Daughter complains about guests

[user1255467]

I live in a small flat with my Dd who is 23. She works till 3.30pm and my sister and her husband have started visiting unexpectedly a couple of times a week at around 3.45 pm just as Dd arrives home and staying till around 5.30pm
Dd is complaining to me that she is tired after work and just wants to come home and relax, her bedroom is off from the lounge so she can hear us talking. My sister and her husband are both retired so can visit at any time but always come either when Dd has just finished work or on her days off.
Is dd been unreasonable?

What time does DD start work? If she starts at 3.30am and gets home at 3.30pm she isn't being particularly unreasonable. If she starts at 9am and finishes at 3.30pm then yeah she is being unreasonable.

Not if she pays her way, i.e. 50% of the mortgage/rent and bills.

If not then she is being unreasonable really.

I can see her point, I think I would feel similar. And if your visitors can come another time without too much inconvenience then I’d probably gently try to encourage that. Maybe they come when they do because they like seeing her? At the end of the day though it’s your flat so if you don’t want to change anything then DD will have to just put up with it. I don’t think she’s massively unreasonable to have mentioned it though

It seems really easy to just ask them to come at a different time. Why wouldn’t you? Unless there are reasons not mentioned.

It would annoy me. She INBU

She can hear you talking at a perfectly reasonable time of day??

She's obviously being unreasonable.

However if you would prefer they visited at different times then it's up to you to say so.

I’d hate not to be able to relax, even for just 30 mins, after getting in from work so it would drive me mad having people there all the time.

Who is on the lease? Is this your home and you allow your daughter to live there? Does she pay half of the bills?

does she have a tv in her room or could she pop some headphones on? The visitors aren’t there for long and it’s not every day. As others have said, what are her hours of work?

Well a lot of posters will say she is 23, she can move out if she doesn't like it but I'm not sure! I'd find guests twice a week a bit wearing when I just wanted to relax in my jammies after work.

Could you pre-empt it by inviting them round for lunch or suggesting the three of you go for coffee or out for a walk at least one of the weekly visits? Or you go to their house? It sounds as though you are not working at that time?

That said, if they're leaving at 5.30, she's got the rest of the evening to chill...

On the fence!

Are you happy with frequent unannounced visits that last a few hours at a time? Can’t you go there sometimes or meet elsewhere? You could all probably compromise a bit.

It would annoy me too.

Are you retired op?
If this is a new thing happening at the same time and days each week, I suspect your sis and her DH are going somewhere local to you either before or after that time so they pop in then as you are nearby.

Ask them to come earlier in the day before DD is home.

Noise cancelling headphones. You could consider letting her hang out in your room if you're keen.

Tea time visits are very reasonable.

She should move out or move shifts.

She starts work at 9, she use to work till 6 but had to go part time due to health problems. I think this is why it is annoying her because she cut her hours to finish early to rest when she got home.
She pays rent and does her fair share of jobs around the flat.

I live in a similar situation with my mother, neither of us could ever afford to live alone, and if either of us had regularly come home from work to find visitors hanging around for hours we'd have been very annoyed. Your daughter is being completely reasonable, it's her home too and she's getting no peace or privacy after work. Your sister and BiL could come at other times, they're being thoughtless at best.

If she has health problems and has cut hours to help the balance then I would ask your sister and BIL who are retired and have no work restraints to visit whilst she is out, 9am - 3pm is a decent window.

Then for all of these reasons you need to start listening to her.

Same here

Wow, all these ppl checking whether she pays rent or just saying she needs to move out. Realistically, asking retirees to visit a little earlier or a little later is just so simple why wouldn’t you?

If it’s your flat and you are happy for them to come and visit you, then she is always welcome to sort her own accommodation and move out. She could even just put headphones in and block the noise out.

Why don't they come in the morning instead assuming none of you work?

She's 23, an adult, she can move out.

I hate visitors as soon as I get in the door. If they're doing it as soon as she gets home most days I can see why she is getting annoyed.