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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be nervous about wanting a baby shower?

206 replies

Louisefo · 26/08/2023 19:37

Just wondering what people’s views are on baby showers. First time round they were considered very American, but I’m keen to have one this time round. I just feel nervous not everyone will support the idea. What are people’s attitudes on here?

OP posts:
MCOut · 01/09/2023 04:05

I always enjoy attending them. It’s just an excuse to get together, play games and eat. Most showers I’ve been to have specified that gifts are not necessary but people do usually bring one anyway. I’ve never really thought that they are grabby because by the time the hosts have paid for food, drink, potentially decor they could have just bought the gifts.

pilates · 01/09/2023 04:10

If you want it, go for it.

it would be my idea of hell but I am old.

BlueKaftan · 01/09/2023 04:23

Interesting how many Brits describe them as grabby. Americans don’t have that word in their vocabulary. But then Americans tend to be more positive about life in general/

M4J4 · 01/09/2023 04:28

There is an expectation to give gifts twice, which is annoying. Once at the baby shower, and then again when you go to see mum and baby after birth.

At one stage I was giving so many baby presents (to people I don’t really see often), that I had a shelf of presents bought in the sales to give to people.

Thankfully no one asked for a gift receipt 🤣

M4J4 · 01/09/2023 04:31

BlueKaftan · 01/09/2023 04:23

Interesting how many Brits describe them as grabby. Americans don’t have that word in their vocabulary. But then Americans tend to be more positive about life in general/

Americans invented the term gold digger though. Not very positive!

madeleine85 · 01/09/2023 04:39

Personally I hate them, but I had two (under duress). My friends called called the second one a sprinkle, and it was high tea with a few onesies, and a long overdue catch up, much more my speed. To each their own. You do what makes you happy!

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 01/09/2023 04:44

My honest opinion is that they’re grabby, tacky and attention seeking - well you did ask.

but if it’s the norm in your circle and you want one then just have one. You don’t need to care what stranger on the internet think.

WandaWonder · 01/09/2023 04:44

BlueKaftan · 01/09/2023 04:23

Interesting how many Brits describe them as grabby. Americans don’t have that word in their vocabulary. But then Americans tend to be more positive about life in general/

I am now wondering if guns are optional at baby showers? for guests and/or as gifts?

MrWoodhousecanfeeladraught · 01/09/2023 04:45

If you want one and your friends are all having them then go for it.

Personally I find them embarrassingly self-indulgent and cringy, but in the end it’s down to personal choice.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 01/09/2023 04:46

BlueKaftan · 01/09/2023 04:23

Interesting how many Brits describe them as grabby. Americans don’t have that word in their vocabulary. But then Americans tend to be more positive about life in general/

😂😂 this made me laugh. Americans love consumerism, they’re whole society is about making and spending money. That’s what these things are about. We’re not so fussed. It’s more of a cultural thing. Not really about being positive or negative about life in general.

givingupchocolatemonday · 01/09/2023 04:56

I had one that was planned by my best friend... it was lovely and I'm glad i had it. It makes you feel special for the day.
However, attending baby showers is such a chore. They are all the same and nobody wants to be there Grin

Octosaurus · 01/09/2023 05:06

In the tacky group also soz

Whichwhatnow · 01/09/2023 05:10

I appear to be in the minority here but I love a baby shower! Maybe it's cos I'm (happily) child free but for me it's a rare opportunity to pick out a cute little outfit. Plus spending time with friends/family and celebrating their happiness. I've never had to endure games though, it's usually just afternoon tea or something (with optional wine or whatever for the non pregnant guests). Definitely better than some hen dos I've been on complete with penis straws and blow up dolls and crap 😬

Hungryfrogs23 · 01/09/2023 05:48

I'm not a fan and wouldn't choose to have one or attend one.

  1. I think it's counting your chickens too soon. Celebrate when baby is here safe and sound.
  2. it's a bit tacky.
  3. it feels like a ploy to get more gifts.
  4. honestly, your baby is only really exciting to you.

A colleague of mine had a gender reveal (gifts) a baby shower (gifts) people round once he was born (gifts) then some sort of naming ceremony/baptism thing (gifts). I didn't go to any of the above but I know people generally found it grabby and tedious.

ClickAndCollecting · 01/09/2023 05:53

Dreadful tacky things. Don’t do it!

