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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be nervous about wanting a baby shower?

206 replies

Louisefo · 26/08/2023 19:37

Just wondering what people’s views are on baby showers. First time round they were considered very American, but I’m keen to have one this time round. I just feel nervous not everyone will support the idea. What are people’s attitudes on here?

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 01/09/2023 14:27

Almost as awful as the dreaded Gender (or Sex to be correct) reveal party …

s4usagefingers · 01/09/2023 15:10

I’ve not had one as we decided we’ll just go for the old fashioned christening route but I have been to a couple that were just some nibbles and cups of tea at her house and it was honestly just really nice to get together. You can always have one and do it any which way you like. I did buy a little gift but I didn’t buy one after baby was born.

TheYadaYada · 01/09/2023 15:47

ExtraOnions · 01/09/2023 14:27

Almost as awful as the dreaded Gender (or Sex to be correct) reveal party …

Absolutely!

I know it’s an American thing, but it’s awful!

My friend’s sister in the US just had one whereby the dad hit and smashed a baseball full of coloured powder. It was a big affair, food, drinks, dozens of people all dressed in baseball gear. All for finding out the sex (does anyone actually care apart from the parents?).

M4J4 · 01/09/2023 15:57

mathanxiety · 01/09/2023 03:16

Wow, it's truly amazing how a perfectly lovely American custom has been corrupted and mangled and grotesquely misinterpreted in British hands.

The entire point of a shower is to give gifts. It's not any old party (and it doesn't have to involve games, or even 'cringe' games). It's a celebration with the specific intent of honoring the mother to be and giving her items she and the baby will need. Sniffing at this and asserting 'different values' (code for British superiority) is bizarre and imo just plain contrary.

Show quote history

I also get the impression things are more regimented in the US, e.g. bride and groom get annoyed when people give a cash gift that doesn't cover the cost of their wedding meal.

It also seems cheeky to me to put things like car seats and cribs on your baby shower list. Those are the types of things in the UK that a grandparent may gift, but not friends ordinarily.

I think Americans do expect more in terms of gifts.

Which is fine if that's the culture, as I assume it evens out over time.

E.g. I understand Irish people can gift €200-300 as a wedding present. That is not the norm in the UK, but I assume it evens out for those in Ireland.

Birch101 · 01/09/2023 16:42

Question is why do you want one?
My cousin just did a girls lunch so she could chat and see everyone before going down the rabbit hole of parenthood. I liked that.

Then I've been to one's where you have to do silly games and fill in questions and really not my thing, and would just say I was busy

FasciaDreams · 01/09/2023 19:56

M4J4 · 01/09/2023 15:57

I also get the impression things are more regimented in the US, e.g. bride and groom get annoyed when people give a cash gift that doesn't cover the cost of their wedding meal.

It also seems cheeky to me to put things like car seats and cribs on your baby shower list. Those are the types of things in the UK that a grandparent may gift, but not friends ordinarily.

I think Americans do expect more in terms of gifts.

Which is fine if that's the culture, as I assume it evens out over time.

E.g. I understand Irish people can gift €200-300 as a wedding present. That is not the norm in the UK, but I assume it evens out for those in Ireland.

Show quote history

People give large sums of money in my culture too for weddings and babies. If all goes well things do 'even out' but not all the time. E.g. a change of fortunes. Of course, because of the need to preserve a social reputation (before the gossips get going r.e. said change of fortunes) people feel the need to keep up, even getting into debt to do so!
Personally that's why I've always taken a dim view of these things and am quite happy that it's not the case in the U.K.

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