DH made comment about women driving. Has incensed me.

[Smsquared]

Just had lovely morning with DH and kids. Sat having a coffee and watching the local fruit vendors packing up. Few comments between us on what hard graft it looks like. Three adults (two men, one woman) packing things up into 2 vans. When they finish packing up the woman jumps into one and drives off and DH says ‘wow, the woman is driving one of the vans. This girl can’.
As we drive home he asks me what’s wrong and I tell him how that comment just stinks of the patriarchy and why is it even notable that a woman is driving a van in 2023. He says it’s just an observation as you don’t really see that. I feel adamant that it shouldn’t even be commented on as why wouldn’t / shouldn’t the woman be driving the van and doing just as many things as the two men and saying it in a sarky way implies that the woman shouldn’t be. He feels I’ve escalated this and it’s nothing to do with the patriarchy or women not having as many rights in the past. He’s a brilliant husband and father and respects me 100% but just venting here as I want to find a way to make him realise how ingrained his views are and how much they need to change. We have two boys who I intend to raise as feminist allies.

So bizarre that he hasn't seen a woman driving a van before...

He has, and has made comments like that before

It does feel a bit out of the normal though, rightly or wrongly when you see 2 men and 1 woman you would expect the man to jump in the drivers seat.

It’s a fairly mild comment, although I agree it’s odd he keeps commenting on women driving vans.

Certainly in this neck of the woods the norm would be the 2 men would be driving the vans. Yes there are women van drivers, but they are the exception

Why ???

How bizarre that people seem to be agreeing with your 1950's husband.

Of course women can drive vans but let's be honest the overwhelming number of people working in trades/occupations requiring a van are blokes. While I dont think mentioning a woman van driver is particularly comment worthy you seem to have made a mountain out of molehill.

Want me to introduce him to my sister? She drives a 44 tonne lorry for a living, has also been known to drive tractors, fork lifts, and a big yellow excavator. He'd probably faint away from shock.

Round here, you'll see DPD, Amazon and other delivery vans driven by women.

Get him to pop into most motorway services and you'll see women truck drivers.

Quite common in my travels, which are extensive.

Forget the comment - what was the conversation about “hard graft”.

Anyway back to the comment- either he is decent the rest of the time and you both share the load equally in which case it’s light hearted. Or you don’t and this is symptomatic of a wider issue in which case you’re on an uphill battle to gain your sons as feminist allies.

This.
It's a generalisation but i couldn't get worked up about it.
I would probably say something if i saw, say, a female bus driver. Of course they can drive but it's just statistically not as common.

Isn't 'this girl can' meant to mean that he thinks it's a positive thing?

This! It's not something I could get myself in a huff about tbh.

he's a knob. you must just accept it.
And from henceforth comment on every mistake he makes while driving, and every mistake any other man makes while you are out driving with him.

And wave and smile at any woman driving anything bigger than a Fiat 500
(I used to have an HGV licence. I heard it ALL)

I would have called him out on the spot. Next time you see a man jump in a van, exclaim 'this boy can!'

Around here I would say 40% of the 'bus drivers are female and an increasing number on the trains. But coaches are still driven, overwhelmingly, by portly blokes!

There's plently of jobs that are typically done by women so you might be surprised to see a man. This is no different. There's no reason why a woman wouldn't be a van driver, but it's usually done by men. You're over reacting.

For fucks sake, I can drive a lorry and have a motorbike licence, I must be super woman.

Show him this

I don't think he said anything untoward really. He didn't say that women shouldn't drive vans, he didn't comment that women can't or are bad at driving vans, he just pointed out that it is unusual. Which it still is.

Yes the patriarchy is the cause of that (Well, the main cause, my DP won't drive a van because she can barely see over the steering wheel. Which, I suppose is bad design caused by the patriarchal assumption that vans don't need to be designed for women)

But your husband pointing out that thats the case isn't really a problem as far as I can see?

I'd do this, until he admits how stupid he sounded.

@Smsquared I think you need to come to the realisation that the real word does not orbit the thoughts of the vocal minority of MN.

TBH its a very mild comment and the fact you are so appalled tells me you need to come of MN and realise most views on here are not representative of the population at large.

Hardly the worst thing to say.

I wonder what he'd say about my daughter driving her articulated lorry!!