ClickAndCollecting · 01/09/2023 05:55

WandaWonder · 01/09/2023 04:44

I am now wondering if guns are optional at baby showers? for guests and/or as gifts?

Show quote history

Good point. Nothing says ‘positive about life’ more than gun ownership.

BananaSplitX · 01/09/2023 06:05

I am not a fan purely from medical reasons. I am always surprised when mums to be have them as sadly not every pregnancy results in a baby coming home. Hopefully this will not happen to you, but stats show that 1in 250 babies are stillborn in the uk. That’s 8 babies every day. Celebrate once the baby is safely in your arms, not before.

HoppingPavlova · 01/09/2023 06:22

Absolutely vile, tacky and grabby events. I wouldn’t even attend one of it was my own kids making this sort of misjudgment.

PinkRoses1245 · 01/09/2023 06:37

I’ve organised / attended a few which were all more like a party to celebrate the mum to be and enjoy some time as friends before baby arrives, not focused on gifts. I’m always happy to go to one!

Viralsunflower · 01/09/2023 06:44

I think they're fine for your first baby but not for other ones.
I've been to showers for second babies where I was asked to chip in for massive hampers, spa treatments for the mum, as well as expected to buy a gift myself AND buy one after birth AND pay for my food at the shower. Absolutely not. I'd already bought them stuff first time round.

I also declined 2 invitations to showers when having invasive infertility investigations and was getting hassled by family members of the mum to fill out guess the gender, weight, due date forms and write down my wishes for the baby. Really insensitive when they knew why I had declined.

There seems to be a rise in parties that are basically looking for gifts. For the same child, in the last 14 months, I've been invited to a baby shower, a birth party, a naming ceremony, and a first birthday party. Four parties for the same child. Not first baby.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 01/09/2023 07:21

BlueKaftan · 01/09/2023 04:23

Interesting how many Brits describe them as grabby. Americans don’t have that word in their vocabulary. But then Americans tend to be more positive about life in general/

Have you met your average Trumper…..?

They make up ~ 50% of the population and their entire raison d’être is based on fear and loathing….

TheYadaYada · 01/09/2023 07:26

I’m in the naff/tacky/vulgar/grabby camp.

And do people have to buy you 2 gifts? One for the shower and another when the baby is born? It’s cheeky at best.

FasciaDreams · 01/09/2023 12:49

mathanxiety · 01/09/2023 03:16

Wow, it's truly amazing how a perfectly lovely American custom has been corrupted and mangled and grotesquely misinterpreted in British hands.

The entire point of a shower is to give gifts. It's not any old party (and it doesn't have to involve games, or even 'cringe' games). It's a celebration with the specific intent of honoring the mother to be and giving her items she and the baby will need. Sniffing at this and asserting 'different values' (code for British superiority) is bizarre and imo just plain contrary.

Show quote history

Jokes on you, I'm not British. Married to a Brit.
My own culture has our customs, including bringing gifts and I still have the same opinion. There shouldn't be any event where the sole purpose is to give gifts. You think this is 'beautiful, lovely' blah2, I don't. It's as simple as that.

But then again, you also don't seem to have room for any nuance of opinion and throughout this thread have merely shown outrage at people attacking a 'lovely American custom', using your own anecdotal examples. Unlike you I've never said 'baby shower bad and avoid at all costs'. I merely pointed out that my main issue would be the gift, me and many other people have money issues and in my experience people have thrown a strop at things they perceive to be not enough. To get over this I've also provided a simple solution.

All you've done is counter with your own positive examples but that doesn't erase mine, and carry on being angry at 'American customs being mangled'.

FasciaDreams · 01/09/2023 12:57

Also @mathanxiety you've contradicted yourself many times. You stated, several times, that a baby shower is for bringing things that a mother and baby would NEED. But then you also gave examples of where guests were asked for things like drawings. That's clearly not what they'd need. It's just a symbolic gesture which is excellent.

It's not anybody's job to equip a mother and baby other than the parents themselves. If you disagree well then explains why you love baby showers, according to your definition of their purpose and the rest of us don't.

ItsNotRocketSalad · 01/09/2023 14:21

Wow, it's truly amazing how a perfectly lovely American custom has been corrupted and mangled and grotesquely misinterpreted in British hands

Still waiting to hear how British ones are so different.

Except I'm not really, because they aren't.

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