AIBU to be nervous about wanting a baby shower?

[Louisefo]

Just wondering what people’s views are on baby showers. First time round they were considered very American, but I’m keen to have one this time round. I just feel nervous not everyone will support the idea. What are people’s attitudes on here?

Lunch parties are nice. Organising an event so people can give you presents is less so.

They're ridiculous and grabby. Especially if you've already had a baby? Just go for a nice meal out with friends to celebrate?

It doesn’t really matter what anyone on here thinks because they wo t be invited to yours will they.

Do you have someone who would organise one for you? I wouldn’t organise it myself

Well it looks like OP has already had one, so not quite a big change, but...
I mean, I love celebrations, happy to have them and would happily go. Just find the gift expectation tasteless. The clue's in the name 'shower' = to shower the expectant mother with gifts. Same for a bridal shower.

I dislike baby showers although I've been to a couple when they've been for close friends.

I prefer to wait until a baby has safely arrived before I celebrate and buy them a gift, so at both I've taken a gift for Mum, and then bought one for baby later.

I don’t believe a baby should be celebrated until they are born and in your arms.

I would never have a baby shower myself. But I have attended my friends’ baby showers, just to be polite!

I've declined every baby shower invitation I've ever gotten.

This is what 2 of my friends did for me when I said 'hard no' to a baby shower. I agreed to afternoon tea for the 3 of us but not labelling it a baby shower, just tea with special friends.

I don't mind them; but I wouldn't have one for a second baby. I think it's a first baby thing. And I say that as someone who didn't have one for her first; and likes the idea of them (although I'd do it as a casual pre-baby thing; with no gift expectations) but wouldn't do it for a subsequent baby.

I didn’t have/want one and I do find them boring to attend. I didn’t realise that view was so common as they seem very popular in general!

Never had one for either of mine and find them incredibly grabby, especially when they are for anything other than the first baby. As somebody said up thread, they were originally intended to be for first time mums to be ‘showered’ with gifts and given advice from those around her.

It really boils my pee when people have them for their 2/3/4 baby.

Luckily, my friends feel the same and therefore I’ve only had to swerve work colleague ones!

Have to agree - don't call it a baby shower. It suggests you want to be bought loads of presents, it's not really the done thing for a second child, it can cause upset for those suffering with infertility etc. By all means get your friends together before baby comes because it's nice to spend time with friends but tell them it isn't a baby shower.

Also, @Louisefo it sounds like you’re thinking of arranging your own, which is not the ‘done thing’. It’s meant to be somebody arranging it for you.

Arranging your own screams of ‘bring me gifts’!

Hate them- bearable if there is no cost to attendees and no gift register

I've never met anyone who has actually had a baby shower. It has always seemed a very mercenary and greedy thing to do especially as the baby hasn't even arrived. I think it's just another unnecessary Americanism.

Honestly? They’re the faff of going to a hen party, but only without the promise of alcohol and a decent night out to make up for having to socialise with your friends in-laws and work colleagues.

They have their purpose in the US, but over here there isn’t the same culture of having them, and it all feels a bit forced.

I have managed to have had excuses to avoid any I have been invited to. Must go to one once to see how bad they really are.

Why are you so keen to have one? For the gifts/money, for the look at me me me attention? I cannot think of a single endearing trait that could make someone want one.

As bad as gender reveals.

If you're feeling nervous then there's nothing wrong with having a bit of a pre baby party. If it's the presents you want, then there's no way to dress it up. They seem to be wildly accepted IRL. People on here aren't keen on the idea so just ignore any snippy posts

I honestly would have loved to have had a baby shower but unfortunately I never got the opportunity as I just didn’t have a circle of friends or family to organise one for me. I think it’s a lovely celebration.

Greedy.

I have no issue with baby showers if given for the right reason. A small gathering of close friends and family to celebrate together a joyful event is lovely. An event that rivals a wedding is size, scale and expense, not so much.

You met up with your mates for a night in/out, which is lovely. It wasn't a "baby shower" which is specifically an event to "shower" the mum to be with gifts for the baby.

Do we really want any further americanisation of our society? Any more individualism, more materialism, perhaps more guns, maybe we could remove bodily autonomy for women or free at the point of delivery healthcare? Or maybe we can slash employee's rights to the point that employers basically own them? Aren't the hideous proms now held by schools where everyone tries their very best to outdo each other by frittering away cash enough for you OP?

America and American traditions are not something to strive for, including grabby baby showers.

I didn’t really want a baby shower but my best friends really wanted to organise one for me. It was a great day, more of a party with lots of champagne (not for me), cake and a chance to have all my closest friends together. We didn’t do games or anything, and I told people I didn’t expect gifts although I did receive them. I wouldn’t have one for a second baby though, but that’s my personal opinion.