where they "shower" her with gifts of things she would not have needed before the arrival of a baby.

So if you really want one this time around, bear in mind that you're already being non-traditional by having one for a subsequent baby (unless the DC are at such long spacing anyone would have got rid of all the baby kit).

I'd urge you not to depart further from tradition, so do not host it yourself (or it will look very grabby)

If you just want to host a party, without obligatory gift giving, as a nice celebration, then do not call it a shower (for a comparison, everyone in the US knows the difference between a bridal shower and a bachelorette (ie hen) party)