Page 3 | AIBU to be nervous about wanting a baby shower?

Louisefo · 2023-08-26T18:37:27+00:00

Just wondering what people’s views are on baby showers. First time round they were considered very American, but I’m keen to have one this time round. I just feel nervous not everyone will support the idea. What are people’s attitudes on here?

HMW1906 · 26/08/2023 20:19

Honestly I find the gift giving a bit much. I’m more than happy to give a gift at the baby shower but then feel like there’s an expectation to then bring a gift if you visit once the baby is born too as is generally the rule in the U.K. After 2 gifts and the cost of attending the baby shower you’ve paid out in the region of £100. I go to baby showers for very close friends or family but make my
excuses for any others I’m invited to and just send a gift after birth instead to save myself £60-70.

My3cents1 · 26/08/2023 20:21

OP, why are you keen to have one?

foolishone · 26/08/2023 20:22

I like them and think you should ignore all the people on here who basically hate having friends.

Ok they can be a bit tacky but they don't have to be. If you like your friends and family then why would you not want an excuse to celebrate with them?

Nice lunch, chat, cake, gifts. Don't see what the hate is tbh.

Figgygal · 26/08/2023 20:24

Think theyre grim and another symptom of this performative world we live in with balloon arches and other tat all for the gram.

ItsNotRocketSalad · 26/08/2023 20:26

I like them and think you should ignore all the people on here who basically hate having friends.

I adore my friends. One of the reasons is they don't expect to be showered with gifts.

foolishone · 26/08/2023 20:26

Figgygal · 26/08/2023 20:24

Think theyre grim and another symptom of this performative world we live in with balloon arches and other tat all for the gram.

I've been to loads and thrown them. They're definitely not as you describe.

Maybe you need to spend less time on insta.

meditrina · 26/08/2023 20:27

Hating having friends, hating having parties, or any other form of hate, is not a synonym for an opinion on a shower.

Which is, of course, a specific "shower with gifts" gathering - traditionally only done once to mark transition to maternity, and not hosted by the honouree.

There are many other types of party that can be held to celebrate your 1st, 2nd or nth baby. Celebrating with friends is always appropriate and joyous. But that can be done in ways other than by having a shower thrown for you

foolishone · 26/08/2023 20:31

meditrina · 26/08/2023 20:27

Hating having friends, hating having parties, or any other form of hate, is not a synonym for an opinion on a shower.

Which is, of course, a specific "shower with gifts" gathering - traditionally only done once to mark transition to maternity, and not hosted by the honouree.

There are many other types of party that can be held to celebrate your 1st, 2nd or nth baby. Celebrating with friends is always appropriate and joyous. But that can be done in ways other than by having a shower thrown for you

Surely you can see there is a trend on here for seeming to dislike any social occasion.

There's also regular threads about posters choosing not to have friends and only spending time with their immediate family.

There's all the hen do/wedding hate too.

Feels all part of the same thing to me. With the added snobbery.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 26/08/2023 20:33

I was going to have a big lavish baby shower then decided against it as it wasn't me at all.

Decided to have a small lunch Instead with my family and MIL/SIL and nieces & nephew. Was so lovely and intimate and no cringy games where required 😂

MaidOfSteel · 26/08/2023 20:35

They still are American and just make you look grabby. You are asking to be 'showered' with presents, after all..

CrazyArmadilloLady · 26/08/2023 20:36

Why are you keen to have one, if it’s making you nervous?

It’s not for me - I don’t like being the centre of attention, and hate any sort of expectation of gifts.

I will go to other people’s - would enjoy myself much more if it was just a get-together chatting and catching up, without games and such like.

The whole ‘shower’ concept just feels really off to me.

I love giving people gifts, and in cultures outside the US, it’s utterly normal to buy a new gift for a baby (and again if they get Christened).

We don’t need to be told to give a gift, and then told what to buy.

Nevermind31 · 26/08/2023 20:43

Didn’t know it was a thing with my first - for my second my two closest (mum) friends said they know I don’t want a shower, but they wanted to take me out for afternoon tea. Which was lovely.

Nevermind31 · 26/08/2023 20:44

Nevermind31 · 26/08/2023 20:43

Didn’t know it was a thing with my first - for my second my two closest (mum) friends said they know I don’t want a shower, but they wanted to take me out for afternoon tea. Which was lovely.

