DH made comment about women driving. Has incensed me.

[Smsquared]

Just had lovely morning with DH and kids. Sat having a coffee and watching the local fruit vendors packing up. Few comments between us on what hard graft it looks like. Three adults (two men, one woman) packing things up into 2 vans. When they finish packing up the woman jumps into one and drives off and DH says ‘wow, the woman is driving one of the vans. This girl can’.
As we drive home he asks me what’s wrong and I tell him how that comment just stinks of the patriarchy and why is it even notable that a woman is driving a van in 2023. He says it’s just an observation as you don’t really see that. I feel adamant that it shouldn’t even be commented on as why wouldn’t / shouldn’t the woman be driving the van and doing just as many things as the two men and saying it in a sarky way implies that the woman shouldn’t be. He feels I’ve escalated this and it’s nothing to do with the patriarchy or women not having as many rights in the past. He’s a brilliant husband and father and respects me 100% but just venting here as I want to find a way to make him realise how ingrained his views are and how much they need to change. We have two boys who I intend to raise as feminist allies.

QEII could strip down and rebuild a truck engine, and the trucks she drove were pre-power steering, but I imagine many of the PPs on this thread would claim that was all too strenuous for a woman.

Women may not be as strong as men, but we're not dainty little things incapable of heavy work either. Women's work has historically been really bloody strenuous.

To be truthful, I also think it is unusual to see a woman driving a van, even in 2023.

It really isnt.

Do you never even see a woman driving a campervan? Most campers are just normal work vans, converted.

My DS is a class 1 lorry driver and his company employs 3 female class 1 drivers. I suppose that would really blow his mind.

Well you think it isn't, I think it is.

I am not sure of the relevance of your campervan comment.

What's really depressing is not just the sheer number of posters who haven't noticed that women drive vans/buses these days, but the number claiming that women can't/shouldn't really drive vans because it's apparently too strenuous!

Driving a van with power steering is no more strenuous than driving a car.

And loading/unloading boxes for delivery is doable by a woman. How often do you get a delivery that you couldn't lift? For really big things like washing machines etc, that's always a two-person job regardless. Manual handling regs about not overloading yourself apply to men and women alike.

This isnt about rural vs city either. Even in North Cumbria I've seen women doing supermarket deliveries.

You're not sure of the relevance of campervans to a conversation about whether women drive vans?

What do you think a campervan is? (Clue - it's a van)
Do you see women driving them?

No, I don't know why we need to consider campervans separately to vans.

And I don't need your clues.

@caringcarer and how many men are employed?

The question isn't whether men are the majority - we know they are.

They question is whether it is really surprising, and worthy of a patronising comment, when you see a woman doing it.

If you have your eyes open, it is really not surprising. And women who drive vans are not going to be flattered by patronising "This girl can!" comments from men. I'd not have been pleased if it were me.

And loading/unloading boxes for delivery is doable by a woman.

And in this instance, the op and her DH had watched the three people, including the woman, packing up and commented it was hard graft - but it wasn't that, but the nonstrenuous task of driving that apparently merited special comment when a woman did it.

One earlier post also claimed that a male nurse or PA would warrant a comment, because it's (in their eyes) so unusual to see one.

I can only conclude that they live under a rock. Most nurses may be women, but male nurses are not rarities (they make up 11% of the nursing workforce). Same goes for PAs.

Perhaps ask your sons to say "maaaate" every time he says something misogynistic

4 where he works.

Pressed too soon. So a daily equal split but his boss doesn't care if male or female just if they can do the job. This is how it should be.

I'm a train driver and get comments. Not so much these days as more women are doing it now.

I once had a man knock on my window and when I lowered it - he said "oh where's the driver" obviously I said I was the driver, him "they let women drive trains these days" 🤦‍♀️ me "yes we can vote and everything now" 🙄

The question isn't whether men are the majority - we know they are.

Except that this is literally the point. Men are the majority so a woman doing the job is unusual

Except that doesn't follow.

E.g.:
Women are the majority of nurses, but male nurses are not "unusual" (they are 11%, so on average you will see a male nurse in almost every department of every Trust in the country). Commenting on the existence of a male nurse would make someone look like they were stuck in the 1970s.

Men are the majority of van drivers, but that doesn't make female drivers "unusual" or comment-worthy.

PP have quite literally said they would comment on a male nurse...

As an example, 6% of train drivers are women. That's 1 in 16. There are far more than 16 train drivers coming in and out of a typical major train station each day, so on average you'd expect to see at least one female driver driving in/out of most major train stations, most days of the week.

Valid to say it is rare, not in the way and with the intent that your DH said it, and reasonable for the way you feel about it.

And like I said, they either live under a rock or are stuck in the 1970s.

Just because PP are that ignorant doesn't make male nurses comment-worthy.

Saying "But I would comment on it!" just exposes your own ignorance rather than validating the idea that seeing a female van drivers is some kind of black swan event.

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist and if you live in a rural area nowhere near a main line station seeing a female train driver may be quite rare at the local hardly used stations. If you live in a busy metropolis it is more likely that you will be exposed to far less stereotyping of roles