AIBU to be nervous about wanting a baby shower?

[Louisefo]

Just wondering what people’s views are on baby showers. First time round they were considered very American, but I’m keen to have one this time round. I just feel nervous not everyone will support the idea. What are people’s attitudes on here?

I really dislike them, but probably because the ones I’ve been to have been: a) very overt “please give me loads of gifts!” affairs and b) involved annoying cringey games.

I wouldn’t mind an afternoon tea or lunch out or something but showers seem to have gone the way of hen dos - just massively OTT.

Love the idea of everyone bringing a favourite childhood book fora gift. My sister wants to organise it for me and I think it could be a really nice event. She’s quite a bit younger than me and seems to go to them all the time. She suggested a get together at my house, no games have been mentioned!!

Or not opening doors 😂
I largely agree, but I also think a lot of things have become 'major events', for want of a better word.
Hen dos - multi-day trips involving a lot of co-ordination, expense, large group and invariably someone gets upset.
Weddings - in some 'venue' in the middle of nowhere (not near the couple even) that requires an overnight stay... expensive accommodation due to the captive market of wedding guests but also prices have risen across the board.

I'm very social, any excuse for a get-together but everything is such a faff and costs so much these days.

FWIW my hen do was a trip abroad (but with 4 people, mutually agreed) and my wedding a daytime near city centre do. No need for overnights (which pleased quite a few guests!) but if they wanted, plenty of accommodation at various prices... some of the more budget conscious are staying a bit out of the way and taking public transport.

One of my siblings got invited to a shower for a 6th baby - now how the organiser sent those invites out with a straight face, I’ll never know!

so is it you that wants it or her? sounds nice, just call it something else and say no gifts. will be fine

I have one piece of advice based on my experience as a father.
If you take your baby with you to a baby shower remember to bring him home.
My wife went to a friends house as the friend had organised a shower for our son. My wife returned home after a good visit and she brought loads of gifts with her. I asked, “Where is Simon?” My wife looked panicked, we drove back to the friends, our son, Siman, was still asleep in his carry cot under the table and totally unaware that his mum had forgotten him.

I am having a baby come fawn over me and buy me stuff. Suffice to say I detest the things.

That's such a gorgeous idea.

Absolutely have one if you want one. It’s a lovely opportunity to get together with close friends, get excited about having your baby and enjoy a baby free evening. You don’t need to ask for gifts and people will get you gifts if they feel they want to. I loved mine organised by my best friend with three other friends from school. Have a wonderful time.

They are a truly lovely American tradition mangled out of all recognition when they first arrived in the UK.

Fixed that for ya.

Nervous that you'll be considered grabby and people may judge for asking others to put on a party to give you gifts?!

In the US, where baby showers originated, you bring a casserole or lasagna, fresh fruit, etc. when you go to visit after a baby is born.

Same here. I feel quite uncomfortable about them. I personally couldn't bear to sit there and have all this attention and gifts for being pregnant. If people want to come and see the baby once it's arrived and bring a little gift then fine.

I never had one. Felt it was tempting providence.

Not a fan of baby showers, gender reveals, bridal showers etc. I'm not anti-social but these events all seem very tacky and grabby. There's enough gift giving with Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Easter, weddings, baby births and everything else I've forgotten. Sometimes it's just nice to have casual BBQs and dinners with friends. I just feel like everything is an event now! Maybe I'm just at that age (early/mid 30s).

In the original American form, they are not one bit grabby. They are organised by family and friends of the mother to be in her honour, to celebrate the fact that she's going to be a mother and to equip her with what she and the baby will need.

The grabby, self-hosted bit happened in the UK, sorry to inform you.

What do you mean by “a certain age”?

I’m 34. I find the idea of them in a U.K./Ireland context to be grabby.

It’s tradition where I’m from (Ireland) that the celebration waits until baby is here safely and the mother is in good health after birth. There is a lot of superstition in some families- my own SIL wouldn’t even have new baby stuff in her house in case it tempted fate. She stored it with another family member until she needed it, and she’s younger than me.

But yes by all means, carry on with the casual ageism, don’t bother thinking about how people’s existing traditions and backgrounds influence how they look at things.

'Showered with presents', 'equip' her with what she needs. = bring gifts, whichever wording you choose.
In the U.K gifts are given when visiting, which is probably why people don't like them as the expectations are confusing.
Also nobody should be relying on other people to fund their baby stuff. Especially as so much of it will be used for such a short time... babies grow so fast!

My close five friends and I did baby showers for each other. We had nibbles and played games and just enjoyed spending time together before the new baby arrived. Gifts were funny or useful and not expensive and we kept it to the 6 of us. They don’t have to be expensive or tacky or grabby, they can be a fun time to celebrate your pregnancy.

I agree!
Happy to attend a get-together. For no other reason than 'I wanted one' but the gifts, organising etc etc is too much. I'm a similar age to you...

Nah, they're awful and grabby no matter who "hosts."

US mothers have no statutory maternity leave or pay, and can be anticipating a substantial medical bill for the birth if they don’t have decent insurance. Other essentials, like childcare and even formula are also much more expensive.

I can see why it’s become a tradition there for family and friends to try and help shore up the financial side before the baby is born.

Afternoon Tea at home with a few friends & specify no presents until baby is born.

Awful!

Oooh that makes sense actually. For the U.S.
And makes it even more grabby to have one here where we have free maternity care and UC to top up your income even on statutory mat pay.