Pressed to soon… I’d happily attend a get together, but would find games and present opening really cringeworthy

Cookiecrumblepie · 26/08/2023 20:50

A celebration hosted for you by your nearest and dearest is lovely and not at all grabby. Celebrating life’s big moments is fine. Don’t understand the loathing on this thread for baby showers. Obviously throwing yourself a party and demanding gifts is odd, but to be fair if people don’t want to attend they don’t have to.

ASoapImpressionOfHisWifeWhichHeAte · 26/08/2023 20:53

I hate them, not especially from a "grabby" gifts POV but because I find them infantilising. I don't want to play some weird game involving "pin the bib on the baby" or whatever. Men don't have to put up with this patronising shit.

Proudgypsy · 26/08/2023 20:57

I usually disagree with most of the things that MN randomly decide to hate, but on this I agree. They're absolutely dreadful.

xyz111 · 26/08/2023 20:58

I did a baby shower bbq. Me and women invited. More like a get together before baby came.

I have been to a few and I don't find them grabby. But then we don't take gifts when baby is born, as it's all done beforehand at the baby shower.

Ssme92 · 26/08/2023 20:59

I am not really a fan of them but have attended a few. They are expensive. I ended up getting all the babies 2 presents, one to gift at the shower, and one to give when I went to visit the baby with my other half. Two were filled with ridiculous games that I hated doing. One was an extremely expensive afternoon tea in the most expensive hotel locally. I think it's a lot to ask of people. I agree with others who suggested a nice lunch before the baby comes with no expectation to bring a gift.

yogasaurus · 26/08/2023 21:01

Proudgypsy · 26/08/2023 20:57

I usually disagree with most of the things that MN randomly decide to hate, but on this I agree. They're absolutely dreadful.

Agreed. The games, the sickly cupcakes, the sheer grabiness of it all

Ssme92 · 26/08/2023 21:02

And just to add, at every single one (most were first time mums but one wasn't), the mother was told how absolutely horrendous her life was about to get, while all the women in attendance cackled at the upcoming sore boobs, labour pain, sleepless nights, etc etc! Horrible!

TheFairyCaravan · 26/08/2023 21:02

DDIL is pregnant with her and DS2’s first baby, who is also the first grandchild on both sides. Her mum is doing a baby shower for her and had asked me to help because I’m the other Nanny. We’ve got two of her friends helping too, because we don’t have a clue. DDIL has asked that, instead of bringing presents, people bring their favourite childhood book for the baby.

Cas112 · 26/08/2023 21:03

There's a certain age of women that will be saying they find them grabby.. women who had babies at a time baby showers wasn't a thing. If it's what you want op do it and enjoy the day with your nearest and dearest.

I had a baby shower thrown for me as a surprise and I'm glad I did as it's now a nice memory for me.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 26/08/2023 21:04

My friend had a baby shower... Except it wasn't really a shower!

We all met for a fancy afternoon tea, I made goody bags for the guest and she was clear she didn't want presents. It was more of a get together whilst she could then a traditional shower. Some people bought presents, which was fine, others gave gifts once she gave birth.

StBernie · 26/08/2023 21:08

I don’t mind them for a first baby but not for second/third/fourth. It seems a bit greedy since you would in theory already have all the important baby stuff you need from the first one so why ask for more.

If it’s just for fun and you ask people not to bring presents then that’s also fine.

foolishone · 26/08/2023 21:10

ASoapImpressionOfHisWifeWhichHeAte · 26/08/2023 20:53

I hate them, not especially from a "grabby" gifts POV but because I find them infantilising. I don't want to play some weird game involving "pin the bib on the baby" or whatever. Men don't have to put up with this patronising shit.

But the games etc are not compulsory and lots don't do them.

I think some we have guessed sex and suggested names.

Thinking of some I've gone to recently, none involved cheesy games.
One we went for lunch, took gifts (because we wanted to) and had a lovely time.

Another we hired a room, decorated it and had afternoon tea. People made cakes to bring, we listened to music, both grandmothers were there, family and friends. It was so nice to get everyone together to celebrate our lovely friend getting ready to have her baby.

I don't think we celebrate each other enough. I'm pretty cynical in lots of ways but I'm all for a party.